Cowell to Bush?: "Take Mr. Boring Out."

where was simon c. when we needed him tuesday to be on the judging panel
when george w. gave his state o' the union audition.
probably at a cozy little bistro in tribeca or SW10, no doubt, pouring down the
$200-a-bottle plonk. cowell insists he has basic mainstream tastes, but when was the last time you saw him at carl's jr.?

still, our fave "idol" tastemaker more than made up for it tonight when an, er, flamboyant, emotional and probably unmarried fellow named ian (and we love those types here at "idol chatter!" we do, we do! don't send
us to residential treatment with isaiah washington -- unless the catering is by wolfgang punk) came aboard for a carson kressley-like moment.

his name was ian benardo of new york city -- and ian, we need you in the competition. your limp-wristed, over-the-top audition that veered into a lisping suburb of completely hysterical was just what dr. house ordered. it was screamadelic. but the after-party was even better.

check it out:
simon to ian: "it's just rubbish ... i'm bored with you."
ian to simon: "who ARE you?"
simon to burly security ape: "mike, take mr. boring out."
ian to camera, after being kicked out: "hollywood is new jersey with celebrities."
george w. bush to public: "our country is pursuing a new strategy in iraq, and I ask you to give it a chance to work."
american public to bush: "mike, take mr. boring out."