Recently by Ryan Riley

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

Newcomer Jonathan Hickman has been making quite the splash over at Marvel Comics. He is scripting Secret Warriors, which follows the adventures of Nick Fury and his new group of soldiers following Secret Invasion, and took over the reins of the Fantastic Four comic from Mark Millar based on the strength of his run on the Dark Reign: Fantastic Four mini-series. The new FF arc features Reed Richards being recruited into a multi-dimensional think-tank/support group/task force comprised of alternate versions of himself from every conceivable reality, including a couple where he ended up in possession of the Infinity Gauntlet. The story arc takes the concept of Grant Morrison's Superman Squad (featured in JLA 1,000,000 & All-Star Superman) to the next level, and is turning out to be a fascinating read thus far. But in my opinion, it is the work he did before he got snatched up by Marvel that is truly innovative and brilliant.

Hickman has written four separate mini-series under the Image imprint, three of which have been collected in graphic-novel form. It is those three books that I want to call attention to, as they push the boundaries of how a comic book story can be told and are among the finest books I've had the pleasure to read in quite some time. They are all incisive looks at human society both ancient and modern. More to the point, they point out some major problems with human society from many different angles.

The Nightly News

Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: Jonathan Hickman

This story was Hickman's breakout hit over at Image. The main character, John Guyton, is a recruiter for a cult whose members have had their lives wrecked by irresponsible and inaccurate journalism. Their main goal? Kill as many journalists as possible. The cult receives its marching orders from a person they know only as "The Voice", who sends them their directives through an audio tape sent via Fed-Ex. The cult's war against journalistic excess takes place on many fronts, both overt (sniper attacks & suicide bombings) and subtle (taking faces of female news reporters, splicing them onto the bodies of porn stars and placing them on the internet). The story takes quite a few twists & turns, but the revelation of the person behind "The Voice" at the end of it all is the real jaw-dropper. Let's just say that bedfellows make for strange politics.

Visually, this book is less of a pure comic book and more of a hybrid of a comic and an art magazine. The artwork is primarily sepia-tone, which is almost ironic since the story deals with many shades of grey. All of the little factoids and statistic graphs that Hickman intersperses throughout the story (some of which he admits are completely fabricated) drive home the notion that the relationship between the political & corporate masters of America and the general public has become extremely dysfunctional. These are rendered in extremely small print, so be sure to have a magnifying glass handy as they add some real depth to what is going on in the story.

Pax Romana

Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: Jonathan Hickman

This is easily one of the most ambitious stories I have ever read, and I've read a lot of books. In the year 2054, the Catholic Church is on its last legs, having been rendered irrelevant by almost every other religion under the sun. Looking for ways to regain its former prominence, it has been covertly funding scientific research into time travel. When their science team actually finds a way to accomplish it, the Pope and his inner circle decide to recruit the finest military warriors and strategists of their time to travel back to 312 A.D. to aid the Catholic Church of its time in dealing with threats to their superiority, such as the advent of Islam and the barbarian hordes that destroyed the civilization of Rome.

That premise would have been interesting enough on its own, but the story really takes off once the commander of their army, Brigadier General Nicholas Chase, executes the Catholic Cardinal in charge of the mission and decides to do something a little more ambitious: change the very course of human history itself. Chase and his army form an alliance with Constantine and help him ascend the Roman throne a full 12 years earlier than he would have on his own. Chase then uses their knowledge of the future to quell the threats to Roman civilization, whether they be obvious (the aforementioned barbarian hordes) or hidden (like abuse of religious power). But as they successfully execute their plan they encounter unforeseen obstacles, including disagreement on how to deal with Constantine's headstrong son Crispus, and political infighting between Chase and his inner circle that leads to open conflict.

There is really only one thing that could be perceived as a weakness with this book: The sepia-toned artistic style of Pax Romana is strikingly similar to that of The Nightly News, with alternate historical timelines and chat transcripts taking the place of the factoids & statistic charts. To more nitpicky readers, this might almost seem like a creative crutch. Personally, I quite enjoy the way Hickman employs this unique style of storytelling, and I wouldn't mind seeing a lot more of it. If only the text weren't so small...

Transhuman

Writer: Jonathan Hickman
Artist: J.M. Ringuet

Welcome to the future, where the post-human body of your dreams is available...for a modest price. This story chronicles the rise of two rival companies, Humonics Inc. and Chimeracorp, who are competing to deliver the next wave of human evolution to the public, each with a different focus. The initial product that Humonics initially offers is based in technology (a prosthetic hand attachment with basic household attachments that has room for better upgrades), while Chimeracorp tinkers with a pharmaceutical concoction that gives its recipient a biological enhancement.

The whole story plays out like a combination of a Michael Moore documentary and a VH1 "Behind The Music" episode. While the main focus of the story is on who comes out on top of the branding battle, the real fun comes from seeing the results of Chimeracorp's experiments. Their first batch of test subjects, a group of chimpanzees, end up with superpowers like telepathy, retractable claws and optic blasts (the X-Chimps!), and end up escaping from their cages. When their human test subjects (the ones that ended up with useful enhancements, anyway) get into superhero costumes and get sent out to recapture the chimp test subjects, it turns out about as well as the canoe trip in the movie "Deliverance".

Of the three graphic novels by Hickman, Transhuman is the one that has the most traditional comic book-style art and layout. Ringuet's artwork is just as gritty as Hickman's in The Nightly News and Pax Romana, but with a little more of a cartoonish bent. The story is a little more tongue-in-cheek than Hickman's other works, but the ending is probably the most subversive and unsettling (yet hilarious) out of all of his books. Be sure to look for the single-panel shout-out to Grant Morrison's WE3 when they show the test subjects from Humonics.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

The inaugural Long Beach Comic Con has come and gone, and overall it turned out to be a pretty solid show for a first outing. The Robot Chicken gang made an appearance, and Seth Green and the gang were hilarious as always. Marvel and DC had a presence, although the absence of Dan Didio on the DC side and nearly everyone except for Jeph Loeb on the Marvel side made their panels somewhat lackluster. Nintendo was there to show their wares, and they had a guy dressed as Mario playing the new Super Mario game. Sci-fi/Fantasy genre celebrities like Lou Ferrigno and Richard Hatch were propping up autograph alley. All in all, the LB Comic Con felt like a smaller, more intimate and a lot less crowded version of the San Diego Comic Con. That is a good thing, and I would love to see the show continue next year. I say this because SDCC being the only major comic convention in Southern California is not advantageous to us as comic book fans.

I don't know about you guys, but I've grown weary of the overcrowded, impersonal juggernaut that is the San Diego Comic Con. Whenever I think about SDCC nowadays I get to thinking about the movie "The Crow". The main villain, Top Dollar, gave a speech to his flunkies about 2/3 into the film. He bemoaned the fact that a great idea he once had evolved into something bearing little resemblance to the original concept. He was referring to setting arson blazes on the night before Halloween, but there were a couple of memorable lines from his rant that echo my feelings about SDCC.

"When I used to think about the idea itself it would bring a big old smile to my face!"

The first SDCC I attended was in 1998. I was utterly amazed at how large the show was, and marveled at how accessible all of the comic book creators were to their fans. It was a testament to how close-knit the comic book community was for creators and fans alike. The idea of making movies out of comic book properties as a business plan was in its infancy, so while the convention was well-attended it was by no means overcrowded. Kevin Smith's infamously packed Q & A sessions were also a new thing, so you could actually stand a good chance of getting in if you got in line as little as an hour in advance. It was a laid back atmosphere that enabled you to focus and have a good time. Sure, it got pretty crowded on Saturdays, but that was because the show planners typically saved the show's A-list programming for that day. It has been years since the show was like what I am describing, so it can officially be referred to as "The good old days".

"The idea has become the institution, boys..."

Now it seems like SDCC is to comics what MTV is to music. The change began when the show started to feature more in-depth discussion panels and sneak peeks for upcoming movies and TV shows. Production companies saw in comic conventions an enormous and untapped focus group audience, and used the feedback garnered from their panels to launch shows like "Battlestar Galactica", "Lost" and "Heroes". Big-time actors like Jessica Alba and Robert Downey Jr. that years ago would not have been caught dead at a comic convention were now going out of their way to promote their upcoming comic-inspired movies. This was undeniably good for the comic genre getting more mainstream exposure, but as word got out that people could get sneak peeks at existing and new shows & movies by going to SDCC, the attendance increased on a yearly basis.

The last time I attended the show was in 2007, and it was wall-to-wall people. Getting from one panel to the next was like walking through high surf, you couldn't attend an in-demand panel without staking out a line spot at least two hours in advance, and good luck finding a restaurant without at least an hour waiting time afterward. And from what I heard about the 2009 SDCC it was even more with people because of all the "Twilight" fangirls hoping to catch a glimpse of Robert Pattinson at that panel. For the record, I don't think there's anything wrong with being a fan of "Twilight". It's not really my thing, but my daughter digs on it, and it seems inoffensive enough. I just included that little tidbit to illustrate my point.

"...time to move along."

My point is, if I want to wait in line for hours and navigate through an ocean of people only to spend copious amounts of money on souvenirs and overpriced food, I'll just hit up Disneyland or Magic Mountain during the peak of summer. Granted, the souvenirs are substantially cooler at SDCC, but the overall experience is about the same. I'm sure many of you have asked yourselves the same question that I have: "Is the San Diego Comic Con really worth all the hassle?"

Personally, I would have to say "no". I've felt this way for years, and if I hadn't been tapped to cover SDCC in 2007 by Wizard I likely wouldn't have even gone then. When Wizard World L.A. opened their show at the Long Beach Convention Center back in 2005, I was overjoyed. It had the best aspects of SDCC without the cattle herd conditions and the three hour commute. I was somewhat disappointed when the show moved to the L.A. Convention Center a couple of years later, but I still liked the show enough to put up with having to go to downtown L.A. and enduring its overpriced parking and lack of restaurants and night spots. When the show was put on indefinite hiatus by Wizard Entertainment earlier this year I was disheartened, because the only major alternative to SDCC was gone.

"Are we having fun, or what?"

Then they announced the LB Comic Con a few months ago. I was somewhat skeptical, because this was a new crew putting together a show on short notice. Despite my best wishes, it didn't seem like it would amount to much. But as the show date grew closer they managed to put together a pretty high-quality guest list and some decent programming. They even set up a wrestling ring and got an indie wrestling federation, Mach One Professional Wrestling, to put together a schedule of exhibition matches on the convention floor for live entertainment.

Could the LB Comic Con have been more organized? Of course, but considering the time frame that they were working with they did a hell of a job in putting on this show. I would love to see what kind of show the LB Comic Con brain trust can assemble when they're given a full year to plan, and it will be even better once Marvel and DC decide to treat the show like an actual event and not an afterthought. It has the potential to be a great show for fans that are actually passionate about comics but not willing to make their way through crowds of people just attending to see their favorite actor.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

If you attended the inaugural LB Comic Con last Saturday (and from the good turnout, you just might have), you may have seen a cowboy and Black Bolt wandering around the convention floor, playing guitar and singing a rather western-sounding song. If the song sounded familiar to you, then you must be a fan of Jonah Hex. The song is titled "The Ballad of Jonah Hex", written by Ian Frazier (Black Bolt), and it immortalizes a story arc from Jimmy Palmiotti's Jonah Hex comic. I haven't yet read any Jonah Hex comics (the closest I've come was seeing Jonah shoot Superman in Superman/Batman in the head with a Kryptonite bullet), but I was nonetheless intrigued by this passionate pair, so I just had to talk with them. As luck would have it, we had a friend in common: Mike Lerner of Pulp Fiction, who was also at the Con selling his wares. He introduced us, and after listening to them go through the entire song near the Pulp Fiction booth we got to talking.

Modern Mythology: For the record, gentlemen, what are your names?

Ian Frazier: Ian Blackwell Frazier

Rob Conrad: Rob Conrad

MM: How did the whole "Ballad of Jonah Hex" come about?

Ian: It came about from Jimmy Palmiotti & Justin Gray. I started collecting Jonah Hex because I'm a big Clint Eastwood/spaghetti western fan, all of the Sergio Leone stuff, so I started reading the series. I was reading every issue and I got started writing the song about two years ago. The series came out in January '06, and then I started writing it about twelve issues in, and then they did that origin in that series based on the 1970's character, and so the third verse of the song is about the origin, exact to the continuity in every line. You can follow the series from issues 13 to 15 and it fits perfectly.

MM: Rob, how did you get involved with this?

Rob: He actually needed me to record the song, so we recently recorded the song at my place. I also played bass for him for a couple of the performances, and I'm playing acoustic guitar for the performances at the Con.

Ian: The live performance on the CD has Rob on bass and my buddy Jason Pataki on organ. It's the only time we had organ and bass on the song, which really added some depth to it. It was my big finale when I performed the song at DiPiazza's.

MM: Jimmy Palmiotti is here at the Con. Did you perform the song for him already?

Ian: I actually hit him up on MySpace, and he had seen the song on YouTube so he e-mailed me back and said it was great. I just met him face to face today, so when we found him we just busted the ballad out right there. It was such a culmination to play for the guy who inspired the song and reinvented the character.

MM: What's your take on the Jonah Hex movie and the actors that were cast for it?

Ian: I'm a huge Malkovich fan, so I'm really looking forward to that. I don't know much about the movie. I know they showed the trailer at the San Diego Comic Con, I didn't see it.

MM: With any luck they'll use the same story arc that you used for your song.

Ian: Here's hoping!

MM: How many comic conventions have you performed the song at?

Ian: This is the very first one. I've been performing the song at various venues, bars, clubs, you name it. It's a great party song, people get pumped up!

Check out the "Ballad of Jonah Hex" on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M64jPqFjrBY

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

I had been hearing a lot of buzz about the comic Irredeemable by Boom Studios of late. Quite a few people I speak with on a regular basis about comics have been raving about the book, which features Superman-archetype the Plutonian inexplicably going from being the world's staunchest defender to its most implacable menace. I've enjoyed pretty much all of what I've read by Mark Waid in the past, so I figured that this comic would be a sure thing. I went over to Pulp Fiction (yes, that was a shameless plug) to buy the graphic novel collecting the first four issues the week it hit shelves only to find that, like the single issues of the book, it had sold out rather quickly. I eventually managed to pick up a copy, and while the book was enjoyable overall, it wasn't quite what I had expected.

The premise of Irredeemable (Superman snaps) is pretty solidly handled for the most part. When the story begins, the Plutonian has already launched attacks on both his former heroic allies and millions of random normal humans. His sudden personality shift has shocked everyone he used to call a friend, and for much of the story his former running buddies are alternately running for their lives and digging up information on his past to find out what set off his rampage and find a way to stop him.

There are moments where the story is supremely inventive. In the fourth chapter, the United Nations gathers in a special session to discuss what to do about halting the Plutonian's assaults. While the U.S. predictably wants to fight until the end, just about every other nation recognizes the futility of fighting the world's mightiest being and start to squabble over who will get the privilege of surrendering their country to him. An interesting twist to be certain, but it gets even more intriguing when the Plutonian crashes the proceedings to see just what each delegate will offer in exchange for his good graces.

The Plutonian's actions during his rampage range from the diabolical (destroying the city he protected for so many years) to the twisted (forcing two actors to dress up as himself and former teammate Bette Noir and watching them while they're in bed). The motives behind his actions are shrouded in mystery, and as his former teammates find out more about him, they begin to wonder whether they truly knew him at all. His alienation from the humans he swore to protect is evident even in the flashbacks where he was still Mr. Nice Guy, but it is likely only a part of why the Plutonian turned to villainy.

There are two complaints that I have about this book. The first complaint would be the supporting cast of the book, the Plutonian's former teammates in the Paradigm. Now I'm all for archetypes of established comic book characters being used if they are creatively utilized. Astro City and Planetary are prime examples of stories that have unique takes on tried and true character types. Unfortunately, the concepts and visual look of the other heroes from the Paradigm and the supervillains from chapter three seem like an afterthought compared to the Plutonian. The only member of the supporting cast that has any potential is Mr. Qubit, a hero with powers that are a cross between Brainiac Five from the Legion of Super Heroes and Forge from the X-Men comics. He is the only principal character that has shown even a hint of a fleshed-out personality thus far.

The second complaint is the artwork by Peter Krause. I'm not saying the artwork is (forgive me) irredeemable. Krause's style is reminiscent of Brent Anderson's work on the aforementioned Astro City, and the facial expressions of each of his characters are nicely rendered. The art during action scenes is not as flawlessly handled, and the main culprit is the awkward action poses each character makes whenever they are called upon to do more than walk. If it weren't for that distraction I would have zero issues with Krause's artwork. As it is, between the askew action poses and the fact that there were covers of the individual comics drawn by the likes of John Cassaday and Barry Kitson, I felt just a little let down by the interior art.

One of the biggest things that Irredeemable has going for it is its extremely reasonable asking price. The first four issues of the series are collected in a trade paperback going for $9.99, and the cover price of the individual comics just got reduced to $.99, so Boom Studios is really looking to get as many new readers as possible.

The problems I listed are rather minor things that are likely to improve as the story of Irredeemable progresses, and the lower price of the books will ensure that I will continue to follow this series.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

I remember the very first time I went to the San Diego Comic-Con back in 1997. I'm fairly certain it was 1997, as I recall the inflatable Spawn that was set up to hype the upcoming release of the (in retrospect disappointing) Spawn movie. I was taken aback by the gargantuan size of the convention center, and was stoked to see so many other fanboys and fangirls in one location. I met a lot of very interesting individuals over the four days I was there. Among the highlights of my Con experience was a chance encounter with Phil LaMarr at the Eisner Awards, who at that point was best known for playing the Jumpy UPS Guy on Mad TV and Marvin, the character that was accidentally shot in the face by John Travolta in "Pulp Fiction". He was an exceedingly nice gent who was actually spending time at the Con as a fanboy and not an actor pimping his latest project, and we chatted for about ten minutes before going our separate ways.

There are other equally pleasant memories that I could share with you guys about the San Diego Comic-Con, but that's not the purpose of this particular column. I've been going to Comic-Con more often than not for over a decade, and you'd have to be as blind as the Mole Man (or Hans Moleman, same diff) to not notice that Comic-Con is receiving more and more mainstream attention over the years. While this has done quite a lot for getting more overall acceptance of comics & graphic novels (and the folks that read them), it has transformed Comic-Con from a moderately attended niche event to a jam-packed celebration of all things that have a connection to sci-fi, fantasy & comics. If you take a look at all of the successful TV shows & movies in this genre that have cropped up in the last few years, that encompasses quite a lot. Shows like "Lost", "Heroes" and "Battlestar Galactica" got a lot of exposure prior to their airing at past Comic-Cons and now the panels dedicated to them are standing-room only. And fanboy-friendly creators like my idol Kevin Smith hold Q & A sessions that are must-attend events. As you can imagine, this makes for a much more crowded house as far as Comic-Con attendance goes.

I hate crowds with a passion, so as Comic-Con has become more crowded, going there has become much more of a chore. In fact, the only reason I've attended the last few times I've gone was that I had a press pass and was covering it, once for www.pulpfictiononline.com and once as a freelancer for Wizard Magazine. But the last time I went, which was two years ago, I shared a hotel room with a pair of siblings that I met through a mutual friend, Ross & Heather. These two had their Comic-Con itinerary planned to the nines, and I was impressed both by their forethought and the results of their preparation. It is mainly from my experience with them that I have compiled the following tips to help ensure that your Comic-Con experience isn't ruined by your disdain for crowds.

I can't stress enough the importance of planning your Comic-Con trip in as far advance as possible. Even getting tickets for the Comic-Con has become a dicey prospect for the procrastinators among us. This year's Comic-Con sold out relatively quickly for all four days shortly after the tickets became available. I know that some of the tips for planning ahead listed below won't really help you for this year, but take them into account for your next trip.

Room accommodations

If you are looking to book a hotel room for the duration of Comic-Con, book well in advance. The hotels closest to the San Diego Convention Center fill up quite quickly, and the ones in the surrounding area don't last much longer. Also, those hotels charge at alarmingly high rates because they know that Comic-Con is in town and adjust their pricing to capitalize. Luckily, the folks that run Comic-Con know that hotels are relatively scarce and they have a service on their official website, www.comiccon.org, that will find you an available hotel room if one is available. As of my writing this article, there were still some rooms available through that website. Take full advantage of this service early, and you won't be caught flat-footed when the next Comic-Con rolls around.

Alternatively, if you happen to know someone that lives in San Diego or the surrounding area, by all means use that to your best advantage. Don't be a mooch about it, though. Offer them some money to put you up (and put up with you) while you're attending the Comic-Con. If they're generous and turn you down, offer to take them out to dinner at a nice restaurant or get them a nice piece of memorabilia on the convention floor to reciprocate. Remember, they are saving you money and grief, which is an invaluable gift considering how expensive hotels are nowadays.

Plan for traffic

Unless you arrive on Wednesday night for the preview, you are very likely going to run into some traffic on the freeway and in the streets that lead to the convention center. Leave early, hit a drive-thru or convenience store for some food & drink and be patient. The earlier you leave, the less hassle you will have.

Parking accommodations

Parking at the convention center fills up really quickly, so plan on arriving early in the morning if you want to park there. Otherwise you will get gouged by parking lots surrounding the convention center for the privilege of not having to walk miles to where your car is parked.

There is a relatively pain-free alternative to parking at the convention center if you aren't an early riser. You can park in the parking lot adjacent to the cruise ship terminal for a nominal fee (comparatively speaking) and take advantage of the free shuttle that goes from there to the convention center. It's not as convenient getting back to your vehicle as parking at the convention center would be, but it sure beats having to wake up at the crack of dawn.

Convention center strategy

Once you arrive at the convention center and claim your pass, there are going to be a lot of people that are planning to do exactly the same thing as you. Don't panic! If you are savvy enough, you can get almost everything done that you set out to do.

The convention floor: This is a veritable cornucopia of one-of-a-kind merchandise, creator signings & giveaways. Get to the booths you are interested in early and chat up some of the folks running them. If it's creators you are wanting a signature from, they will have a schedule of who is signing when. If it's freebies that you're after, find out when they will become available and show up early, as there will definitely be a line. Oh, and if you want to keep even a shred of sanity, don't even bother going on the convention floor on Saturday if you can help it, as that is by far the most crowded day of the con. Get your business there done on Thursday or Friday.

Panels: Be prepared to do a lot of waiting if you are planning to attend a highly-in-demand discussion panel, like Kevin Smith's Q & A session on Saturday. Whatever time-cushion you were going to allow for waiting in line, add at least 2-3 hours to it, because many of your Comic-Con attending bretheren will already be there ahead of you. Be sure you have some entertainment with you, like an I-Pod, PSP, DS or your laptop. If you don't have any of these in your possession, head on over to the convention floor and buy yourself some reading material. The buddy system is invaluable here, as it only takes one person to hold a spot in line. Be nice to the person in your group that bites the bullet and waits in line. Get them something to eat and/or drink for their perseverance.

Restaurant accommodations

The odds are good that once you leave the convention center to go grab some dinner you will run into a minimum wait of an hour to get into most restaurants in the surrounding Gaslamp district. You can get around this easily by doing a little research a few weeks in advance to find out which nearby restaurants you would be interested in eating at. Once you've got that figured out, call and place reservations at each restaurant that you want to eat at. This tactic doesn't allow for any spontaneity in your dining experience, but the ability to walk past the masses that did not have the foresight to plan ahead and eat shortly after you arrive more than makes up for that.

And I'm spent!

If you follow these simple guidelines, you shouldn't have too many problems at the San Diego Comic-Con this year. We want you guys to chime in if there are any other survival tips you might have for dealing with the hassles of Comic-Con.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

There was a TV show that aired in the 1970's called "The Six Million Dollar Man". Lee Majors played a character named Steve Austin (no, not the pro wrestler Stone Cold Steve Austin from the 1990's WWF), a USAF test pilot that was severely injured in a plane crash, which cost him an ear, an eye, his right arm and both of his legs. The U.S. government used experimental bionic limbs to replace the body parts Austin lost in the crash. These implants made him much stronger and faster than a normal human, and his bionic ear and eye afforded him enhanced sight and hearing. The procedure and the parts cost a little over 6 million dollars (hence the title of the series) and Austin was pressed into service as a covert government agent to offset the cost of it.

What, you might ask, compelled me to bring this admittedly ancient TV series up? Well, I was watching a CSI rerun on Spike TV earlier this week and I saw a commercial for a rechargeable hearing aid called "The Bionic Hearing Aid" being hawked by none other than Lee Majors. It even had this juicy little quote: "It won't cost $6 Million, but you'll think it's worth it!" At first I was a little disheartened to see that a Sci-Fi icon from my early childhood was being used to shill for a product. Then I gave it some thought and came to the conclusion that this is actually a pretty bad-ass product tie-in. George Foreman made money lending his name to a product that had nothing to do with anything he did in his prior profession as a world-champion boxer. At least Majors was lending his name to a product that (at least somewhat) has the same effect as one of the enhancements that his character had in "The Six Million Dollar Man".

That got me to thinking: what other sci-fi & fantasy concepts have been (or could be) used to advertise products?

Burger King: The Kingons

This clever little product tie-in came very recently with the release of the Star Trek remake a couple of months back. The product was a series of collectors glasses based on the movie, and the Burger King mascot, the King, was morphed into an amalgamation of himself and the classic Star Trek alien Klingons. The result was a silent trio with the King's creepy smile, the forehead ridges of the Klingons and transporter technology, all of which they used effectively to gank Star Trek collector glasses from unsuspecting schmucks. They even snagged one guy's girlfriend to add insult to injury, but to be fair he kind of dared them to do it.

Battlestar Galactica Toasters

This is by far one of the most brilliant sci-fi product tie-ins ever conceived. Anyone that has watched the recently ended "Battlestar Galactica" series on the Sci-Fi Channel (I just can't get myself to call it SyFy just yet) knows that the most popular slur used to refer to Cylons is the word "Toaster". So NBC Universal got the inspired idea to make a stylized toaster with an image of a Cylon Centurion complete with a LED light for an eye. It's being displayed at the San Diego Comic-Con later this month (it's only available for purchase online). The only drawback is that it's being sold as a collectors item with only 2000 copies having been made. It's a damn shame, because I would love to see Tricia Helfer and/or Grace Park on TV vamping it up to hawk this product.

Dogma/Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back/Clerks II: Mooby the Golden Calf

OK, this technically wasn't a product tie-in, as it was created specifically for the movies listed above, but it was so well conceived & executed that I just had to include it. Introduced in the movie "Dogma", the character of Mooby the Golden Calf served a dual purpose. At first glance, Mooby appears to be an analogue for popular cartoon characters like Mickey Mouse that became so popular that a lucrative business was generated around it as a result. But Mooby also served as a prime example of idolatry. For those of you not familiar with the term, it is the worship of things other than God. It was no accident that the character of Mooby is a golden calf, as it is a reference to a story in the Old Testament of the Bible in which people worshipped a golden statue of a calf. The board of directors for the corporation that owns Mooby got executed by Matt Damon's fallen angel Loki, but the concept survived as a chain of fictional fast food restaurants in "Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back" and "Clerks II".

The next "Trust me...I'm a doctor!" Dr. Pepper commercial: Dr. Who

This one doesn't exist yet, but it's not beyond the realm of possibility. Imagine if you will, Dr. Who running for his life from a group of Daleks. When he makes his escape in the Tardis, he turns to the camera and complains about the hectic schedule a time lord like him keeps. He then opens up a Dr. Pepper and slowly sips it down, exhorting the advantages of slowing down to savor all 23 flavors contained within like Dr. J & Dr. Dre before him. Think it's too far-fetched of an idea? It's a good sight more appropriate than trying to tie in Gene Simmons of Kiss into the "Trust me...I'm a doctor" campaign, and it would definitely increase the fanbase for the cult BBC hit show.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

Pulp Fiction (the bookstore, not the Tarantino film) is closing the doors of its location at Lakewood & Carson on Saturday, June 27, 2009, and will be moving into a new, larger location at 1742 Clark Av. (near Atherton St.). The new storefront will be open for business on Wednesday, July 1, 2009, just in time for new comic book day.

It was about five years ago that Mike Lerner opened up Pulp Fiction bookstore near Long Beach City College. The store was smaller and more streamlined than what was typical for comic book stores in the area, like Amazing Comics and the now-defunct 5-Star Comics owned by Rob Van Dam. Due to the size constraints of the store, Lerner adopted a leaner business model that focused more on stocking new comics, graphic novels & manga along with a limited number of higher-end comic book back issues. It's a business model that has since been adopted out of necessity by many of the larger comic book stores because of the dwindling returns from direct back-issue sales.

I was curious about Pulp Fiction when it first popped up, especially since it was giving LBC locals an alternative to the juggernaut that was Amazing Comics. But my wife developed a taste for the Chinese food at LV Seafood and loved to shop at Nused Books, both of which were across the street on Norse Way. Because of that, I would wander over to PF to look for comics while my wife shopped for paperback novels on the cheap, and I got to know Mike rather well during that time. It was happenstance that brought me there, but it was the discounted graphic novels (I had long since abandoned purchasing single issues of comics) and Mike's laid back-yet-knowledgeable demeanor that kept me coming back long after my wife stopped eating at LV Seafood (she became a vegetarian).

It will be interesting to see how Pulp Fiction will evolve now that it will boast more in-store space (and more storage space). It should make for a more comfortable environment to conduct in-store signings, if nothing else. If future book signings are anything like last February's, when Zeb Wells & Todd Nauck were signing the Spider-Man comic with the Obama appearance, then the extra space will come in handy indeed!

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

Thanks largely to the tremendous success of "Iron Man" and "The Dark Knight", comic-based movies dominated the box office in 2008. 2009 seems to be following a different trend. "Watchmen", while (for the most part) well-executed, didn't quite make the impact that we expected it would. And "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" didn't take home as much money as it could have thanks in some part to internet bootlegging. No, the movie genre that seems poised to make a large impact at theaters this year is TV show-based movie remakes.

I'm talking about the studios churning out movies based on TV shows that only older fogies like me would remember watching back in the 20th century. While this is not by any means a new trend, it has definitely become more pronounced since the start of the new millennium. This year alone has seen the release of remakes based on Star Trek and Land of the Lost, with a new Transformers film due out later this summer.

While some remakes work out well (like Barry Sonnenfeld's brilliant "The Addams Family"), others get an "A" for effort but don't quite hit the mark ("Lost in Space" comes to mind). And then there are the ones that are just bad beyond words. I think it would behoove all of us to review some of those flops in order to remind ourselves that we should choose the TV series remakes we sacrifice our $10 (or more) to see more judiciously at the theater.

Aeon Flux

This movie was based on a series of animated shorts with the same name that aired on MTV in the 1990's. Mind you, this was when the network still actually played music videos more than occasionally. Back in the day, MTV was also known for showcasing some of the most innovative animation around (Beavis & Butthead notwithstanding), and the ultra-violent, hypersexual Aeon Flux stood out from the crowd. The story is set in a fairly bleak future, where the anarchic nation of Monica is engaged in a Cold War with their nearest neighbor, the science-ruled state of Bregna. Aeon Flux is a Monican secret agent that is out to inflict some pain on her country's enemies. While she is quite skilled at acrobatics and killing people, she hasn't really mastered the fine art of living through her missions. Series creator Peter Chung had a penchant for killing his cartoonishly-skinny leading lady in almost every episode, starting a trend that Matt Stone & Trey Parker would make funny with Kenny's many demises in "South Park".

The movie version, starring Oscar-winning actress Charlize Theron, toned down the sex & violence to PG-13 levels, and a lot got lost in the translation from animation to film. Despite a valiant attempt to flesh out the futuristic world only hinted at in the animated series, the film failed to capture what made Aeon Flux so captivating in the first place. Peter Chung felt the same way, calling the final film product "a travesty".

Masters of the Universe

This movie was based on the insanely successful cartoon "He-Man & The Masters of the Universe". The series took place on the planet Eternia, which showcased the never-ending battle between He-Man and his allies and the sinister forces of Skeletor, was your basic sword & sorcery romp of a cartoon. Because it was based on the toy line of the same name (a standard practice in the 1980's), it boasted a colorful cast of characters on both sides of the fight, like Ram-Man, Tri-Klops & Trap Jaw. Yes, it was rather simplistic compared to some of the other cartoon fare of the day, and Orko, a whimsical imp of a character clearly created to appeal to the toddler set, got on the nerves of the rest of us. Despite those drawbacks it was still an entertaining show, at least for children.

Even though a couple of years had passed between my watching the series and the movie coming out, I figured that it would be at least as enjoyable as the cartoon. I could not have been more wrong. They got Dolph Lundgren (he played the Russian boxer Ivan Drago from "Rocky IV") to play He-Man, and although he definitely looked the part, he didn't quite bring the right sensibility to the character. It didn't help that although the characters were from Eternia, the story took place on Earth, or that the many colorful characters from the series were largely left out of the movie. Orko was axed, but he was replaced by Gwildor, a Yoda ripoff played by the High Aldwin himself (gold star for the reader that actually gets this obscure reference), the late Billy Barty. All in all, they would have been far better off ditching the horrible idea all together and putting together an animated movie, like Paramount did with the "The Transformers: The Movie" back in 1986.

Bewitched

The original "Bewitched" television show, which aired from 1964 to 1972, followed the adventures of an advertising executive named Darren Stephens and his wife Samantha, a housewife that happens to be a witch. Samantha fell in love with mortal Darren and married him despite the fact that her relatives disapprove of any relations with mere humans. The awkwardly hilarious situations revolved largely around their attempts to hide Samantha's power from other humans and her family's repeated pranks on husband Darren. All of this made for a brilliant show, and many years later a remake seemed like a natural fit. If only the script writers had come up with a worthy story!

Instead of a straight-up homage to the TV show, the story is about (brace yourself) the making of a movie remake of "Bewitched". Will Ferrell plays an egotistical Hollywood star hired to play Darren in the remake, and Nicole Kidman plays the unknown actress hired to play Samantha. The twist is, Kidman's character is actually a real-life witch, and hilarity ensues once the stage is set. At least, that was what was supposed to happen. What actually happened was a train-wreck of a movie about making a remake, which was topped off by a lack of romantic chemistry between Kidman & Ferrell.

The Winning Formula?

To the writing team that is working on the upcoming "A-Team" remake with Liam Neeson & Bradley Cooper, consider this a good piece of advice. It seems to me that if you are going to do a movie based on a television show, you should, at the very least, do extensive research on the show to find out what made it click with viewers in the first place. If you don't carry over at least the spirit of the source material, the movie is more likely to be a flop.

As usual, if you folks feel that I left something important out (or just think that I'm full of it), by all means leave some feedback below.

I don't know about you, but I was annoyed when I heard about the Disney movie "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius" back in 2001. When I heard about the Disney cartoon series it spawned, "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", I was downright appalled. It's not because of anything to do with the cartoon itself, however. It is because Disney likely got the concept for their series (I would go so far as to say they stole the concept outright) from an independent comic book series called The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius.

Created by Judd Winick (Green Arrow & Black Canary) and published by Oni Press, Barry Ween predates Jimmy Neutron by a couple of years and is immensely more entertaining. Originally released in single issues, they are collected in the following trade paperbacks:

1. The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius
2. The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius 2.0
3. The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius: Monkey Tales
4. The Adventures of Barry Ween, Boy Genius: Gorilla Warfare

They are also now available in a single volume called The Big Book of Barry Ween, which was released in comic book stores today.

Barry Ween is a 10-year old with an unparalleled genius intellect. In his own words, he was born smart, exhibiting self-awareness while in his mother's womb. Imagine a kid from South Park with the unlimited knowledge & technological resources of Reed Richards, the acerbic, paranoid wit of Bill Hicks & the mouth of a New York cabbie and you begin to grasp just what Barry as a character is capable of.

Barry is a bit of a paradox, a genius that recognizes that most geniuses before him have taken themselves way too seriously. His evaluations of what he considers to be historical intellectual peers are hilarious. For example, he sums up Thomas Edison thusly: "What an a**hole. Smart guy, but also a patent thief that had an ego to almost eclipse the mountain of self-importance I possess." But for all his successes, he has made his fair share of blunders in his pursuit of scientific knowledge, like giving Hippos the reproductive capabilities of rats ("STOP HUMPING, YOU FAT F**KS!!"). Indeed, it is the side-effects of these experiments that offer the best comedic material to work with.

These experimental snafus tend to affect his friends Jeremy & Sara and his parents most profoundly. In some of the stories, his parents get kidnapped by a drunken sasquatch, his father's body regresses to that of a neanderthal, Sara gets sucked into an alternate dimension & becomes a warrior princess, and Jeremy accidentally drinks a formula that turns him into a dinosaur. Most of these scenarios lead to a plethora of well-crafted blue jokes that would make Matt Stone & Trey Parker green with envy.

Oddly enough, the real surprise comes from how well those jokes go hand-in-hand with genuine human emotion and interaction. Barry would likely be as boring as a pre-"An Inconvenient Truth" Al Gore if it weren't for the rapport between him and his supporting cast, Jeremy, Sara & Bigfoot-turned-teenager Roxie. It is his interaction with them that makes the stories so rewarding and, in the case of the story "The Tale of the Great Ape", emotionally stirring.

The only flaw that I can find with this series at this point is the fact that there haven't been any new issues out in a few years. This is because Judd Winick is currently focusing his creative efforts on mainstream superhero books like The Titans for DC. As a fanboy, I can say that he is wrote some of the best Green Arrow & Outsiders stories in years, but I would much rather have some new Barry Ween at my fingertips. If you guys read the series and love it as much as I do, let's blow up his Facebook & MySpace pages and see if we can motivate him to get back to work on it.

By Ryan Riley, Contributor

The release of "X-Men Origins: Wolverine" is only a few days away, so the Wolverine-centric columns continue. This second installment on the character of Wolverine will focus on some of the less-than-shining moments of his career. He may be the best there is at what he does, but he is also pretty good at getting himself into some humiliating situations.

Wolverine in orbit

During the X-Men's first encounter with the Shi'ar, the group entered the inside of the reality nexus known as the M'Kraan Crystal in an attempt to prevent the destruction of the universe. They are confronted by the guardian of the crystal, a diminutive gent named Jahf. Wolverine, as he was wont to do in his early days as an X-Man, didn't take Jahf's threats at all seriously because of his small stature, and was knocked into orbit for his lack of respect. If it hadn't been for the Starjammers intercepting him as he reached escape velocity, it was likely his healing factor wouldn't have saved him.

Half the man he used to be

The oft-delayed Ultimate Wolverine vs. Hulk mini-series opened up with an image so visceral that it was both embarrassing and gruesome at the same time. Wolverine accepts an assignment to track down Bruce Banner, who escaped his execution at the hands of his former bosses at S.H.I.E.L.D. He finds Banner, who has managed to find a way to retain his mental faculties as the Hulk. When Wolverine moves to apprehend the Hulk, the Hulk grabs him, tears him in half and tosses his torso and legs miles away from each other. Wolvie then has to do a soldier's crawl across miles of forest to reunite with his missing legs.

The mutant with no nose

To be fair, this is technically more of a "What the hell was Marvel thinking?" moment, but the look that Wolverine sported around the time of the Onslaught crossover was so cringe-inducing that I felt it had to be included. Back in the mid 1990's, Wolverine was dealing with the effects of having all the adamantium torn from his bones (including his claws) by Magneto in the Fatal Attractions storyline. A villain named Genesis (who turned out to be Cable's son - don't ask) happened upon the idea of kidnapping Wolverine and giving him his adamantium back in order to use him as a weapon. In the middle of the procedure, Wolverine awakens and starts to struggle, resulting in his body violently expelling the adamantium before it could bond with his bones. This resulted in what appeared to be a slide down the evolutionary ladder for our boy. With a caveman-like body, lung teeth, a messed-up hairdo (for Wolverine, that's saying something) and a vestigial stump of the nose, his physical appearance was bad enough. When Marvel put him in a costume that would have made Rob Liefeld wince, it made for one of the least auspicious eras for the perennial fan-favorite.

"Percy Dovetonsils"

Leave it to Joss Whedon to bring out the wimp in Wolverine. In Whedon's third story arc on Astonishing X-Men, Torn, Prof. Xavier's evil sister Cassandra Nova activates a telepathic virus that enables her to manipulate Emma Frost into attacking her fellow X-Men. She puts them through what each would consider their own private hell, like having Beast regress to a completely feral state. But what she did to Wolverine was diabolical indeed. She reached into his earliest memories and regressed him to his childhood state, where he was a sickly little crybaby of a boy. This results in his making paper dolls and running away from danger like a scared little girl above other things. The effect was short lived, but for a short time his motto was "I'm the best there is at what I do, but what I do...is ever so pretty!"

Beaten up by a (spider) woman

Early into Brian Michael Bendis' run on New Avengers, it seemed like he relished placing Wolverine into embarrassing situations. But possibly the most emasculating of them all was his very first appearance in the book. In the aftermath of the jailbreak at the Raft, Captain America takes his team of New Avengers, including Spider-Woman, Luke Cage & Spider-Man, to the Savage Land to recapture Karl Lykos (a.k.a. Sauron). Shortly after they land there the group gets separated. Spider-Woman spots a menacing shadow approaching her from the jungle brush and reacts in kind. When it is all done, her and Cage are witness to a laid-flat Wolverine that has had his claws forcibly lodged into his own throat. Face it, Wolverine, you got served!

It is now your turn...

You guys should know the drill by now. Share your favorite embarrassing Wolverine moments with us and the rest of the class.