America, the Beautiful

(To be read with baritones singing "America, the Beautiful" in the background. "Oh beautiful for spacious skies, for amber waves of grain, for purple mountain majesties above the fruited plane... America, America...)

In its most pared down version, a real American is someone who was born here or who applied for and was granted citizenship.

By way of analogy, it is no different than being a real hot dog, pork, beef, combo, vegetarian or kosher. The difference is in the content.

Barack Obama is a real American as is John McCain. Osama bin Laden, not. Abbie Hoffman was a real American, as is Patty Hearst. David Duke is a real American, too (and we know how he's going to vote). Unfortunately, so are half the criminals in our jails (the ones that are here legally, anyway).

But being a real American goes beyond that. (Hoist up the flag; dust off the picture of Ronald Regan.) It is also someone who is decent, kind, honest and hardworking and who loves his neighbor as much as he loves himself and would contemplate giving up his life to defend the values of this country.