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October 11, 2006
Don't smile for the camera!
Ask yourself, is this Kim Jong Il, feared leader of North Korea, or did someone's grandpa just wander into the shot?
Now that he may have entered the nuclear club, it's time for the next step: Makeover!
Call it "Queer Eye for the Despotic Guy." I'm no fashion expert, but I've got a few suggestions:
1. Lose the glasses: Don't hide those eyes away! Making eye contact is critical to maintaining strong relationships - especially with the ladies.
2. New haircut!: Receding hair isn't uncommon; rising hair is. The sooner you make peace with your small stature, the sooner you can make it work for you. Maybe you can try slicking back the hair like Tom Hanks in "The Da Vinci Code." Grrr!
3. Pin some medals to that shirt!: Every military strongman needs some "flair." In fact, you can pretty much go crazy in this department. Blue, red, green, purple - only your imagination is holding you back.
4. Loosen up!: Being fashionable isn't just about what your wearing - it's what's inside, too! You always look so tense and unemotional. Relax, and maybe a smile will sneak across your face! Remember, you have to be feared and loved - so let them see the tender side once in a while.
5. Buy a Hawaiian shirt: Trust me on this. People love a good Hawaiian shirt - and come to think of it, I've never seen a bad one.
Posted by Greg Sidor at October 11, 2006 04:38 AM
Comments
I like the way you're thinking, Greg. Some more ideas:
1) Ink. I'm talking tats, and lots of 'em. Cuz when your nukular scud is a dud, nothing says, "BACK OFF!" more than body art. All right ... maybe with the exception of a sweet set of Yosemite Sam mud flaps. But straight up, we're talking License to Il. Maybe a massive mushroom cloud across the back. And while the tribal arm band might be sooooo 2001 here in the good ol' U.S. of A., you know it'd be the shnizzle in NoKo.
2) The Hawaiian shirt is key. I can totally envision the Jonger complementing it with some off-white khaki shorts, a snappy yet smart hemp man purse and a pair of Birks. My biggest fear -- no one reminds him to ditch the knee-high black socks.
3) And for the finishing touch ... I've got two words for you: soul patch. Nothing lures the ladies and says I'm in touch with my inner chi more than a half-inch-by-half-inch remnant of facial hair.
Posted by: B-Two at October 12, 2006 10:53 AM
hee.hee.
Posted by: Michelle Long at October 13, 2006 09:36 PM