January 2007 Archives

Next week it's Texas. Hope it's better than tonight. But we'll still remember such oddities as Phuong Pham, a not-so special singer who insisted she was just like Taylor. (Her own mom said she wasn't pretty enough for TV - which is totally untrue. Hey, she's more interesting to look at than 75 percent of the peolpe already on TV, OK, mom?)

And that couple swapping spit on camera? Yuck-o-rama. Cavett Carr and Darold Gray were their names. They met at a bus stop, and, boy, both are bad. Simon jokingly tells the girl she's great. Then, Darold tries out - NO! Get back on that bus, kids.

And the guy shirtless guy who made cat noises and creeped everyone out? Martik Manoukian was just plain weird. He was crawling and clawing and seemed deeply disturbed. If you saw him on the street, you'd dial 911. If he was in your backyard, you'd call animal patrol. After a whole lot of prowling around, Cowell told him to just sing already. After the meowing stopped, he was sent back to his kennel. Pick of the litter-not.

L.A. -- we did a whole lot better last season.

"The old guy" Sherman Pore brought to tears to the eyes of Paula. He said he realized he was too old, but wanted to audition for his wife, who had cancer and helped Sherman face the audition before she died two months before he went before the judges. The judges gasped but Sherman saifd not to let that sway them. Sherman sings, Paul cries, and Simon sez it was good. Obviously, he didn't makethe cut, but to Sherman, he won.

So far, the judges' fave is Brandon Rogers, a soft-voiced fellow with a bit of gruff in the voice somewhere. Simon made us fall out of our chair when he said that of all the auditions today, Brandon's was the best, adding that the kid's got likeability and a chance at the finals. OK, but he wasn't the best -- unless you happen to be auiditoning in L.A. that day.

Back again this season is Brian Miller, who got the ax last year in H-Wood. Simon, apparently trying out for an "Out in Hollywood" mention, said Miller is nice looking with a nice voice - BUT completely, instantly forgettable. Randy, Paula, and Olivia Neutron Bomb shake their heads in disagreement with Cowell: "Yes!" they say, "We like him, we really like him." Then Brian tries to find out of he was better this time than last year, but Simon can't even remember him. But, like Brandon, Brian gets the E-Ticket to the next round.

We had such high hopes for L.A., even after we hung out last summer at the Pasadena cattle call and endured thousands in funny get-ups. After that endurance test, the better ones were moved onto the next round, which ius what we got tonight. Omigod, this is the town that gave us McPheever, and tonight we don't even have the McSniffles.

Come on, "Idol," get with it!

Before we got to the travesty of covering a Clash song as a Vegas back room gargle, we need to know -- what did that has-been Olivia Newton John add to the panel tonight? Nothing. She had even less to say than Randy usually does. But she was wearing the right t-shirt for the job, which read "It is what it is." It is ridiculous to have her on the show.
Deeply horrible was untalented auditioner Marianna Riccio, who crowed that she was the offspring of one of Dean Martin's brassy singing groupies, and absolutely ruined the Clash song "Should I Stay or Should I Go." Answer to that question: Go (away).

C'mon L.A. - give us some star power. Give us some glamour. Give us SOMETHING. So far tonight, all w;ve seen are so-so singers and freak acts. That girl got the pass was just AVERAGE. That chick was no Kat.

What do YOU think?

Here's a tip: don't dress like Big Bird if you're gonna audition - unless you're trying out for an elementary school tribute to "Sesame Street." That lesson was learned tonight by Margaret Fowler, who was packed into a bright yellow outfit - and "Idol's" brutal editors added the "Sesame Street" theme to her appearance. Fowler, who said she was 26, then 33, then finally admitted she was 50, had a horrible little-girl voice. After the attempt at singing, Simon called her an Easter Bunny experiment gone badly wrong.

Hey, at least tomorrow's Pasadena!

We had our Cousin It moment. Victoria Watson didn't make the cut - but she needed one.
She told Simon 'n' Randy that she's been growing her hair all her life and the mop is now 6 friggin' feet long. The stuff drags along on the floor unless she wears heels. Yuucch!! Sorry, love, you DON'T sing (or look) like Repunzel.

Alabama, the state that gave us last year's big boy Taylor Hicks, didn't provide the insanity of New York (or tomorrow's Los Angeles auditions, no doubt) but the episode ended with a bang.

We liked Brandy. Yeah, she couldn't sing, but the girl had grits 'n' guts. She's the kind of gal with gall who wouldn't take no from Simon and Randy (no Paula on the premises at that point) after her wooden "Like a Virgin" on the wooden floor. Then, she demanded to sing "Proud Mary" on the carpet.

Nervy Brand, after Simon's dismissal: "You don't know talent when you see it."

They usually do. Simon was on the money Tuesday: "You're hopeless on the wooden floor and worse on the carpet. Brandy, I like you but on this I'm right."

Alabama wasn't all bad - 20 singers made it to the next rounds.

“Hey Simon, I bought my own ticket to Hollywood cause I can afford it – HA!HA!� So says our top favorite "American Idol" reject Ian Benardo during a recent trip to Los Angeles. I love being a national joke…Hollywood is New Jersey with celebrities.�

TV's “Extra� accompanied Benardo on a shopping spree to Oliver Peoples. While trying on eyewear there, he declared, “This is like Paramus, New Jersey…I just feel like nobody will care who I am with these…They’re
too light, they’re like an anorexic…I can’t deal with these.�

Benardo faced a crowd of fans and paparazzo, he says, “I don’t even know how to react to these people…God, America really is overweight.�

Benardo ends the day declaring, “Thank you Simon for being a moron!�

Your "Idol" blog star will again be a guest on "Now in LA's" Marty Keegan's "Hollywood Babble On" Inernet-only radio show at 12:50 p.m. or so today -- TUESDAY, JAN. 30. You never know where the conversation will go. You can also email comments and questions as we chat. Here is the link for you to listen in: http://www.nowinla.com

no, not the foldout, thank heavens.

in playboy's just-out february ish, cowell's interview is terrific. very entertaining. very funny. and he admits bob dylan "bores me to tears." lance corp. cowell may not have heard the handful of truly great dylan albums, but we like simon all the same. or maybe he has heard the handful of really good ones.

anyway, the t-shirted music mogul, who's turned put-downs of silly wannabe performers into a cottage industry on "idol" and its UK equivalent "the X factor," says he'd rather hear kelly clarkson than the "blonde on blonde" bard anytime.

"If I had 10 dylans in the final of 'AI,' we would not be getting 30 million viewers a week. I don't believe the bob dylans of this world would make 'AI' a better show. i've never bought a dylan record. a singing poet? it just bores me to tears."

simon - we dig ya. AI fans who are over 18 and can get their hands on the new playboy, read this interview!

where was simon c. when we needed him tuesday to be on the judging panel
when george w. gave his state o' the union audition.
probably at a cozy little bistro in tribeca or SW10, no doubt, pouring down the
$200-a-bottle plonk. cowell insists he has basic mainstream tastes, but when was the last time you saw him at carl's jr.?

still, our fave "idol" tastemaker more than made up for it tonight when an, er, flamboyant, emotional and probably unmarried fellow named ian (and we love those types here at "idol chatter!" we do, we do! don't send
us to residential treatment with isaiah washington -- unless the catering is by wolfgang punk) came aboard for a carson kressley-like moment.

his name was ian benardo of new york city -- and ian, we need you in the competition. your limp-wristed, over-the-top audition that veered into a lisping suburb of completely hysterical was just what dr. house ordered. it was screamadelic. but the after-party was even better.

check it out:
simon to ian: "it's just rubbish ... i'm bored with you."
ian to simon: "who ARE you?"
simon to burly security ape: "mike, take mr. boring out."
ian to camera, after being kicked out: "hollywood is new jersey with celebrities."
george w. bush to public: "our country is pursuing a new strategy in iraq, and I ask you to give it a chance to work."
american public to bush: "mike, take mr. boring out."

Tuesday's "Idol" has auditions from Memphis - home of Elvis. But judging by Seattle - home of Hendrix, Cobain and Quincy Jones - don't expect too much. Wednesday's show goes to New York City - yay! We know that'll be good, right?

will eat the cornflake.
In other words, sez Randy, "There aren't enough great singers to have a great show."
There's a war on, apparently. But not at the "Idol" gathering Saturday where SELL IT is the refrain, the chorus and the verse.

Sez the well-fed Brit producer of the show when asked if "Idol" is too mean (this week's nonstory) to a couple of auditioners: "It was an honest appraisal of that kid." Btw, the kid in question hasn't complained yet. Added Simon, satisfied that the American media is falling right into the marketing plan: "It's s singing contest ... why should I call someone a bush baby? ... There are times I watch it back and say, 'Why did I say that?' "
Simon sez: "On auditions, bad things happen and the audience trusts us to show that."

Paula sez all the cooked-up "controversy" -- hey, we're at war, right? - over her actually charming stage act is just annoying. Sorry, Paula, we know what you and the producers know - all the " controversy" and media attention is just bringing in more viewers, which means more advertisers, which means more money for the British production company that controls every aspect of the show and sells it to the gullible public. Any publicity is good publicity.

Why do so many people watch this glorified junior high talent contest?
"It's a fly on the wall reality show that doesn't take itself too seriously, and has a happy ending, normally," sez Cowell. Adds Randy Jackson: "The contestant remind you of who you were in high school." Chimes in Paul Abdul: "We change their lives for the rest of their lives."

The "Idol" panel convened Saturday at a press event to give assembled media a dose of common sense after a seson-opener that caused a national furor over whether judges were being "too mean" to auditioners. "It's It is part of the fun and wackiness of the show," Simon Cowell said when grilled about last week's taped tryouts from Seattle. A show producer on hand also confirmed that everything that goes on air in the closely watched singing contest is carefull considred for maxium impact - and press attention. "People like the bad singers...we have to look at what will bring the ratings in, especially when it's the sixth season and you want to bring the ratings in."
In reality, nothing unusual happened last week. The British producers of the money-minting show kicked off the season with a jolt of well-planned controversy that put the season-opener on the front pages.

Seattle was hysterical. Nick Zitzmann - you are incredible! The Bollywood twins - we're not trying to curry favor, but we dig ya the most.
Plenty of tears before bedtime, capped by Red, a scary biker-looking dude who summed it up by singing "Bohemian Rhapsody" in a childish falsetto, perfectly serious - and angry. Fantastic way to win an audition, you deeply disturbed red-haired guy-man-dude.
Simon sez: "It was like a 1-year-old singing it." Well, at least he WAS way cooler than Carrot Top.
Paula, Simon & Randy were cracking up and so were we here at "Idol" Central Command.
Day 2 was a scream! Great first week - with ratings through the roof.
Next Tuesday, the gang goes to Memphis.

Welcome back, "Idol."

It was sweet how Kenneth and Jonathan struck up a friendship at the dreary Seattle auditions. Both were roundly rejected, but we think they deserve a shot - along with Nick Zitzmann. The three of them could be the Crosby, Stills & Nash of 2007, minus the golden voices. Simon said Kenneth looked like "a monkey," but later Ken took a shot back: "Go back to England." And a near-tearful Jonathan said all he wanted was that one chance (to sing "God Bless America").

The crazed, unblinking wide eyes, the lisp, the buck teeth, the complete lack of expression, the nonhuman singing voice - Nicholas Zitzmann (even the name is perfect - Zitz Man) , we want to buy your records and see you in person. We want to join your fan club and wear your t-shirts. We want to run through the fields of Planet Zoloft singing your songs.
You are a complete nutter - and those judges are wrong. Zitzmann is a scream. The biggest laugh of the new season so far.

Yeah! South Asian brother/sister go to Hollywood -- not Bollywood. This will be one to watch. Brother has nice Stevie Wonder impersonation and shy charm. Sis has got stage presence. Nice to see some different faces on the show. Is "Idol" finally ctaching up to the beat of the street?

We liked her! She's 22, big and buxom and knows how to laugh at herself. Plus, when the judges went all thumbs down on her, she took it like a woman. Melissa tried an Aguilera song and the judges sniped "Sorry Melissa." And when she left the room, Simon sneered: "She looked liked she'd be caught in a net." We don't like you either, Simon. If you were caught in our net, we'd throw you back.

1. Bring a toy dog.
2. Flirt with Ryan
3. Show all of what you got.
4. Be goofy - put it out there.

Hey, Seattle is suppoed to be all grunge and tuff love. So why are so many of tonight's contenders crying? It's raining inside and outside the audition room - we didn't think there could be more tears shed after last night in hopeless Minneapolis, but Seattle is enough to make you wonder what happened to (warning: Nirvana reference) Teen Spirit.

Kat will have a guest role on the Internet serial Lonelygirl15 this Friday. Kat was an early fan of the show, which unravels the mystery of a 16-year-old girl named Bree in short video segments posted on YouTube, Revver and elsewhere. "I followed it from the beginning," Kat has said. "and I thought it would be fun to meet all those characters."
Watch it at http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=lonelygirl15

Welcome back, "Idol." See you tomorrow night for more auditions (the first LIVE results show isn't 'til Feb 22. Until then, everything's on tape).

Join us same time Wednesday for more singing and winging it.

Minneapolis, as Randy muttered, was hopeless. A few made it to the next round, but most were just awful - or deeply deluded or doing it for laughs. They did make it onto TV and some kind of brief local fame, though. That's something, isn't it?

Brenna Kyner summed that town up. She roared, she belted, she soared so far from the tune (whatever it was), her voice sounded like that stray weather balloon that was floating around Orange County last week. The one that frightened the local fishermen (hey, am I the only one who pays attention to local news?!)

Anyway, poor Brenna, and poor Minneapolis.

We here at "Idol" central command (the perimeter is being patrolled by deaf mutes in riot gear) were amused by the 16-year-old Matt Sato, whose "California Dreaming" brought out some rare compliments from the very rich, very Botoxed, very lucky trio of judges, along with gues panelist Jewel acting like the good sport who needs some media attention that she is.

Sato was OK, and Cowell, who can always be counted on to make no secret of his attraction to young, smooth-faced teen boys, even noted Sato had a "mature voice" -- and didn't even note the glaring red pimple on the kid's nose.

After the audition, Matt called Mom, crying "I made it to Hollywood, I made it to Hollywood." Dude, you are gonna be very surprised when you get there.

You probably thought we were already watching it. BUT -- right after Paula's stage-managed word-slur interview a few days ago, (designed to drum up some controversy and continue the Paula-is-stoned subplot), the Bravo net said it was gonna film a "docu-series," set for later this year, on Abdul.

Latin babe Perla Menasis used all her god-given parts in a Ryan chat-up before she unleashed her Shakira Jr. act on the panel. I found her naked careerism mildly annoying, but she certainly played the eye candy role. Perla's singing was nothing special and her song choices obvious: a heavily accented "Call Me" and a merely OK "Hips Don't Lie."
Next!

People all over America on Tuesday were saying "What does Ryan's t-shirt say?"
It was the logo of Delicious Vinyl, the late-'80s L.A. record label (Melrose Avenue, baby) that blew up when it hustled out Tone-Loc's "Wild Thing" and "Funky Cold Medina." Cool tracks.

Then Vinyl Delish put out Young MC (Marvin Young) straight outta USC (go Trojans!), followed by Britain's Brand New Heavies, the Pharcyde and others.

Ryan, we salute you -- for wearing a DV tee!

So far, all the contestants are sounding like the B-side of a pizza. Cracking, awful voices, full of nasty me-first attitude. It's so not-L.A. All the L.A. wannabes are so used to be rejected they know how to take it. We can handle Cowell's cat-o-nine. We expect it.
In Minneapolis, the non-musical masses tried everything - silly costumes, tears, sob stories, temper tantrums, name-calling, naughty words. Hey, face it - you can't sing. Go work in Burger King.

Pundits were were punditing this week that "Idol" is so 2002. WRONG! They couldn't be more wrong. The new season opened with all the emotion and bad humor we fans crave - tears, leers, a judge on perhaps too many beers and Simon's money-minting sneers.
Oh, it was fun. And that was just the first 10 minutes.
"Idol" in 2007 looks like it's going to pack a punch, going by the first-night audition show from Minneapolis, home of Prince, 10,000 lakes and 10,000 off-key, off-kilter crooners in halter tops.
"Idol's" back - something to live for. As pathetic as that sounds.

Katharine McPhee will make a guest appearance on ABC's "Ugly Betty" on Feb. 1, the first night of sweeps. Kat's album comes out Jan. 30.

Your world-famous Daily News "Idol" blogger, the always in-tune Fred Shuster, will be interviewed about the new "Idol" season at 12:45 p.m. TODAY on the Internet-only radio show "Hollywood Babble-On."

Tune in at: http://nowinla.com/channel.asp?id=440

On Wednesday's show (Jan. 17), KFC will run a slightly different version of their Buffalo Snacker sandwich commercial during the "American Idol" premiere on FOX. For those wide-eyed viewers who spot the change in the ad and log on to KFC.com, they will win one of 10,000 free Buffalo Snackers (in the form of gift checks).