Last week was the first vacation I’d taken in five years. Please, don’t ever let me go through that again! While it was fun sleeping in, catching up on every episode of “Entourage” and enjoying empty movie theaters during the day while the rest of the world is at work, I’m ready to start cranking out the football preview section. At least that’s what I had in mind before I arrived to my desk and found no internet connection. I called I.T. and they said they couldn’t do anything about it until next week. Awesome! Sounds like someone wants to slow me down, but it ain’t gonna work. After finally figuring out my password to log onto this blog I’m ready to make phone calls and feed you guys with football news. If there’s anything specific you want me to get at be sure to leave a comment and I’ll hunt down the news for yall.
This “welcome back” note isn’t exactly the red carpet rollout I had in mind, but it’ll do from Blog Mayor Goldenarm:
I know you said no way you were getting married on your vacation, but police reports pieced together from various desert communities indicate the following:
1. Apparently, you broke all “man laws” and went on a blind date.
2.Drank 1/2 gallon of Patron, ate two racks of oysters, took a 100mg little blue pill. Started feeling really good.
3.Hailed a yellow cab, demanded a ride to Stateline Nevada. Dropped to one knee, proposing marriage to the beautiful girl with a Marine’s jaw line, happy, oh so happy, when she smiled and in a husky, james earl jones kind of voice saying, saying Yes, Yes!
4.Called Robledo on your cell from the cab backseat, asking him for Webster’s definition of TRANS – VEST- TITE…and to stand up as your best man once you made it to Whiskey Pete’s
5.Cab blew a tire near the big thermometer at Baker and something snapped in your head. The driver stepped out to check the tire, and scrolled on the back of his jacket was “Mid-Valley News”…then it hit you, Hell Week is here! What am I doing? You ran from the vehicle like the old defensive back you claim to be…with Teresa the Tranny in hot pursuit..yelling desperately for her Latin lover – with only the lonely desert moon as witness.
6. Sometime near daybreak as you stumbled along some lost highway that intersects US 15, you were picked up by a busload of Amat alumni, returning from the annual conference on Delusional Fanatic Football Supporters.