ALTADENA - "Mr. Bowman, don't you worry, we've never lost a child up here," a forest ranger told Eldon Bowman 50 years ago today, after his son Tommy vanished from an Arroyo Seco trail.

As he has done so often since that day, Bowman, who now lives in Simi Valley, scoured his memory this week and tried to come to terms with the long-delayed answer to what happened to his oldest son, now believed to have been a victim of serial murderer Mack Ray Edwards.

"He's always on my mind," he said. "I guess it will always be that way."

A half-century later, Bowman still second-guesses his actions at the time and speaks plainly of regrets.

Should he have searched in another direction? Not taken home the other children on the hike before resuming his search?

But the 85-year-old, who smiles and laughs with both lips and eyes, isn't bowed by shame.

Losing a child can have a corrosive effect on family bonds, but Bowman said blame was never an issue. Not long after Tommy disappeared, his wife Mary, who has since died, was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis.

Coping with that and parenting their surviving children, Bowman said, made for a lot of living yet to do. "If anything, it brought us closer together," he said. "She didn't blame me."

But they always held to the belief Tommy would come home. A letter received not long after Tommy's disappearance fueled his parents' hope.

Claiming that Tommy had been taken by elderly widower, the letter said he was living happily on a farm in eastern Oklahoma, Bowman said. He even had a pony.

Five years after Tommy disappeared, the Redondo Beach family arranged to relocate to Oklahoma, where they tried to chase down several false leads. They didn't return to Southern California until 1987.

Police investigators said this week they are following new leads that may help them find Tommy's body, as well as those of other children Edwards killed or has now fallen under the suspicion of killing.

Tommy's kin weren't the only affected by the loss.

Bob Shank considered Tommy his best friend and has mixed feelings about the belief his friend was killed by a "nobody loser."

Monday's story in this newspaper about Tommy's disappearance "gut-punched" Shank, who sat in the second grade with Tommy and lived on Helberta Avenue in Redondo Beach, not far from the Bowmans.

"When he came up lost, it was awful for me," said Shank, who still lives in Redondo Beach. "Whenever I'd do something cool, I would wish he was there to share it."

He said Tommy was an adventurous boy with a lot of personality, and said the story of him streaking ahead of his cousins down the trail in the Arroyo Seco when he disappeared wasn't out of character.

"That was pure Tommy, that was exactly what he'd do," he said. "I can see him do that ... racing them to the car and getting ahead of them - but apparently he was too far ahead."

Eldon Bowman just moved a few blocks from his former home into one owned by his adult son. His daughter is in from out of state to visit this weekend. He said it was unlikely they would talk about Tommy. todd.ruiz@sgvn.com (626) 578-6300, Ext. 4444 www.insidesocal.com/pasadenapolitics

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