Newsflash: Liza's ex David Gest insists he's not gay!

I don't mean to be completely unkind but I ask you, is there a grosser minor celebrity on the planet than David Gest, the strange music promoter who Liza Minnelli inexplicably married earlier this decade? I thought he was a creep from their first interview together and he set my gaydar off so loudly that I believe I broke the city noise ordinance. Anyway, the courtship went like this: Gest meets Liza when she appears on a Michael Jackson birthday special that he is producing. She's massively overweight and in a career slump.
Next thing ya know, she's lost like 100 pounds, they get married in a lavish ceremony where he kisses her like a 12 year old boy who had never kissed a girl before. Liza records a live CD "Liza's Back!" Of course, above her name on the CD read: "David Gest Presents..." and they agree to do a reality show for MTV. But the show gets yanked and the couple splits and soon Gest is saying big ol' linebacker Liza had regularly beat him and verbally abused him. That Liza. What. A. Bully. Thank God David got out of there alive before Liza picked him up and threw him out of a window or something.

Anyway, now Gest is appearing on an Australian reality show similar to ABCs best forgotten "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here!" where "celebs" brave the elements in the jungle. Here is some excerpts from what Gest has been saying while in the rough: "They said 'was I straight, was I gay?' I always said, 'bring me one guy I’ve been with' - I’d love to meet him because, if I was into it, I’d be proud of it. I have tons of friends that are gay. They said that because of my wife who I’m getting divorced from was [a gay icon]. I never had a Judy Garland room, I never had a Shirley Temple room. These are all ridiculous things."

On his over-the-top kiss with a seemingly suffocating Minnelli at their church: "Donald Trump said to me that night I have never seen a kiss like that in my life. I was so excited and so in love that when I took my tongue it looked like I was eating a part of her because I went all the way through her mouth. It looked like I was a shark going in and I took every part of her mouth out with my tongue. And it was like a nine-minute kiss. When I saw it three months later when we were in bed I took the covers over me. I was going: 'Oh my God, Liza!'"

Oh my God is right...