Avoiding "One Free Swerve"

It looks like al Qaida has been working for the Supreme Court. Maybe they're answering phones, riding the dumbwaiters or adding things to the water cooler. Otherwise, why else would the highest court in the land uphold the "one free swerve" law that strips police of the right to pull drunk drivers over so long they are obeying all other traffic laws?

It started in Virginia where police received an anonymous tip that Joseph A. Moses Harris, Jr. was driving while under the influence. Some drunks are nice drunks and some are mean, but Harris was a steady one. Even though he could have become a virtual blowtorch had those officers held a lit match to his mouth, the state later dropped the charges against him because he'd been driving quite well.

Instead, they enacted the "one free swerve" law allowing him to careen down the highway drunk as a skunk as long as he didn't hit or kill anything. Otherwise, his Fourth Amendment rights of unreasonable search and seizure would have been violated. Apparently, they never heard about taking preventive measures.

The case then went to the Supreme Court. Arguing that one free swerve "puts people in grave danger," and citing statistics, Chief Justice John Roberts tried to get the court to hear the case, but only Antonin Scalia agreed. There are several possible explanations as to why the highest court in the land with some of the greatest legal minds would give drunk drivers a "Get out of Jail Free" card.

Not enough whole grains and oats in their diet- but that one got nixed because the probably have good food services.

Cell phone radiation- If scientists wondered what it could do to bee colonies, just imagine what they could do to the human mind, but that one got nixed, too because the justices probably all have Blackberries.

The liberals- but a quick check revealed that the there are four liberals and four conservatives on the bench making it an even set with Justice Kennedy running somewhere in between.

Four states have upheld the "one free swerve law," so I wouldn't plan on vacationing in Wyoming, Massachusetts, Connecticut or Virginia until after those drunk drivers cause enough damage. Until then, the seven dissenting justices should pay a visit to MADD.