One of my readers was ranting about Mario Cantone's appearing on "The View" this morning. Since I was in the shower washing what is left of my hair, I missed his interview with Barbara Walters, Joy Behar and guest host Lorraine Bracco. Thanks to AfterElton.com, I am now up to speed on what the outspoken and high-strung comedian said about his lack of desire to have kids:
CANTONE: Most stars (perform in animated movies) for their kids, 'Oh, it's something to show my kids.' First off, I don't have kids, I don't want kids, I do not care. I do not want them in my life. So I did this for me... for me!
BEHAR: But Mario, if gay guys don't have kids who's going...
CANTONE: Look, I don't want children. Let me tell you something, I... the gays might turn on me... if you're a man, adopt a child -- there are so many children and if you have a best friend that's a woman, have a child with her. But when it's two guys who mix the sperm up and shoot it into some strange woman and then then have the baby and it's like 'We don't know who the father is because we...' That's crazy! Crazy! I would want to know who my father is, 'Is it you daddy? Is it you daddy? Is it you daddy? Is it you daddy? Which daddy is it?'
WALTERS: But that could be a heterosexual couple.
MARIO: No, it couldn't be, because that's a man and a woman. No, it's too weird. It's too weird.... A lot of my friends are having children now. My friend, Pam, has a beautiful little daughter, Tess and she brought her over and I'm hung over that day on tequila. I was just like 'Ugh!' and she had pizza grease on her hand and she was going for the lampshade. I was like 'That's not oil proof!' and this vase, 'That's Versace!' I was horrified. I was so horrified. And then, at one point, she was playing peekaboo under the glass coffee table -- I have a glass coffee table. She was like 'Peekaboo.' I was like 'I can see you... it's glass.' I was like, 'Call me when your peekaboo technique gets a little better.'
BRACCO: Call me when you're 21 and we can go and have a drink.
CANTONE: Yeah, call me when we can have a conversation.