Role reversal in the dating game
Had an interesting conversation with other single, thirtysomething women at the wedding I went to this weekend (which was wonderfully "anti-wedding" -- five-minute vows, no poufy Cool Whip dress, no tiaras, no bouquet or garter toss, and fudgy cake instead of a tasteless white confection with plastic bride/groom topper). You know that stereotype that, after crossing the age 28 or so threshold, women become desperate for marriage and kids and embark on the husband hunt? Anecdotal evidence I've heard and witnessed over the past few years seems to indicate that's reversed, and instead single women intent on waiting for nothing less than love keep meeting men who are desperate to get married and have kids. And the women with whom I was speaking at the wedding related similar experiences: Men bringing up marriage on a first date. Men complaining they're just "tired of dating," as if the women they're telling this to are actually going to rejoice in this statement, rather than thinking they're the last resort of a man with a ticking biological clock of some sort. One 37-year-old woman at the wedding told me that one man she was dating asked if she would just have a baby for him, then he would take care of it.
It's like the dating "Twilight Zone." Every woman who ever pressured a man or acted desperate is to blame, because now all women are getting it back tenfold! Eeeeek!!
Hear hear Bridget.
I've heard the same things from my 30-something friends and family members as well, not to mention my 20-something little sisters, who are living it.
It's like backwards land in the dating world. Our gender roles are in a huge state of disarray at the moment, and us Gen Xers who came of romantic age in the 1990s, I think, have it the worst. We were raised by parents who were pushing the traditional roles even as society was telling us something different.
Sometimes it's a wonder men and women can get together at all considering.
I second that. I have to say, this really is an interesting turnabout and one the begs more investigation.
I can tell you from my own personal experience, that I now have more women friends who have little or no desire to get married and have kids than I do the opposite. And we are no longer getting the open hostility or sad stares from other women anymore as if wondering what's wrong with us. It's a new wave of feminism, folks. And I say, hurrah to that!
This is a definitely a trend that I hope continues and grows. I think it's a positive trend. Most of these women are making their mark in the world. They are homeowners, they are accomplished, and they are showing a different measure of success.
This is not to say that having a family isn't valuable. It's just giving women a choice.