Recently in Parody Category

I was so delighted to receive the Pulitzer Prize for my groundbreaking anthology of columns that the nomination for the Noble came as such a surprise that I was beyond shock when I actually won the Noble for my novel Fruitflies in Argentina, written in verse using magical realism.

I was very grateful that I had the funds from the MacArthur Genius Grant to underwrite my writing time. And I assure you all that I value this recognition more than even the two OSCARS ™ and EMMY for the movie version of the novel.

Of course nothing equals the Congressional Medal of Honor, which frankly I didn’t think I deserved. Shooting down 12 enemy planes with a pistol while flying cover for the troops in my Piper Cub while talking the medic on the ground through a brain surgery procedure, well, anyone, I’m sure, would have done the same.

I will now devout all my time to making the table-top cold fusion power system I invented available to all. I must, of course, in good conscience, therefore turn down the generous offers to become Pope, Sultan of Brunei and Secretary General of the UN. But thank you for thinking of me.

What? What? Oh sorry, Honey. Yes, I’ll take out the trash. No, I can’t pay the DWP bill in full. I spent everything on gasoline. What about the MacArthur and Noble money? Oh, well, er, sorry, I uh misspoke, I mean miss-typed.

... a look into our not-so-distant future:

Sung to the tune of Nirvana's Smells Like Teen Spirit:

It was so drab, this dull campaign

Rudy, Clinton, John McCain.

But now I've got reason to vote,

a fresh sweet smell that gives me hope:

B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O.
B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O.
B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O.
B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O.

He won Utah -- and Nevada!
Got more might than
the Spanish Armada!
Raise up a nice, cold Coffee Coolata!
And let's toast to
Barack Obama!

A politico
A hero
What a guy-a
My messiah!
Yea

He's not just great, he's the best.
And for this gift we're truly blessed.
He always has, always been,
And always will be till the end.

B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. (x 4)

Got the wisdom of Deepak Chopra!

Not only that, he

hangs with Oprah!

Makes me shout out, Yes We Can-a

find inner peace through

Barack Obama!

A politico
A hero
What a guy-a
My messiah!
Yea

He helps me to believe.
He's the best thing on TV.
He's the one we've waited for --
not Hillary, not even Gore.

B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. ... B.O. (x 4)

Oh my goodness, goodness gracious!
He's got hope that's
just audacious!
He's better than marijuana!
Light one up for
Barack Obama!

Hallelujah
And hosanna
What a guy-a
My messiah!
Yea

So SpongeBob Squarepants is backing Hillary -- is anyone surprised?

Here are some other cartoon endorsements to expect in the near future:

• Montgomery Burns -- Mitt Romney (though he's still smarting over Giuliani's withdrawal)


• Beetle Bailey -- John McCain


• Dora -- Hillary Clinton


• Ned Flanders -- Mike Huckabee


• Cathy -- Barack Obama (the Oprah endorsement won her over)

As Bridget observes, Mike Huckabee has the endorsement of Chuck Norris, and now John McCain has picked up the backing of Sylvester Stallone. All of which has me wondering -- what candidates are the other action heroes of yore supporting? Some guesses:

• Jean Claude Van Damme -- John Kerry (he's French, you know)
  
• Arnold Schwarzenegger -- Mitt Romney (human who played a robot admires robot who can play a human)
• Steven Seagal -- John Edwards (it's the hair)
• Jackie Chan --- Hillary Clinton (it's the Norman Hsu connection)
• Sigourney Weaver -- Anyone but Kucinich (Sigourney hates aliens)
• Keanu Reeves -- Barack Obama (sympathy for people with un-spellable first names)
• Will Smith -- Al Gore (both stars of scary movies in which they pretend to save the earth)
• Lou Ferrigno -- also Al Gore (because big, angry green dudes gotta stick together)
• Harrison Ford -- Rudy Giuliani (both made a fortune through Patriot Games)
• Tom Cruise -- Ron Paul (both are creepy, yet have an inexplicably devoted fan base)

Seeing Patrick's depiction of Nobel Laureate Al Gore below, I can't help but notice a certain similarity to ... Butt-Head.

And one could argue the similarities don't end there! Both, after all, are stars of successful works of fiction. Both are immensely popular among the MTV set. Both speak in a condescending tone. And both have done about the same to aid the cause of world peace! (Although, in fairness, it should be noted that Butt-Head's carbon footprint is a lot smaller.) And while Gore may have starlets swooning at his feet, Butt-Head did once sing a duet with Cher:

Maybe Butt-Head could win the next Nobel ...