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December 17, 2006

Ewww ...

In what could be the worst possible press for the state of Wisconsin, a man hit a seven-legged, hermaphroditic deer with his truck - and then ate it! So not only does Wisconsin have mutant animals, but it has residents willing to ingest them! Way to go, cheeseheads!

Culinary adventurist Rick Lisko said simply, "It was tasty."

I don't hold any medical degrees (my "Dr. of Love" certificate comes from Kinkos), but I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to eat nature's rough drafts.

If I happen to kill a seven-legged deer with two reproductive organs, I order pizza that night.

Forestry officials believe the deer may have thrown himself in front of the truck because the other members of the herd wouldn't let him play their games. A pity.

Posted by Greg Sidor at 04:15 AM | Comments (0)

December 13, 2006

Soy toy

Our children are going homosexual en masse, but the culprit is not who you think. Nix Hollywood, the radical gay agenda, and even Nancy Pelosi. The reason they can't get enough of same-sex love is ... soy.

That's right, soy. The ingredient in all kinds of healthy foods. But according to WorldNetDaily's Jim Rutz, when you gulp down that glass of soy milk, "you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens." And this is bad news, at least for men.

Drinking soy and its estrogens saps your masculinity and brings out your "female side." What exactly the "female side" entails isn't specified, but suffice it to say that Mr. Rutz believes you're only one glass away from buying the whole "Sex and the City" DVD collection.

Babies fare even worse. According to the column, "Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day." This can cause the baby to evaporate in a process known as "unborning." OK, I made that last part up.

Other nasty things happen to very sensitive places, according to the author.

In a related story, I'm retiring from the satire/humor writing field, as Mr. Rutz has far surpassed anything I could have come up with. He surely has a job waiting for him at The Onion.

And here I wasn't even aware that our kids were turning gay in such huge numbers. It would probably be a surprise to the editors of Maxim Magazine and the guys behind the "Girls Gone Wild" videos.

I have a sneaking suspicion this article was actually written by lobbyists for the dairy industry, but I'm going to follow Mr. Rutz's lead and not do any serious research on it.

Kudos, WorldNetDaily, for alerting us to the soy situation. Fox News is no doubt kicking themselves for sitting on this story.

Of course, I drink 2% milk, and still find Sean Hannity mighty attractive. How do you explain that?**

**This is a joke. I'm so hetero it hurts. I've seriously considered taking up gator-wrestling as a hobby.

Posted by Greg Sidor at 02:32 AM | Comments (0)

December 06, 2006

Peeping Mahmoud

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is in hot water with his puppetmasters after watching women sing and dance at a ceremony in Qatar.

Apparently, Iranian Islamic law forbids women from singing and dancing in front of men. And men certainly aren't supposed to enjoy it.

From the Guardian: Religious fundamentalists, usually Mr. Ahmadinejad's keenest supporters, are asking why he attended a ceremony that violated his own government's strict interpretation of Shia Islam.

They're also asking why he kept lifting his eyebrows and motioning for the women to "call him."

The situation is made all the more serious after an incident last week, when Ahmadinejad's mother lifted his mattress to reveal Playboy's "Women of al Qaida" issue stashed away.

"We fear he may be girl crazy," said one Iranian diplomatic source. "How can you persue the annihilation of Israel and make time for smokin' hot honeys? We just hope he keeps his priorities straight."

Posted by Greg Sidor at 01:52 AM | Comments (1)