Where is Foncho?
A commenter of this blog recently recommended Up in Smoke, a barbecue restaurant located near East and Baseline in an area that I affectionately refer to as Foncho. That prompted another reader to inquire where exactly are Foncho's borders.
The great thing about the "city" of Foncho is that it has no borders. If you're driving on Foothill or Base Line near the 15 Freeway and you wonder whether you're in Rancho or Fontana, then you're in Foncho. If you're slightly west or south of Foncho and you're not sure -- just to be safe -- you should say you're in Foncho Lomawanda.
I would imagine most people -- with the exception of beat reporters and cops -- don't care where city boundaries fall. Reporters tend to freak out over city boundaries. Here's an example of a typical phone conversation.
We really freak out when there's a traffic accident right on the border, say smack in the middle of the Base Line and East intersection. Who do we call?! Rancho cops? Fontana cops? Sheriff's? And if Foncho residents want to lobby for improved traffic signals, do they call the Rancho traffic engineer or Fontana's? Aghhh!
That is why, when the economy improves, I will ask the higher ups to hire a Foncho reporter. The first story can be a review of the restaurant Up in Smoke.
The great thing about the "city" of Foncho is that it has no borders. If you're driving on Foothill or Base Line near the 15 Freeway and you wonder whether you're in Rancho or Fontana, then you're in Foncho. If you're slightly west or south of Foncho and you're not sure -- just to be safe -- you should say you're in Foncho Lomawanda.
I would imagine most people -- with the exception of beat reporters and cops -- don't care where city boundaries fall. Reporters tend to freak out over city boundaries. Here's an example of a typical phone conversation.
Rancho reporter: Hello?
Caller: Hi, I have a story idea. I live in Fontan...
Reporter: Wait! Let me transfer you to the Fontana reporter.
We really freak out when there's a traffic accident right on the border, say smack in the middle of the Base Line and East intersection. Who do we call?! Rancho cops? Fontana cops? Sheriff's? And if Foncho residents want to lobby for improved traffic signals, do they call the Rancho traffic engineer or Fontana's? Aghhh!
That is why, when the economy improves, I will ask the higher ups to hire a Foncho reporter. The first story can be a review of the restaurant Up in Smoke.
Correction:
There are no "Rancho Cops"; regardless of what those whom occupy the Taj would have you believe.
The LE you see in Rancho are County Sheriffs.
So at least we can narrow the choice to calling the San Bernardino Sheriff or the Fontana PD. However, you would hope that a single call to 911 is all that would be required.
I can tell the difference between Rancho Cucamonga and Fontana in these areas...it's easy. The Rancho side of the border street (Etiwanda) has curbs and gutters, sidewalks, lighting, trees, flowers, trash cans, and bus stop structures, while the Fontana side has an asphalt curb, dirt, and weeds. There is a very clear distinction between the affluence level and planning abilities of both cities. Rancho Cucamonga plans to build many more city entry signs along it's borders. A sign with big gold letters that read RANCHO CUCAMONGA should tell you that your not in Kansas anymore. You are entering a wealthy city and the Sherrifs will let you know it. They rule the city and they rule it with an iron fist.
Me and some friends of mine refer to the non-Foncho areas as Fontucky. I know the city of Fontana wants to improve many areas but they have only recently annexed them.
RE: Matthew Said
"You are entering a wealthy city and the Sherrifs [sic] will let you know it. They rule the city and they rule it with an iron fist."
It is worth noting that the police ruled Germany with an iron fist starting in 1939, and continuing until the Allies' liberation in 1945.
And those people were well kept in line! I think the people commenting on this article totally missed the joke.
RE:"And those people were well kept in line! I think the people commenting on this article totally missed the joke."
Perhaps a visit to the Museum of Tolerance would help you rethink how well those people, and we want to be kept "in line."
Ask one of the survivors if they think that is a good idea.
The original joke is totally [sic] obvious and totally amusing; what is not so amusing is the ignorance of totally [sic] buying into the propoganda that RC has its own police department by an esteemed member of the Daily Bulletin staff.
Just painting something on a car doesn't change the fact the City still writes a check to the San Bernardino County Sheriff's Department each month for LE.
Straying from Foncho Cucalomawanda for a moment, what about the city's western territory past Albertsons and that old railroad bridge? It's still Rancho Cucamonga, but it feels like Upland. What do we call that?
Uplamonga? Cuckooland?
Be careful who you call Cuckooland, David. The Red Hill people will hunt you down. Or they'll sign a petition on whether to hunt you down and turn you in to the Rancho Cucamonga Police Department.
I prefer Moffettmunga...in honor of Jim who owns Redhill Cafe.