« Peeping Mahmoud | Main | Ewww ... »
December 13, 2006
Soy toy
Our children are going homosexual en masse, but the culprit is not who you think. Nix Hollywood, the radical gay agenda, and even Nancy Pelosi. The reason they can't get enough of same-sex love is ... soy.
That's right, soy. The ingredient in all kinds of healthy foods. But according to WorldNetDaily's Jim Rutz, when you gulp down that glass of soy milk, "you're also getting substantial quantities of estrogens." And this is bad news, at least for men.
Drinking soy and its estrogens saps your masculinity and brings out your "female side." What exactly the "female side" entails isn't specified, but suffice it to say that Mr. Rutz believes you're only one glass away from buying the whole "Sex and the City" DVD collection.
Babies fare even worse. According to the column, "Research is now showing that when you feed your baby soy formula, you're giving him or her the equivalent of five birth control pills a day." This can cause the baby to evaporate in a process known as "unborning." OK, I made that last part up.
Other nasty things happen to very sensitive places, according to the author.
In a related story, I'm retiring from the satire/humor writing field, as Mr. Rutz has far surpassed anything I could have come up with. He surely has a job waiting for him at The Onion.
And here I wasn't even aware that our kids were turning gay in such huge numbers. It would probably be a surprise to the editors of Maxim Magazine and the guys behind the "Girls Gone Wild" videos.
I have a sneaking suspicion this article was actually written by lobbyists for the dairy industry, but I'm going to follow Mr. Rutz's lead and not do any serious research on it.
Kudos, WorldNetDaily, for alerting us to the soy situation. Fox News is no doubt kicking themselves for sitting on this story.
Of course, I drink 2% milk, and still find Sean Hannity mighty attractive. How do you explain that?**
**This is a joke. I'm so hetero it hurts. I've seriously considered taking up gator-wrestling as a hobby.
Posted by Greg Sidor at December 13, 2006 02:32 AM