Gay Marriage: August 2008 Archives

I'm sad to report that Del Martin, a woman who was part of the first legal gay marriage in California when she married her partner of 55 years in June, died Wednesday.

It's a beautiful thing though that she was able to get married to Phyllis Lyon before she passed on at age of 87 and got to be a part of history. Del helped found the pioneering lesbian-rights group the Daughters of Bilitis.

Ms. Lyon, 83, said in a statement, "I am devastated, but I take some solace in knowing we were able to enjoy the ultimate rite of love and commitment before she passed."

Her death came on the day that a new poll showed that a majority of California voters oppose a ballot initiative to ban gay marriage, though they are evenly split on the practice itself.

The discrepancy between voters' general attitudes against gay marriage and their position on banning it could be explained by a hesitancy to remove a constitutional right, said Mark Baldassare, president and chief executive of the Public Policy Institute of California, which conducted the poll.

On Thursday morning in Denver, San Francisco Mayor Gavin Newsom paid tribute to Del during an address to California delegate in town for the Democratic National Convention calling her "one of the great civil rights leaders of our time."

It was Newsom who married the couple earlier this summer - just as he had back in 2004 when when the San Francisco mayor challenged California's marriage laws by announcing that the city would issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples who requested them.

Before the start of the LGBT delegate lunch yesterday at the Sheraton (the one Michelle Obama made an unannounced visit to), I chatted up Barney Frank, one of only two openly-gay membes of congress.

I wanted to get Barney's thought on gay marriage in California since he is from Massachusetts where same-sex coupes can also marry and on Proposition 8 on the November ballot which seeks to re-ban gay marriage.

"I think that it;s very important that we win that," he said. "If this referendum were a year later, I'd be totally confident because once you have the reality of something like this, the opposition goes away because all of the negative arguements are proven incorrect. If it had happened last year, it would have lost. If it happened next year, it would have won big. This year I don't know. But one thing we know: the more people see what the reality is, the more the opposition ,melts away."

I read the item "Clinton, Schumer Under Fire For Gay Marriage Stance" on Queerty.com today with great interest because I have been so down on Barack Obama's stance on gay marriage and especially the manner in which he expressed it again last weekend.

There were some readers who wondered if I would have been as hard on Hillary Clinton since she has an identical stance. It's a fair question and maybe I would have cut her more slack because, overall, I thought she was the best person to lead this country.

With the Democratic National Convention beginning on Monday (I'll be there!), I realize it is time to get behind our candidate because I think, gay marriage stance excepted, he would be far better for our country - and a majority of Americans - than John McCain.

Ok, back to Hillary and gay marriage. on Queerty, gay activist Allen Roskoff has some harsh words for Clinton and her fellow New York Senator Chuck Schumer on their anti-gay marriage stance:

"It is way past time that our community start holding accountable the U.S. Senators from New York: Hillary Clinton and Charles Schumer. As New York State is on the verge of reaching marriage equality, it is a disgrace that both our U.S. senators still oppose our right to marry. While some people may like to bask in the sunlight of the razzle-dazzle Clinton and the powerful but boring Schumer, they do so at the expense of full recognition of our relationships."

"Unless the senators change their positions and support marriage equality by Valentine's Day, Feb. 14, 2009, I am calling on the LGBT community, including all the political clubs in New York, to declare the senators unwelcome to our support."

Wow. He has drawn a line in the sand. We'll have to stay tuned!

Love, love, love the new People Magazine with Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi's wedding featured. There is an interview with the brides inside and they were each asked when they knew they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together.
Portia: "Instantly."
Ellen: "The first time I ever saw her. We both knew when we met each other. We each knew each other for three years before we actually got together. The timing wasn;t right."
Portia: "When I met her, I just was so attracted to her and just wanted to be around her, but I was at a different stage. The scared stage, I was on 'Ally McBeal' and I couldn't imagine living as an openly gay woman. And to be with Ellen that meant that I would have to overcome a lot of my fears. So a few years passed and I wasn't going to let that opportunity pass me again. She's everything to me."

The Advocate will go from being a twice-weekly publication to a monthly one, the new editor Jon Barrett confirmed at the National Lesbian and Gay Journalists Association's LGBT Media Summit in Washington, D.C.

"I don't think there is a need for a biweekly magazine anymore with the Web," Barrett said. "We will have more room for bigger stories and we're going to get better writers....You will see more news in the magazine."

Barrett's first issue is the one currently on newsstands that features a cover story about Democratic presidential candidate Barack Obama. Here is an excerpt that is relevant to the debate that's been going on this week on this blog:

His promises to gay people -- full repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, a reversal of "don't ask, don't tell," immigration rights for same-sex couples, a fully inclusive Employment Non-Discrimination Act, and passage of the Matthew Shepard Act, which adds sexual orientation and gender identity to federal hate-crimes laws -- go further than any presidential nominee in history.

His stance on marriage is the one crashingly false note in his message to gay voters. It is difficult to understand his position as anything but calculated dissembling. Rick Garcia of Equality Illinois says, "I wish he was being brave and bold and doing the right thing, but it's his campaign's and his determination that it would not be helpful or beneficial when running for president of the United States at this particular time. I don't think he can risk any position other than the one he's taken."

Tracy Baim of Windy City Times observes that in Obama's most recent book, "he talks about a lesbian asking his position on marriage. He says, 'I might be on the wrong side of history....' Anybody who says that is self-aware enough to know that they in fact are on the wrong side of history."

Baim remembers pushing Obama in an interview to explain what she calls his "basic hypocrisy" on the issue: "I could sense someone who was trying to be practical and not treat it emotionally. I sat there and said, 'I don't have the same rights as you.' And he said, 'You're not going to get them right away, but here's what is possible.' That kind of equivocation can drive an activist crazy, but his job as a politician is to be practical."

Here is a LINK to the complete cover story by Michael Joseph Gross.

I've twice this week expressed my dismay over Barack Obama's comments Saturday in Orange County on gay marriage. He said he believes "marriage is between a man and a woman." For me, it was a throw us under the bus moment and it hurt me deeply. Does that mean I want John McCain to win in November? Heck no! And I'm not basing my vote in November on a single issue. But I have no regrets over voicing my disgust at hearing those words come out of his mouth the way that they did at this time in our history. To make it worse, he said it in California where we have a very important vote this November to protect our right to marry.

I appreciate all of the readers who took the time to write such long and thoughtful comments - even if some of them felt that I should keep my big mouth shut! I wanted to highlight some of them in this post - excellent points made by all.

From Scott: Greg, I really love your column, but I have to say that I think you're using a double standard here. If Hillary were the nominee, she would be staking out the exact same position as Obama (that is -- support for civil unions, but not for same-sex marriage). Yet, something tells me you would be able to overlook that -- or at least put it in better perspective -- if it were Hillary saying it. Make no mistake, Hilly would adopt this same position. Anyone who thinks otherwise is fooling themselves. Also, implying Obama would not congratulate Ellen & Portia on their marriage is simply too much. You're taking what is a political reality (which is that a Presidential candidate cannot be pro-gay marriage right now) and then smearing him as a bigot. You also are overlooking the fact that he supports the full repeal of DOMA (Hillary only supported a partial repeal); supports the passage of ENDA and hate crimes legislation to include sexual orientation and gender identity; believes gay and lesbians should have the same rights to adopt children; and supports the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell. But the critical tone of your post doesn't make any mention of these facts, and how he is miles away better than the alternative. Finally, I think there's a heck of a lot more at stake this election cycle than gay rights. I'm a gay man and a huge gay rights advocate, but to me the economy, the environment, and healthcare are my top 3 issues. This is an extraordinarily important election. We live in a complex and increasingly turbulent world, and given that it strikes me as myopic to base one's vote on a single issue.

From Peter: To me the telling thing about Obama not really being against gay marriage, (as nearly every politician is) it's that he keeps saying that it is up to the states and he will not stand in the way of any state making it legal. Nationally we would also have to get rid of the Defense of Marriage Act first, which is something Obama has repeatedly said he wants to pass legisation overturning. That would be any first step in the process of making gay marriage legal nationally.

From Doug: do you really expect a candidate running for president of the U.S. to say that they are PRO gay marriage? Really? That is incredibly naive. Clearly it would put the issue even MORE in the spotlight and be yet another way for McCain to clobber Obama. Face it, the majority of this country is NOT cool with gay marriage at this point and NO successful national candidate is going to be elected to office with a pro-gay marriage stance. I am relieved he is diffusing this hot-button issue with a middle of the road response. The less an issue this is the better. Let's say for a second he was PRO gay marriage. That would energize the far right even more to get out and vote this November--thus ensuring that Prop 8 would pass and kill marriage rights. Think about this very carefully, politically, strategically. That said Obama clearly is not going to nominate supreme court judges from the moral majority right wing. Your "disappointment" is understandable. It would be great if we lived in a country that is open minded and less simple-minded than it is. But this is America, land of they hypocrites who go to church on sunday and celebrate the myth of the ideal family, but surf porn on monday. Who divorce at alarming rates, but look poorly on people who divorce. Who have children with no parenting skills whatsoever, yet deny adoption rights to willing and capable gay parents. Yes, you move in liberal hollywood circles interviewing mostly liberal talent and it is easy to forget that the rest of the country is not like you. At all. Don't forget the sad scary reality that middle america calls the shots on who gets elected at the end of the day and the last thing we need is a liberal core base standing on the sidelines being critical of the democratic nominee. We need to unite with the common cause to keep McCain out of office this fall!

From Eric: To answer the question "do you really expect a candidate running for president of the U.S. to say that they are PRO gay marriage? " Yes! Absolutely! And yes I have thought about this very carefully, politically, strategically. You want to talk about naive? Naive are the lap dogs that give a free pass to politicians to allow continued discrimination against gays, regardless of party, because they live in fear of backlash Naive are those that think the Democrats really want to actually help gays. People thought that with Bill Clinton and we got "Don't ask, don't tell" and the Federal Defense of Marriage Act, and an angry finger wag when gays questioned him on it. Now the Democratic party is weakening the 2008 party platform on gay issues over that of 2004. A national strategy on combating HIV/AIDS,well,that too is now off the platform. The Republicans may not like gays, but the Democrats want gay money, then for us to go back in the closet and shut up. Neither party has the guts to stand up and do whats right. This is "Out in Hollywood", not "Hide in the Closet Hollywood". What is more disappointing than Obama's comments are some gays that think that just accepting that no mainstream candidate wants to support gay issues will somehow advance equality. Gays needs to quit being fearful of losing ground. If not now, then when. When the 2012 elections come along, some will say, lets wait another cycle for gay issues, then another cycle, and so on. Yes, there will ups and downs. There will be defeats. But think of all those who fought for gay rights when times were much less favorable than they are now. The only way to change the political landscape in a gay favorable way is to fight and demand equal rights of all elected officials without compromise. Every year that goes by is a year lost. Candidates from either party can overcome this issue if they are in touch with Americans on other issues (which the two current major candidates are not). Don't let the efforts of those who fought the good fight before be in vain. Let it be known that this is one voting block that will not be taken for granted. If you don't, there will be no real change.

In a blog post titled "Just Married," Ellen DeGeneres writes about getting married to Portia de Rossi on Saturday. There are some jokes, of course: "I had a big, big weekend. I got married to Portia de Rossi! Sorry, John Stamos... this one's taken."

,"The wedding was everything we hoped it could be," Ellen wrote. "I wish I could've invited all of you. But I have some pictures and video I can show you when Season 6 starts on September 8. I can't wait to see them too... it was all a blur. See you then."

"Blissfully yours, The just married Mrs. DeGeneres."

Barack Obama may believe that marriage "is between a man and a woman," anyone who sees a copy of next week's issue of People Magazine can see that it is not. It is between two people who love each other.

Obama's comments over the weekend still deeply disappoint me. Frankly, it makes me sick and not want to vote for him. But this post was meant to be about Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi. The fact is, Ellen is one of the most popular entertainers in America, beloved and respected. She's hosted the Oscars, won countless Emmys and has millions of people watching her on television every day. She got married last weekend and I love to see that People magazine is treating it like it would any other big celebrity wedding - which it is.

If Obama is elected (I'm sure I'll vote for him because the alternative is dreadful), I wonder if he'll invite Ellen and Portia to a White House state dinner and I wonder if he would congratulate them on their marriage.

I guess Ellen and Portia won't be getting a wedding gift from Democratic Presidential nominee Barack Obama. He said over the weekend that "I believe that marriage is the union between a man and a woman...I am not somebody who promotes same-sex marriage, but I do believe in civil unions."

I'm not gonna be knee-jerk because this position is no surprise. But hearing him say it causes me to be very angry and disappointed all over again. Does he believe in equal rights for all or not?

Congratulations to Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi who were married Saturday at their home in Los Angeles home before 19 of their family and friends. What a beautiful thing...

That is what US Weekly is reporting exclusively. If it's true, congratulations to these two talented and dynamic women who I greatly admire and am very happy for.

I say "if" because the memory of US Weekly editor Janice Min going on "The Today Show": to announce exclusively a few years back that Angelnia Jolie and Brad Pitt were gettoing married - or maybe it was Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn. Anyway, she was dead WRONG!

So, if Ellen and Portia do get married, US Weekly will restore some of its credibility in the area of wedding announcements.

I can't believe the nerve of this guy!

Okay, we know that Lindsay Lohan has never publicly acknowledged that she is in a lesbian relationship with Samantha Ronson. They are inseperable and they seem to be but she has not confirmed or denied. But her parents have commented on it including this latest from her father, Michael Lohan, who would do better to just keep his trap shut:

There have been rumors - which I doubt are true - that Lindsay and Samantha may be planning to say "I do." Someone asks her dad what he thinks and he, of course, can't resist an interview: "I haven't heard anything (about an upcoming wedding) from Lindsay, but if she was marrying Sam, I don't think she'd ask me to walk her down the aisle. She knows about my faith...she just wouldn't ask."

He did add this remark: "I want her to be happy and healthy and stay on the right path, If I discuss (her relationship), I say that I want her to be happy."

Then walk your daughter down the damned aisle if she asked you to!

The actress who we first came to know in the indie face "Welcome to the Dollhouse" (She was Dawn Weiner), played Ryan Phillippe's little sister in "54," and lit up the "Princess Diaries" flicks, will marry Carolyn Murphy, her girlfriend of more than a year.

Congratulations to Heather on the upcoming wedding and for being an out and proud young actress!