Obama's gay marriage position illicits strong reactions...

I've twice this week expressed my dismay over Barack Obama's comments Saturday in Orange County on gay marriage. He said he believes "marriage is between a man and a woman." For me, it was a throw us under the bus moment and it hurt me deeply. Does that mean I want John McCain to win in November? Heck no! And I'm not basing my vote in November on a single issue. But I have no regrets over voicing my disgust at hearing those words come out of his mouth the way that they did at this time in our history. To make it worse, he said it in California where we have a very important vote this November to protect our right to marry.

I appreciate all of the readers who took the time to write such long and thoughtful comments - even if some of them felt that I should keep my big mouth shut! I wanted to highlight some of them in this post - excellent points made by all.

From Scott: Greg, I really love your column, but I have to say that I think you're using a double standard here. If Hillary were the nominee, she would be staking out the exact same position as Obama (that is -- support for civil unions, but not for same-sex marriage). Yet, something tells me you would be able to overlook that -- or at least put it in better perspective -- if it were Hillary saying it. Make no mistake, Hilly would adopt this same position. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves. Also, implying Obama would not congratulate Ellen & Portia on their marriage is simply too much. You're taking what is a political reality (which is that a Presidential candidate cannot be pro-gay marriage right now) and then smearing him as a bigot. You also are overlooking the fact that he supports the full repeal of DOMA (Hillary only supported a partial repeal); supports the passage of ENDA and hate crimes legislation to include sexual orientation and gender identity; believes gay and lesbians should have the same rights to adopt children; and supports the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. But the critical tone of your post doesn't make any mention of these facts, and how he is miles away better than the alternative. Finally, I think there's a heck of a lot more at stake this election cycle than gay rights. I'm a gay man and a huge gay rights advocate, but to me the economy, the environment, and healthcare are my top 3 issues. This is an extraordinarily important election. We live in a complex and increasingly turbulent world, and given that it strikes me as myopic to base one's vote on a single issue.

From Peter: To me the telling thing about Obama not really being against gay marriage, (as nearly every politician is) it's that he keeps saying that it is up to the states and he will not stand in the way of any state making it legal. Nationally we would also have to get rid of the Defense of Marriage Act first, which is something Obama has repeatedly said he wants to pass legisation overturning. That would be any first step in the process of making gay marriage legal nationally.

From Doug: do you really expect a candidate running for president of the U.S. to say that they are PRO gay marriage? Really? That is incredibly naive. Clearly it would put the issue even MORE in the spotlight and be yet another way for McCain to clobber Obama. Face it, the majority of this country is NOT cool with gay marriage at this point and NO successful national candidate is going to be elected to office with a pro-gay marriage stance. I am relieved he is diffusing this hot-button issue with a middle of the road response. The less an issue this is the better. Let's say for a second he was PRO gay marriage. That would energize the far right even more to get out and vote this November--thus ensuring that Prop 8 would pass and kill marriage rights. Think about this very carefully, politically, strategically. That said Obama clearly is not going to nominate supreme court judges from the moral majority right wing. Your "disappointment" is understandable. It would be great if we lived in a country that is open minded and less simple-minded than it is. But this is America, land of they hypocrites who go to church on sunday and celebrate the myth of the ideal family, but surf porn on monday. Who divorce at alarming rates, but look poorly on people who divorce. Who have children with no parenting skills whatsoever, yet deny adoption rights to willing and capable gay parents. Yes, you move in liberal hollywood circles interviewing mostly liberal talent and it is easy to forget that the rest of the country is not like you. At all. Don't forget the sad scary reality that middle america calls the shots on who gets elected at the end of the day and the last thing we need is a liberal core base standing on the sidelines being critical of the democratic nominee. We need to unite with the common cause to keep McCain out of office this fall!

From Eric: To answer the question "do you really expect a candidate running for president of the U.S. to say that they are PRO gay marriage? " Yes! Absolutely! And yes I have thought about this very carefully, politically, strategically. You want to talk about naive? Naive are the lap dogs that give a free pass to politicians to allow continued discrimination against gays, regardless of party, because they live in fear of backlash Naive are those that think the Democrats really want to actually help gays. People thought that with Bill Clinton and we got "Don't ask, don't tell" and the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, and an angry finger wag when gays questioned him on it. Now the Democratic party is weakening the 2008 party platform on gay issues over that of 2004. A national strategy on combating HIV/AIDS,well,that too is now off the platform. The Republicans may not like gays, but the Democrats want gay money, then for us to go back in the closet and shut up. Neither party has the guts to stand up and do whats right. This is "Out in Hollywood", not "Hide in the Closet Hollywood". What is more disappointing than Obama's comments are some gays that think that just accepting that no mainstream candidate wants to support gay issues will somehow advance equality. Gays needs to quit being fearful of losing ground. If not now, then when. When the 2012 elections come along, some will say, lets wait another cycle for gay issues, then another cycle, and so on. Yes, there will ups and downs. There will be defeats. But think of all those who fought for gay rights when times were much less favorable than they are now. The only way to change the political landscape in a gay favorable way is to fight and demand equal rights of all elected officials without compromise. Every year that goes by is a year lost. Candidates from either party can overcome this issue if they are in touch with Americans on other issues (which the two current major candidates are not). Don't let the efforts of those who fought the good fight before be in vain. Let it be known that this is one voting block that will not be taken for granted. If you don't, there will be no real change.