Good Morning

When my brother was pulled over once on Pacific Coast Highway years ago for speeding he told the cop he was in a hurry because he had to go to the bathroom. Needless to say that excuse didn't work.

I was pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt. My excuse: I just had breast implants and they hurting me. Excuse didn't work and I still got ticketed.

"Sorry for not stopping officer. My wife ran away with a cop and I thought you were trying to return her."

About 45 years ago I worked for the Herald Express delivering newspapers to markets and sidewalk news racks. One day I was delivering somebodys route, he was sick and I was covering it for him, there was a news rack on the left side of the street across from a school with no parking signs on the right side of the street. The oncoming traffic offered me an chance to cut across the street and park there, facing the oncoming traffic. When I got back to my car there was a police officer waiting by my car for me. He asked me "Why are you parking here?" I replied "There is no parking on the other side of the stree." At that moment a taxi went speeding past and the police officer chased after him.

About 45 years ago I worked for the Herald Express delivering newspapers to markets and sidewalk news racks. One day I was delivering somebodys route, he was sick and I was covering it for him, there was a news rack on the left side of the street across from a school with no parking signs on the right side of the street. The oncoming traffic offered me an chance to cut across the street and park there, facing the oncoming traffic. When I got back to my car there was a police officer waiting by my car for me. He asked me "Why are you parking here?" I replied "There is no parking on the other side of the stree." At that moment a taxi went speeding past and the police officer chased after him.

About 45 years ago I worked for the Herald Express delivering newspapers to markets and sidewalk news racks. One day I was delivering somebodys route, he was sick and I was covering it for him, there was a news rack on the left side of the street across from a school with no parking signs on the right side of the street. The oncoming traffic offered me an chance to cut across the street and park there, facing the oncoming traffic. When I got back to my car there was a police officer waiting by my car for me. He asked me "Why are you parking here?" I replied "There is no parking on the other side of the stree." At that moment a taxi went speeding past and the police officer chased after him.

I'm the mayor of a very large city and I'm on my way to my news reporter girlfriend's house with some wine and crackers.

It worked!

The only way you can get out of a ticket is if you are a hot chick.
Its been proven.

Many years ago as a teenager I was pulled over on the freeway for doing 70 in a 55 mph zone. He told me how fast I was going and I responded with "I couldn't be, my mirror falls off over 65mph" (my speedometer wasn't working. He told me to wait while he went to run me. When he returned he said I was wanted for murder. I gasped and turned pale, ready to cry. He said he was just kidding, apologized for scaring me and let me go with a warning. That night my dad said he received a ticket for speeding. He wasn't amused that I got out of the ticket and he didn't.

I was pulled over a few years back for allegedly failing to stop at a busy intersection's stop sign. I was very polite and asked the officer if he could issue me a warning instead. His response "I'm not paid to give warnings. I'm paid to write tickets." I asked him how fast I was driving and he said 7mph. Like an idiot after signing the ticket, I realized that he wrote 25mph. Nice! I told him that I'd see him in court. Well, it must have been my lucky day because he didn't show and I got my money back. Totally creepy and they're paid to protect us. Not!

One rainy morning I went though a stop sign near my house. I was surprised to be stopped I really did n't realize that I had went though.. When the officer came to my window I asked him, "What are you doing out in such a nasty day?" he started laughing and gave me a warning.

This happened about 25 years ago here in the Valley. I was riding with a friend of mine in his little orange Pinto when we got pulled over on the 405 by the CHP. I don't know if it makes any difference to the story or not, but my friend was this good ol' boy from Florida who was the same size and wore the same wardrobe as Larry the Cable Guy, so he looked a little funny driving that tiny little car. Anyway, when the cop asked why he had been driving so fast, my good-natured friend, who was always ready with a joke, says, "I'm sorry, officer. I just washed my car and I can't do a thing with it." At that, the cop locked his eyes on my friend's and said menacingly, "Wait right here. Don't you move." We watched in horror as he marched back to his patrol car and got on the radio. We sat there for a good five minutes, wondering what the heck was going on, before finally another CHP car drove up and stopped behind the first. Both officers strode up to my friend's window together. "Tell him what you just told me," ordered the first officer. So my friend repeated that he'd just washed his car and he couldn't do a thing with it. At that, both cops nearly doubled over with laughter and told us to just slow it down and get the he** out of there. True story.