Every year when i attend this 12-day festival of LGBT films, I think back to my teen years growing up in Orange County in the early 80s. When I found out about a movie called "Making Love" starring Kate Jackson of "Charlie's Angels" with Michael Ontkean as her gay husband and Harry Hamlin as his lover, I knew I had to see this movie. But I was still in the closet with double locks on the door. What if someone saw me? Still, had to go.
It was on a Saturday afternoon and I headed out to nearby South Coast Plaza wearing sunglasses and a baseball cap (not kidding, unfortunately) and nervously bought a ticket just sure that everyone I ever knew was watching me. I saw the movie, developed a huge crush on Ontkean but not so much Hamlin (who knew he'd become the Sexiest Man Alive?), and thought maybe there would be lots more gay-themed dramas like it coming out of Hollywood.

But when the AIDS crisis hit, many of the movies like "Longtime Companion" and "Parting Glances" were heartbreaking stories about the disease and while I saw every one of them, it was pretty depressing after awhile.

Fast-forward 25 years to this Outfest, the same year "Brokeback Mountain" is a critical and commercial hit. I see men and women, young and old, blissfully holding hands and enjoying an array of movies ranging from heavy dramas (the superb 'A Love to Hide' and 'The Gymnast among others) to heartfelt comedies ('Dirty Laundry' and "Fat Girls") to silly comedies ('Eating Out 2: Sloppy Seconds) to a sexy but too long romantic drama ('Broken Sky') to a superb television drama that was prematurely cancelled ("The Book of Daniel") to wonderful documentaries ("Camp Out" was my favorite) to collections of short films of varying quality.

I attended nearly every day of Outfest and it was great to catch up with people, to meet such talented filmmakers and actors, and to get some free food and drinks at the post-movie receptions. To top it all off, I proudly wore my bright yellow Outpass around my neck for the world to see. No baseball cap or sunglasses for me.

Those days are long gone.