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June 26, 2007
PETA's beef with Michael Moore
PETA president Ingrid Newkirk, in a mean-spirited jab at filmmaker Michael Moore, wrote that the controversial and pleasantly plump activist should consider going vegan to cut down on his weight. Moore's new film, "Sicko," comes down hard on the U.S. healthcare system, but Newkirk says Moore needs to take responsibility for his own poor health.
No one even knows why Moore is overweight. Maybe he has a condition that is hard to control, or he eats a decent diet but has a really slow metabolsim. Who's to say he gorges himself on steak, hot dogs, or the occasional PETA protester?
The saddest part of this is that PETA needs to piggyback off another activist to gain attention for itself. Apparently the "eat-healthy-but-never-enjoy-another-meal" mantra isn't bringing in supporters like it used to.
Meat may not always be the best choice, but it is OUR choice, PETA. Michael Moore doesn't come down to your office and tell you to turn down the Joni Mitchell album, so please don't attack him for whatever personal problems he may have.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 04:11 PM | Comments (0)
June 22, 2007
Bush falls below Jar Jar Binks in latest poll
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| Bush, left, with the unbelievably unlikable Binks. (Bush photo by Eric Draper/White House) |
By Greg Sidor, Satirical Correspondent
A Newsweek poll shows President Bush's popularity at a new low of 26%. This makes Mr. Bush the least-popular commander-in-chief since Richard Nixon.
More ominous, it marks the first time a president has fallen below the notorious Binks line, a measurement used by pollsters that compares one's popularity to universally loathed "Star Wars" character Jar Jar Binks.
"Pollsters usually mark Binks' approval rating at a steady 27%," said analyst Richard Gibbons of Numbers, Inc. "That's usually made up of people under various forms of mental distress, and we think a percentage of them may not even know who Binks is, so they haven't developed the proper sense of disgust the general population maintains."
White House Press Secretary Tony Snow was quick to try and spin the bad news.
"It may seem bad at first, but let's not forget that Binks went on to rise up the ranks in 'Star Wars,' eventually becoming an important member of the Galactic Senate," Snow said.
Snow wouldn't comment on other results of the poll, which revealed that 56% of Americans would rather have a beer with Jar Jar Binks.
"It certainly calms my mind a bit," said filmmaker George Lucas. "For a time I was afraid I'd created the most disappointing, wildly incompetent character in history. It's good to see the boys in Washington still have the gusto to surpass the best in Hollywood."
Posted by Greg Sidor at 12:50 AM | Comments (0)
June 21, 2007
The Ladies of the IDF
Apparently the Israelis are disturbed that young American men seem disinterested in their country, and hope this will pique their interest.
Naturally, many in Israel say the move is tasteless, and that there's plenty to promote about the country without showing skin.
Someone always has to rain on the parade, don't they?
On the plus side for Israel, Hamas will probably stay out of this conflict. I doubt Maxim even operates a Gaza bureau.
My philosophy: If it gets the kids to read, it can't be a bad thing.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 12:48 AM | Comments (1)
June 20, 2007
A vote for Hillary is a vote for Celine Dion
I'm befuddled by Hillary Clinton's choice for a campaign song. The track, You and I by Celine Dion, really isn't the kind of tune that picks you up and gets you ready to fight.
Besides dating herself (does anyone under 50 even listen to Dion?), the song doesn't seem to have relevance to the campaign. If she was going to go this route, she should have just used a song from the public domain and avoided the royalties. Or choosen some really soulful elevator music.
I'm undecided on who I'll vote for, but one thing is for sure: If Obama chooses something with a little more kick, I may just suffer a 'Barak attack' and land in his camp.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 12:40 AM | Comments (0)
June 19, 2007
When you can't 'hug it out'
School officials say unwanted contact can lead to fights, but students say they can police themselves as to what constitutes improper contact.
This could be dangerous. As of now, it's unknown what the consequences of losing the high-five could be for society at large. It's really all that separates us from the other great apes when it comes to social contact. Do these school officials expect students to go back to grunting and yelling when something positive happens?
As for the hugs, you can take them or leave them. I'm sure students would be thrilled to get a hug from their secret crush, but not so much from the smelly kid who sits in the corner.
And lets not forget that one of the root causes of the Spanish-American War was a hug that the Americans thought went on for just a little too long.
I'll be watching the situation closely, and you'll be the first to know if hug-related violence breaks out in Virginia.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 12:52 AM | Comments (0)
June 17, 2007
New (sick) Abu Ghraib revelations
Seymour Hersh has an article in The New Yorker that reveals disturbing new aspects of the Abu Ghraib prison scandal.
Hersh talks to Army Major General Antonio M. Taguba, who led the initial inquiry into the abuses, and seems none too pleased at the behavior of senior officials and the scapegoating of lower-ranking soldiers.
And if you thought the abuses were limited to putting hoods on detainees and hooking up electrodes to sensitive body parts, you'd only be scratching the tip of the iceberg.
Taguba says objects were forced up detainee's rectums, and that he saw video of "a male American soldier in uniform sodomizing a female detainee."
Also disturbing, and puzzling: "Taguba had seen classified documents revealing that there were only 'one or two' suspected Al Qaeda prisoners at Abu Ghraib. Most of the detainees had nothing to do with the insurgency. A few of them were common criminals."
If anyone doubts the pure evil in these acts, consider the fact that, if released, these common criminals probably held a grudge against the United States, and held captive audiences with their friends talking about how they'd been treated. And that has no doubt come back to bite us in the form of the insurgency.
At its worst, this kind of behavior is Draconian. At it's best, it's quite short-sighted.
It's time to fully account for these abuses, and make sure those in power then are no longer in control now. While some may describe conditions on the battlefield as complex and brutal, there's no excuse for resorting to such hellish tactics when someone is disarmed and under your control.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 03:55 AM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2007
An award you don't want to win
Sixth-grader Matt Porter is upset after his teachers presented him with an award for Most Likely Not to Have Children during a ceremony at his Indiana school.
Now his parents want an apology, but apparently it hasn't been forthcoming from the teachers involved.
This could be a devastating blow to a kid heading out on summer vacation. How's he going to hit up the ice cream shop or movie theatre with that award hanging over his head? Confidence is everything at that age, and no matter how he rolls, this has done serious damage to his rep.
I wouldn't know the feeling, as I was the proud recipient of the "Most Likely to Devastate a Whole City with His Good Looks" award in sixth grade, but this kid deserves an apology, or else he could become the "Most Likely to Litigate."
Posted by Greg Sidor at 12:39 AM | Comments (0)
June 13, 2007
City boy mighty impressed by Yosemite
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| David McNew/Newsmakers |
I've always been a city slicker who preferred the comforts of a warm bed to the grit of the outdoors. When I visited the Grand Canyon as a child, I consciously sized it up to see how many strip malls would fit inside.
But even I was awestruck when I visited Yosemite National Park for the first time on Sunday. While I'd seen the Rocky Mountains and badlands of South Dakota, I hadn't come across anything like the towering granite formations and the elegant Yosemite Falls cascading over the edge.
It's well worth the drive through California's less-than-scenic heartland to spend some time among El Capitan, Half Dome, and a seemingly endless supply of chubby squirrels.
While the scenery was awesome, the most interesting feature of the park was what I didn't see: a single Starbucks.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 06:17 PM | Comments (0)
June 08, 2007
Paris loses her street cred
While it's hard to make much sense out of the Paris saga, one thing is clear - Ms. Hilton has lost any street cred she had.
Crying out "It's not fair!" and calling for you mom at the age of 26 really does damage to one's image. I guess there's no gangsta rap album in her future.
Paris apparently couldn't handle the rigors of solitary confinement. I've never been, but people in Iowa spend their whole lives in the same town with nothing to do, so I think the Heiress could spend a couple weeks in the pokey.
It's time to man-up, get same tatts (that's tattoos, for the uninitiated) and sit it out. Godspeed, Paris.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 06:22 PM | Comments (0)
June 02, 2007
Peggy Noonan late to the party
Conservative columnist Peggy Noonan has written a piece criticizing President Bush for squandering the political gains he made after 9-11, and fragmenting the Republican party to the point where they may lose the White House.
But the article turns out to be an equally persuasive indictment of Ms. Noonan and her ideological comrades, who where all too happy to ride the Bush train when only liberal Americans were feeling alienated by the administration's self-destructive policies.
Regarding the new immigration bill and how the president has dealt with conservative outrage over it, she remarks, "on immigration it has changed from 'Too bad' to 'You're bad.'"
Noonan goes on to say, "The president has taken to suggesting that opponents of his immigration bill are unpatriotic--they 'don't want to do what's right for America.' His ally Sen. Lindsey Graham has said, 'We're gonna tell the bigots to shut up.'"
Boo-hoo, Peggy. This is vintage George W. Bush, and it turns out you don't like the sour taste anymore than we liberals.
Bush has made a political career out of painting anyone who disagrees as not only ignorant, but cowardly and dangerous.
In 2006 Bush remarked about Democrats, "The party of FDR and the party of Harry Truman has become the party of cut and run." The sin of the opposing party? Casting doubt on a disastrous invasion and occupation.
The GOP as a whole has painted homosexuals as the threatening "other," seeking to undermine marriage, the foundation of American life (which apparently only works out for 50% of us, anyway). This fear has brought voters to the polls in support of gay-marriage bans.
Make no doubt about it, the insinuation is quite cynical. Al Qaida can bring down buildings, but homosexuals are seeking to alter the fabric of American life.
Ms. Noonan is late to the party, and finding out that her host isn't who she thought he was. Peggy, that slight anger and sting you feel? Welcome to the past seven years of my political life.
Posted by Greg Sidor at 01:22 AM | Comments (0)