Parody: March 2008 Archives

I was so delighted to receive the Pulitzer Prize for my groundbreaking anthology of columns that the nomination for the Noble came as such a surprise that I was beyond shock when I actually won the Noble for my novel Fruitflies in Argentina, written in verse using magical realism.

I was very grateful that I had the funds from the MacArthur Genius Grant to underwrite my writing time. And I assure you all that I value this recognition more than even the two OSCARS ™ and EMMY for the movie version of the novel.

Of course nothing equals the Congressional Medal of Honor, which frankly I didn’t think I deserved. Shooting down 12 enemy planes with a pistol while flying cover for the troops in my Piper Cub while talking the medic on the ground through a brain surgery procedure, well, anyone, I’m sure, would have done the same.

I will now devout all my time to making the table-top cold fusion power system I invented available to all. I must, of course, in good conscience, therefore turn down the generous offers to become Pope, Sultan of Brunei and Secretary General of the UN. But thank you for thinking of me.

What? What? Oh sorry, Honey. Yes, I’ll take out the trash. No, I can’t pay the DWP bill in full. I spent everything on gasoline. What about the MacArthur and Noble money? Oh, well, er, sorry, I uh misspoke, I mean miss-typed.

... a look into our not-so-distant future: