The perfect holiday gift!

K-Lo over at National Review Online asked my opinion on this year's best Christmas and Hanukkah gifts. Blending my two fortes -- shopping and current affairs -- I offered the following contribution to today's expert symposium:

"Tired of the People’s Republic feeding your kids date-rape drugs in their lead-laden toys? Perturbed that China sells us toxic pet food to poison our pooches and kitties? Think Beijing deserves to host the Olympics about as much as Kim Jong Il deserves to run the World Food Programme?

This Christmas and Hanukkah, give the anti-China gift package!

A vacation to Taiwan: Embrace the island that told China where to shove its Olympic torch! Don't forget to give mad props to Chen Shui-bian while generously spending your tourist dollars.

A little reading material: "My Land and My People: The Original Autobiography of His Holiness the Dalai Lama of Tibet," by, of course, the Dalai Lama.

Non-Chinese-made toys: You can kill two birds with one stone here. Buy Danish-made Legos to avoid the toxins and roofies, and annoy jihadists still mad over Muhammad cartoons at the same time! Plus, Legos are the coolest thing ever.

Brand-new sports equipment: Why watch the Genocide Olympics in 2008? Instead, host a neighborhood Games to celebrate our right to play as we wish in a free nation. Tiki torches make a peachy substitute for China's flaming propaganda vehicle.

Manolo Blahniks: Hot shoes that come with those three little holiday-perfect words: Made in Italy."