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September 21, 2006
Hot Pockets have lost their luster
During college, I counted Hot Pockets microwave foods among my best friends. They were quick and filling. Now that I work the night shift I still rely on microwave meals for my 2 a.m. dinnertime snack, but I've moved onto SmartOnes and Lean Cuisine foods.
Recently, though, I picked up some Hot Pockets at the store - perhaps as a nostalgic trip back to those rowdy college days of two years ago. I heated them up, bit in, and recoiled. Those things are really pretty disgusting.
First of all, the outside never crips properly, leaving some parts really hard and others soft. There doesn't seem to be enough cheese, and the ham - well, the ham just isn't right.
Now I'm left to consider this point: Have Hot Pockets changed, or have I? Have their standards slipped, or mine risen? I have to at least entertain the idea that, despite my toucan-feather hat and Family Guy addiction, some part of me may have matured.
What's next? Will I turn a blind eye to Taco Bell quesadillas? Finally invest in some pants devoid of denim? Leave behind my playboy lifestyle and ditch the Ferrari? Egads!
What will become of me in this post-Hot Pockets era? Stay tuned.
Posted by Greg Sidor at September 21, 2006 05:02 AM
Comments
I recently had a similar experience ... with Otter Pops. Once a summer-long infatuation in my youth, I hadn't tasted a Louie Blue Raspberry or Little Orange Annie in years. The best was to mash them up in their plastic wrapper until they were partly thawed and drink them like slushies.
I spotted some at the store a while back and thought my kids would enjoy them. One balmy July night, I recalled having an unopened box of 18 colorful concoctions in the freezer. I snagged a Sir Isaac Lime, relishing the memory of that raspy tanginess that used to tingle in my throat like I'd just chugged a thawed can of concentrate orange juice.
But no. It had all the flavor of an ice cube with some Fun Dip sprinkled on it. I'm not sure if the company went on the cheap and doubled the amount of water in the recipe, or maybe a few years back the FDA ruled the lingering scratchiness in your throat was due to an ingredient that had burned a hole in the stomachs of lab rats.
No way were these my Otter Pops. My kids will inhale them and consider them the nectar of the gods. But Alexander the Grape, Strawberry Shortcake and the gang ... they might as well be dead to me.
Posted by: B-Two at September 21, 2006 11:02 AM
Perhaps you need to make the transition to Lean Pockets.
Posted by: Steven Rosenberg at September 21, 2006 01:14 PM
I would suggest you hold off on buying that diamond encrusted fly-swatter and get a new microwave, or maybe get a toaster oven. Sure it will take longer but it will be worth it. Trust me on this.
Posted by: The man C-los at September 24, 2006 01:38 PM