April 2007 Archives

The fund-raising special included vids of Ryan and Simon in Africa, where they encountered poverty and disease. There was also tape of Paula and Randy finding the same sort of thing back home in the U.S. This tear-jerking "Idol" episode inspired Wednesday's guest co-host Ellen DeGeneres to shell out 100 grand of her own.

Surprising to see Jeff Beck on stage, accompanying Kelly Clarkson on a number. Predictably tame but still nice to see. A diddle here, a diddle there from Jeff is worth three times the diddle from anyone else. Yay!

Tonight's two-hour charity marathon drummed up cash for hungry kids in Africa and elsewhere. Guests included Jack Black, Ben Stiller, Bono, Carrie Underwood, Josh Groban, Kelly Clarkson and Jeff Beck, Annie Lennox, Rascal Flatts and Earth, Wind and Fire.
Eric McCormack of “Will and Grace” said "if everyone who ever voted for Sanjaya donates just one dollar, we could do a lot of good."
True, but we still wish Sanjy was still in the running.

It was charity week at "Idol." So nobody was sent packing. Which means two of the remaining six finalists will be kicked off the show May 2. Our guess is Melinda Doolittle won't have anything to worry about next week either. She was so good Tuesday that she just may be the season's one sure thing. Hey, we've been wrong before....we thought Sanjy baby had a pretty good shot, just for the sheer laugh of the whole thing. But our money is on the Doolittle broad.

Sem: Why is she hunched over like that? Is that a sign that a sad song is coming?
Fred: Yeah. they learn that in singing 101 - sad song, pretend you've got curvature of the spine.
Sem: Her voice isn't sounding as good as it usually does.
Fred: Are you saying it's a little pitchy???
Sem: Why, yes Fred, "pitchy."
Sem: Paula just used the word "glorious" to describe her.....now that's just sounds awkward.
Fred: They were unfair to Lakisha and then they overdid the praise for Jordin.
Sem: I blame global warming.
Fred: All this talk about starvation is making me so hungry!
Sem: Ok, enjoy your PB&J...don't forget the -

Sem: Simon looks so out of place at that donation center. Simon picks up can of tuna, chest exposed, "It's a miracle..."
Sem: Hey Fred, they're giving food out to the hungry at Ralph's. "It's a miracle...."
Fred: Wouldn't it be weird if Sanjaya was in line at Ralph's too?
Fred: It would be even weirder if he was working there!
Sem: Employee of the Month: Sanjaya Malakar.

Fred: Ok-- who is this guy? Phil Collins?
Sem: Phil STACEY, Fred. Haven't you been paying attention the past SEVERAL weeks?
Sem: Granted, his head may have gotten smaller since you first saw him..
Fred: Omigod, he looks like one of those styrofoam heads they use to display wigs.
Sem: And suddenly, he can sing!...??
Fred: His mouth is unnaturally large, I was waiting for a giant moth to fly in.
GuestViaText: (speechless)
Sem: He wasn' too bad...I guess that's a compliment.
Fred: And what's with the hand signals? They all think they're air traffic controllers. Stop with the hand signals. you're not landing planes.
Fred: 10 minutes til PB&J time!

Sem: What song was this?
Fred: I've never heard of it before.....
Fred: Yeah -- she's definitely making this up. nobody would write these words for real.
Sem: Too inspirational?
Fred: Something about a rainbow and 100,000 dreams and a red velvet cake?
GuestViaSidekick: Poor Lakisha, she got no love....can't see her under Melinda's shadow.

Sem: So, are you gonna go get the potato chips with ridges?
Fred: well, i get those lightly salted kettle chips and they don't the ridges.
Fred: I would ridge them myself but it takes too long to rebake them.

Sem: I had a dream Blake was in the Top 2 man.
Fred: Imagine there's no Idol. It's easy if you try.
GuestViaSIdekick: I dont like that high note...or his jacket (hello, Tiny Tim)
Fred: John Lennon never would appear on this show. He'd say "hey, write your own songs."
Sem: His singing's not that bad, I just can't WATCH him sing.
Fred: His mouth looks like a baby robin's mouth waiting for the mom to bring him a worm.
Sem: Yes! THAT'S it!
Fred: After the show I'm gonna go to the store and get potato chips and skinny cow and then have a pb&j sandwich.

Fred: She has a real voice don't you think?
Sem: And a damn good hairstylist...her hair gets better week after week!...no more curse of the "flip"
GuestViaSidekick: Is her gap getting smaller too?
Fred: She's great...I totally agree with Simon for once.
GuestViaSidekick: It is! She's wearing crowns...
Fred: The right food for this show is eggs or a peanut butter 'n' jelly sandwich...
Fred: ...and lightly salted potato chips and a big glass of soy milk.

Sem: Oh I like this song.
Fred: Great song. Who's it by?
Sem: Eric Clapton...but I dont know if he can pull it off....
Sem: Oh, ok, now he sounds better.....just close up on the eyes.
Fred: His dancing is like somewhere between a gallop and a prance.
Fred: (eight minutes in and randy already called someone a dog.)
Sem: Is that a record?
Fred: That's a record....I have such a yearning for scrambled eggs right now.

Sem: Ok Fred, this is a serious show. Do you have your Skinny Cow?
Fred: No cow. I'm listening to an old Dionne Warwick record.
Sem: Good enough..so this is how they're gonna fill up the hour? I guess that's good, using the power for something...
Fred: IIdol in Africa?...It's like a home shopping network for Madonna.

Idol Gives Back and tonight's show will give you something new to look forward to besides Ryan Seacrest's wardrobe (puts the judges to shame, i must admit).

Here's a hint:

Hosted by

and rumor has it,

ok, you may have already known that (but come on, you like this game).

As for

well, we'll see if he's too busy rubbing elbows with

to grace us with his presence tonight.

TMZ.com had the scoop:
"American Idol" will raise the dead on Wednesday and feature a
performance with Celine Dion and ... Elvis Presley?!

While "A.I." teased their "Idol Gives Back" charity benefit by
revealing
that "two of the biggest stars in musical history come together,"
sources at last week's taping tell TMZ that Celine sang Elvis
Presley's
hit, "If I Can Dream" -- with an Elvis impersonator! Ugh! But we're
told
the impersonator was just used as a stand-in, and what you will
actually
see when the show airs is Celine singing with a virtual Elvis -- in
the
vein of Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole's "Unforgettable."

Great, just what we need. A whole new generation of young folks thinking they can be the next Sanjaya.

McDonalds, the ever so clever fast food "restaurant" that convinced you their burgers were made with real beef, is introducing a new line of Idol-inspired Happy Meal toys.

So while your child's not battling obesity, he or she can battle their delusions of (musical) grandeur.

Kids can expect such treats as the " Popstar Headset," "American Idol MP3" and " Applause O Matic."

("Judgemental Mic")

("Star Guitar")

("Starry Eyed Shades")

Actually, it kinda makes me want to run out and get a Happy Meal, minus the meal.

(Full Disclosure: Idol Chatter has no evidence that McD's meat is not beef...but we're still not bitin)

after "idol," simon gave an interview to his girlfriend where he said his eye-rolling was not a result of any mention of the virginia tech tragedy. the camera had caught him on tuesday rolling his eyes at something else - not the mention of the massacre. ok, we believe him.

sanjaya, the only interesting one this season, went home and with him any off-the-wall fun of the "idol" year. the teen southasian singer was booted off - and we miss him already. sanjaya was developing a sense of the absurdity of the situation and he was almost taking the piss out of this overblown junior high school karaoke contest. but that won't continue. sanjaya was our favorite. it didn't matter if he couldn't "sing." he sounded like all the rest of them. oh well. this has sudenly become the least interesting ""idol" season.

People who saw the show last night and were paying attention (and had a little more sense) wouldn't have assumed that Simon was rolling his eyes at the Virginia Tech comment. But to those who are overreacting (yes, overreacting), here's the Executive Producer's response as expressed on the Idol website:

"This is a sad time for everyone, so it is especially disheartening that a quick camera cutaway could have been misinterpreted. We're sorry for any grief caused by this misunderstanding, but Simon was not reacting to Chris at that point. He had turned to speak to Paula and didn't actually hear Chris' final comments. Everyone at "American Idol" feels compassion for those affected by this tragedy. We opened the show with those thoughts and Simon later expressed sincere condolences on behalf of the judges, recognizing the challenges we all face in dealing with this horrible event."

- Nigel Lythgoe, Executive Producer, American Idol

Let's stop "fanning the flames" (as Simon put it on Seacrest's show this morning) by making something out of nothing.

Case closed.

Larry: Ok. I gotta say Sanjaya finally goes. Bottom two: Phil and Sanjaya.
Larry: Hair and hairless.
Fred: My faves this week: sanjaya and jordin. Worst: blake.
Fred: Best idea: use of violin in country music. but it'll never catch on.
Larry: Ok, I revise: I say Chris and Sanjaya bottom. Sanjaya gone.
Fred: I cried a little bit tonight.
Sem: From who? Melinda?
Fred: It had nothing to do with the show. it's personal.
Sem: See you next week then?

Fred: this guy is an escapee from ipsa delta dawn or some other ucla frat...and i don't like his family and friends either.
Larry: That shirt is so preppy.
Sem: Yeah, argyle and country just don't go together.
Larry: The world does not need another wimp....why do they like this guy?
Fred: they like him because he represents all that's good about american boyhood.
Sem: bleached tips?

Sem: her hair keeps gettin flatter and flatter
Larry: she's losing the shyness
Sem: Finally!
Fred: there's that violin again. seems like an instrument that would work well in country music - but i don't know.
Larry: She's too good. It's like rooting for the Yankees. (more sports)
Sem: Game over...she killed it!

Larry/Simon: One comment: The world does not need him.
Fred/Paula: he seems like an honest enough fellow.
Sem/Randy: Dawg!

Larry: Lakisha sings great and looks good tonight. Not so revealing.
Larry: Gotta be pretty confident to sing Carrie Underwood. And this might be better than the original.
Sem: Is it supposed to sound like a country song?
Fred: i think she's always a powerful singer no matter what the song is.
Sem: Wow, we're being nice...Let's try this again....

Larry: Bubaya Sanjaya
Fred: Sanjaya was good tonight i thought. i really mean it. i like him more and more each week.
Sem: Fred. i can't even talk to you anymore now.
Fred: He's the only one that has a bit of "taking the piss" out of it, as the brits say. there's a punk attitude there that i like.
Sem: (If that was a compliment) Snap out of it!

Hello, my name is Sem...

Sem: Ahhhhhhhhh

...and Sanjaya is performing next.

Larry: Now Jordin looks like that dress is made of plastic...Again. Shiny.
Fred: that is one hideous piece of fabric...looks like something from the sale table at drapery & beyond.
Sem: but let's (try to) focus on the singing....or her teeth
Larry: Yeah, but she's my pick to win. Gets better every week...wow, long note at the end!
Fred: she's the aretha of long notes at the end.

Hello, my name is Fred...

Fred: Can i open a guinness now?

...and A.I.'s hard to swallow...without a drink.

Larry: Good. Get Phil over with. Not a big fan here.
Sem: when did phil get an accent?
Larry: Im surprised he hasnt broken his vocal cords...And he reminds me of that movie, powder.
Sem: no no, where's ur hat Phil?
Fred:why is his head so shiny?
Larry:: that's a shiny shirt too. shiny night.
Sem: not bad...he's bringing bald back.

My Name is Larry...

Larry: I watch it like sports. I always get behind a team and root.

...and I'm an A.I.aholic.

tonight, you may feel a little weird inside.

that may be because haley's gone.

or it may just be indigestion.

Our three judges are back and will be blogging during tonight’s show, starting at 8. Watch the broadcast on Fox and see if you agree.

Tonight, country singer Martina McBride will play celebrity coach to the stars-in-training of “American Idol.” McBride is the newest recruit of a long list of musical guests who have appeared this season.

Last Tuesday, Jennifer Lopez led the A.I. troupe through various songs for what had been dubbed a “Latin-themed night.” While the live music was hot, the performances mostly fizzled (even with the most judge-preferred contestants like Melinda Doolittle).

(Getty)

But with feedback like, “It wasn’t horrible,” used by the harshest judge of them all, Simon Cowell, to describe Sanjaya’s rendition of “Bésame Mucho,” one must wonder if the Northwest resident with Indian roots is destined for stardom — or if this is just a sign of the coming apocalypse (i.e. the last season of “American Idol”).

Though with the more vocally demanding sounds of country music being showcased tonight, it is unlikely that the barely audible, breathy serenades (à la one peach-fuzzed Sanjaya) and others' blunderous cha-cha moves of yesterweek will work to get the weakest of the bunch by another round...one can only hope.

(Getty: McBride @ the 2007 CMT Awards)

(Get 'em Martina!)

Us Weekly took a much needed poll earlier this month of the American public's (i.e. 100 New Yorkers, of course) opinion on various hard-hitting Idol-related issues (past vs. present, class vs. trashy, sanjaya vs....sanjaya?).

I say singing is overdone. We should have a full season on who can come up with the best/most unique hairstyles each week...and Sanjaya can judge (he'll need a job after his 15 minutes, I'm sure).

(Data courtesy of The Mayor)

sanjaya is the best idol ever. his besame mucho was a tear-jerker. he took his time and proved he can sing with the best of his fellow idols. this guy deserves the big prize! crown this contender. looking good, sanjaya. the judges agreed. that was really good, said randy and paula. simon said he sang like a 14-year-old but "it wasn't horrible." sanjaya is the next american idol.

another top-notch latin-flavored groove from one the hootest show's hottest contenders. he's got the smoov moves. even j-lo was probably impressed. randy said it was hot all around; paula said it was a vary smart performance; simon said it was a good choice and good performance. we agree!

she's got the mystical IT. her best-ever performance. what a gal. she's gonna be around for a while. randy and paula agreed: she's authentically having a great time. simon said it was OK but nothing special. well, we liked her.

phil looked like a dead end kid for his great performance of maria of harlem or whatever it was. brilliant. get this guy on the road now! maybe his best yet -- everyone's doing great tonight. it's gonna be touch to give one of these guys the boot tomorrow. simon said it lacked originality - but so does everything on this show! hey man.

wow! disco inferno with legs. no wonder disco couldn't last - it had to burn itself out, it was soooo hot. haley is fantastical. randy called her a dude. oh well. pauls said it was a fun song and haley had fun with it. wow! the other one said her voice doesn't cut it but she should just have fun. we did.

gosh, that chris really has the latin swing thing down. with a little prodding from tonight's star power guest coach - the amazingly talented j-lo - he covered that rob thomas hit "smooth" like a blanket. he's one really cool dog, sez randy, and paula followed up with "that's hot!" jeepers!

Fabulous! she's our favorite and she did a great disco tune with that "shake your dody" or "booty" or "booya" tune. fantastic. lakisha rules. but the judges were mixed. oh well.

...Jennifer "dont call me J.Lo" Lopez?

Wowwww. I think J.Lo and Sanjaya should have a hair-off...

...who will win? (Idol, not the hair-off... focus people!)

josh: i forgot about lakisha. amazing how she went from the clear-cut best to someone that's so easily forgettable.
fred: low-cut best, too.
fred: i still think she's the bestest.
sem: watch out now, she looks like she's gonna pounce!
fred: very feline
josh: ....but oh those pitchy problems
sem: stop throwing "pitchy" into the conversation...haha
josh: i can't help it. it's contagious.

josh: the big question - will haley slut it up again?
sem: umm, yes.
jsoh: she was on death row before going the skank route...then everyone noticed her legs, and that made them all forget about her voice
fred: yeah. she should be pole dancing at the olive garden.
josh: i'd go for the lunch special
fred: don't have the boston fern salad.
sem: she's supposed to be in love singing this song....why's she shaking her ass??
josh: i'd say she was about as good as that boston fern salad..which are known causes of herniated disks
fred: she was painless! she's red velvet cake all rolled up in cookie dough.
josh: painless to look at, not so much to listen to
fred: you mean you're supposed to have the sound turned up, too?

josh: here we go - the highlight of the night
sem: he has a friggin beard!
fred: i think he's pretty good really.
josh: oh no he didn't
sem: oh no freddddd......
josh: he looks like michael caine in dirty rotten scoundrels.....white suit, slicked back hair, hustling us all
fred: america wants a nice cuddly safe hindi it can love.
josh: don't we all?
sem: i want no part of this.

sem: this is the first day she didn't wear fishnets
josh: sunjaya borrowed them - he's going to come out in them next...
sem: what do yall think?...pain-wise.
sem: she was more like a sedative.

josh: No pepto necessary
sem: i like her but it just sounded like she was yelling...
fred: why do they always take these big breaths? it sounds like an asthmatics convention.
sem: "the bomb" (randy)...gawd!
fred: I'M ON MY THIRD GUINNESS. ...AND THE CAPS ARE LOCKED.

fred: do we like this guy??
josh: the girls do
sem: Q.T.!
fred: he reminds me of kangaroo jack
josh: great advice from tony - memorize the f'in lyrics
sem: ugggh, again with the SNAPPING!
fred: yeah. they have very poor finger control. digity.
josh: look - it's brent hopkins!
josh: oh, sorry - they just shop at the same thrift store
fred: he almost grabbed his bad parts.
sem: he saved himself at the end...(close up on the eyes)
josh: if janet were there, there'd be a wardrobe malfunction
fred: the words "artistic integrity" out of paula's mouth is a complete malfunction.
josh: on the pain-o-meter, i'd say he just finished a big chinese dinner, and went a little overboard on the kung pao chicken

sem: her hair keeps getting straighter each week
josh: she's the anti-sanjaya
fred: she's gone right over the edge.
josh: ladies and gentleman, your next american idol
sem: woohoooooo!
josh: but it was a little bit pitchy in parts
sem: boooooo!

sem: i'm already hurtin!
sem: he's "one of the better singers" (bennett)?? tony, have you been watching the show?
fred: this guy is eyebrow-pluckin' bad.
josh: he sounds little pitchy...i don't even know what that means - and i don't think randy does, either
fred: it's supposed to be bee-yatchy but the censors won't allow it.
sem: painful
josh: on the operating table
fred: childbirth without painkillers.
sem: "young frank sinatra" (paula)...why'd she insult sinatra like that?
fred: he's reminiscent of a colicky young frank sinatra.
josh: she's confusing him with david hasselhoff

fred: he said "meat of the song." meat. hahaha.
sem: i wonder if he'll beat box to this song...how funny would that be
sem: or pop lock
josh: i'm betting he will
sem: i wish he'd stop snapping
fred: yeah . puts the urrr in urban.
josh: i'm going to say he's got a herniated disk, but just a minor one. no surgery needed or anything
sem: fred?? how bad?
fred: it was like a sharp gas pain that doesn't linger.

It doesn't get easier, I tell ya. Each week, you think it might get a little less painful. But clearly, America's out to get the rest of us (the sane ones!)...

So I will stop my pleas (to vote off some people who shall not be named)...and simply let the meter do the talking.

How bad (because it will be bad) is it really?
Only our judges will know...

Ok, ok. So Chris S. is gone. I know the whole cute, cuddly, teddy bear look worked well in the days of Ruben Studdard, but he had a something that Chris didn't...

I like to call it (and Randy, dont even try to take this one): The Sweat Factor

You have to show the judges that you're willing to work for this!

We'll see what the top 9 (lord help us) are working with tomorrow night....see ya then!