Hovering Parents, What Gives?
I didn't hang out at playgrounds too much before becoming a parent. But now that I am one and know my neighborhood parks like the back of my hand, I have discovered a phenomenon that really annoys me.
It's the hovering parent. This term has lately been used a lot to describe mothers and fathers who insist on going on college and work interviews with their children, or at least insist on being involved in applying to institutions or job opportunities. But I'm talking about the six-foot-plus Dads and well-into-their-thirties Moms who insist on climbing up the play structure behind their toddler, or worse, riding down the corkscrew slide with their bundle of joy sitting on their lap.
What is with these people? Did they not get enough playground time as children? Are they trying to test the equipment load factor? I admit, I've been known to relax in a big-kid swing once in awhile during playground stops with my children. But you'll never catch me trying to stuff myself into that narrow fiberglass slide.
My theory is that we parents -- myself included -- are becoming more overprotective. In the old days, parents were relaxed to the point of child endangerment. I was talking to another mother recently about finding an elementary school, and she was saying that her own mother had signed her up at the closest local public school -- as mine did -- without giving it a second thought. "She was pretty much oblivious,'' she said. A former colleague told me a story once about how he used to go out into the woods in northern California with his friends and spend hours doing things like trying to set army men on fire.
Sure, kids can hurt themselves doing this stuff, but there must be some balance in how much we protect our children. They have to be allowed to make mistakes. How else will they learn? Believe me, I'm as paranoid as the next parent about anything happening to my precious angels. And it makes me angry that the world has changed to the degree that our kids can't walk themselves to school anymore. But I draw the line at following my kid onto the jungle gym!
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BARBARA CORREA
Barbara Correa writes about work and family for the Los Angeles Daily News.
Sometimes parents feel they must follow their tyke up the playground structure so the kid doesn't fall through one of the gaps and break his or her neck. Once the child nears the age of three they probably know not to do that, but it can be scary.
Moreover, sitting at the playground can be mind-numbingly boring and you'd probably be lambasted if you stuck your face in a book, so why not have some fun? Isn't it a good thing to play with your kid?
Now that my daughter is just about to turn 18, I've been thinking a lot about what I did right and what I did wrong in the parenting department... And, well, though I didn't really hover at playgrounds (creepy photo, by the way), let's just say - I could've backed off a little.
I didn't go to the extreme parenting route of over scheduling. Though she was mostly always involved in some sport or learning an instrument - it was always balanced with lots of just plain old kid time: jumping in mud puddles, climbing in trees, selling lemonade, making forts,etc.
But I did have the rule that all of that had to be done within my yelling voice (when I felt she was old enough. Her area of freedom grew with age) But if she (at 9, 10, 11 years) couldn't hear me scream her name at the top of my lungs, then I would freak out. I have to admit I probably checked on her too often. (Please note: We lived in a rural area of the Valley that felt very safe, at the time.)
I guess because I grew up as a latchkey kid with sooooo much freedom - I wouldn't even see my parents until after dark - and only if I had to - so I knew how my friends and I got into some dangerous situations now and then. Plus, the news is always reporting pervs running off with kids.
But kids need room to fall of swings without being swept up and carried away. It's how they learn about the world. But, I believe, parents should be (based on age) always within a safe distance.
Basically, it's a balance. I just think maybe I could've backed off a little, freaked out a little less - I see that sort of parenting just stressed my kid out. And I don't think she's the only one. I seem to be reading about a lot of stressed out kids these days.
The condensed version of this ramble: Kids need room to be kids without parents swooping in to save the day - the older the kid, the more freedom given.
instead of having my childs head cracked open or being worried about the kids in the play structure that push the 1 and a half year-old kids, or being one of thise moms that do not keep an eye on theie child while they are at the park, i choose to ride down the slide with my 1 and half year old and see nothing wrong with it..annoying are the parents that sit back dont interact with their kids, and think because they are in a playground their parental duties to supervise their kids are out the door.