Monthly Archives: January 2006

Globes: All is forgiven

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The Hollywood Foreign Press proved therere no hard feelings to Desperate Housewives,? even though the latter kicked the Globes hindquarters last year in the ratings (thus necessitating the Globes moving to Monday this year), and named it Best TV Comedy again.
S. Epatha Merkerson had her (lengthy) acceptance speech mostly etched in her memory (she lost it down her dress at the Emmys and had to improvise) when she was named Best Actress in a TV Film or Miniseries for Lackawanna Blues.? Best Actor in a TV Film or Miniseries went to Jonathan Rhys Meyers for playing Elvis? Elvis has an Irish accent?
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana continued Brokeback Mountains? march to Oscar glory in winning the Best Screenplay Globe. Presenter Harrison Ford couldnt be bothered to put his drink down to appear before the camera. (OK, another nice gown: co-presenter Virginia Madsens).
Inspired commercial to run during an awards ceremony: A promo for NBCs The Biggest Loser.?
Would they stop referring to this as the party of the year?? A, its not true, and B, even if it were true, all the tagline does is remind us that we werent invited and make us bitter and resentful and not want to watch anymore.

Globes: The Beat Goes On

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Reese Witherspoon began her march to an Oscar with her Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical Globe win for Walk the Line.?
Mary-Louise Parker blew past all the Desperate Housewives? to win the Globe for Best Actress in a TV Comedy for her role as a pot-dealing suburban mom, even though presenter Chris Rock noted that while Housewives? is viewed by all of America, Weeds is only watched by Snoop Doggy Dogg.?
Steve Carrell was named Best Actor in a TV Comedy for The Office.? He did a funny bit reading an acceptance speech he claimed was written by his wife, which thanked her copiously and pointed out a few of his flaws.
Oh, this is interesting not the Globes, where Empire Falls? won for Best TV Movie or Miniseries but this article in yesterdays New York Times about the LA Philharmonic and Esa-Pekka Salonen. Whodve thunk the NY Times would admit LA Phil is a world-class outfit?
Just a thought on a day that offers a former Vice President of the United States accusing the current President of breaking the law repeatedly and persistently? in addition to the Globes and Shaq/Kobe II (or IV, depending on how you count it), what do you think Los Angeles will be talking about tomorrow?
Have to say, not a big fan of the majority of the gowns tonight. Mary-Louise Parkers dress was understated in a way too many of the others arent. Michelle Williams, too.

Globes: Hey, the winners actually deserve it (more or less)

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Early winners include:

George Clooney was named Best Supporting Actor for Syriana:? He declared, I want to thank Jack Abramoff, just because.? (Abramoff just pled guilty to all sorts of corrupt behavior in Washington, which threatens to bring down a whole bunch of politicians, most of which share an ideology at odds with Clooneys own liberal sensibility.)
Rachel Weisz won the Best Supporting Actress trophy for The Constant Gardener.? As great as she was in the film, her makeup looked kind of odd and there was a bow the size of a Buick on the front of her dress and shell probably appear as part of tomorrows fashion donts.
Not only was Geena Davis named Commander in Chief,? she also received the Globe for Best Actress in a TV Drama and got a big laugh, besides. She told a heart-warming tale of feeling a tug at her skirt on the red carpet and seeing a young girl who told her she wanted to be President someday. After the appropriate pause, she added, Well, that didnt actually happen.?
Hugh Laurie bested a group of ladykillers to be named Best Actor/Drama for House.? Noting he made a list of winners that extended to 172 names, he said he had put three on individual slips of paper and would thanks those whose names were on the three he drew at random: The rest can just lump it.?
Best Supporting Actor in a TV movie/series/miniseries was, predictably, Paul Newman for Empire Falls.? Predictably, he was a no-show.
Greys Anatomys? Sandra Oh gave the requisite gushy speech when she was named Best Supporting Actress in a TV movie/series/miniseries. She seemed to get lost on her way to the stage, weaving back and forth between the star-studded tables, then announced, I feel like someone set me on fire.? She thanked her support staff with a heartfelt, Oh, God, I dont remember any of your names.?

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Globes: Oh, God, make it stop

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NBCs telecast of the 63rd annual Golden Globes began with what they considered highlights? of their red-carpet interviews. If these were their best moments, just imagine how jaw-droppingly insipid the other conversations must’ve been:
Mariah Carey, on her past year: Its been amazing. Its been a blessing.?
Asked his favorite role, Anthony Hopkins answered, Thereve been so many; I dont know.?
Johnny Depp on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:? We had a wonderful time making that film.?
The opening song, a Weird-Al Yankovic-style, Globes-themed version of Pussycat Dolls Dont Cha?? was so determinedly unhip, youd swear they cut away from the Globes to an AARP rally.
Queen Latifah opened the ceremony dedicating it to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.s legacy. Because, you know, he was always really concerned with who won the Globes.
The good news about the Globes is that theres no host. The bad thing is theres no host to make fun of.

Oscars: One week only!

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Do any of films that do a one-week limited-engagement, Oscar-qualifying run in December, then disappear only to return at a later date (The World’s Fastest Indian and Hookwinked were a couple that did it this year), ever actually get any Oscar nominations? I’m guessing not, but if someone can think of an example where this strategy actually worked, I’d be interested. Otherwise, it seems really stupid. It’s a drain on a film’s marketing campaign — either you spend a lot of money just for one week’s business, or you spend just a little and the film plays to empty houses while moviegoers to the heavily hyped holiday films. Then, you have to start all over when the film returns, and you’re not helped as much by the local media because a lot of outlets have already run their reviews. Forget Oscars — do any of these films ever actually turn a profit?

Patrow’s Dad Nixed Script

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Gwyneth Paltrow still misses her father, who died three years ago. LA.COMfidential reports that last night, the pregnant actress mentioned him numerous times during a Q&A following a SAG screening of Proof in Beverly Hills’ Fine Arts Theatre. The film is about a young woman dealing with the death of her father, with whom she had a particular bond. Paltrow said that she herself was in grief over her own dad, Bruce Paltrow, during the making of the film, and she described her portrayal of Catherine, “I was very grave, dark, and utterly heartbreaking.” She adds, “I think I lost my sense of humor.” But then she told a funny story: When she was getting into the biz, around age 19, she considered a role in a Vanilla Ice film. She asked her father for advice on whether or not she should do the film, and he asked to see the screenplay. “There’s this part in the script where [Vanilla Ice] asks for my phone number,” she explained. “And I say, ‘555-6969′”—with emphasis on the 6-9—”and my father says, ‘Over my dead body.'”

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How Gwyneth has matured: now she does nude scenes.

Off topic (slightly): A Million Little Pieces of Excrement

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I’m going to pretend that getting named to Oprah’s Book Club is an award unto itself and offer some thoughts on James Frey’s “A Million Little Pieces.” Frey, as you probably know, has come under fire from thesmokinggun.com for essentially making up his memoir of life as an abject addict (the publisher has since agreed to refund money to those who bought the book and feel ripped off).
Which I don’t get — if you know just a little about his book, you know sundry storylines are dubious — for example, it begins with Frey, waaaay messed up, on a plane he didn’t even knew he boarded. Most airline policies, for many years, are to not allow such inebriated passengers to board — they’ll come up with any excuse, and Frey’s description of himself — bloodied, etc. — would seem to fall into such parameters. Also: While most people may not expect lurid bios of this sort to be utter nonsense (but think about it — if these people are this messed up, how can they lucidly recall their ignoble pasts?) — I personally, actually, appear in one: I play David, the Dallas Times Herald Music Critic, in Elizabeth Wurtzel’s bestseller “Prozac Nation,” and nothing in the three or so pages in which I’m mentioned actually happened. (I come offf looking pretty good, relatively speaking, in the book, in case you’re wondering, though my dialogue feels very stilted; I may be the only character in the book Wurtzel didn’t sleep with — I’ll leave it to you to guage my dismay in this arena.)
Continue reading “Off topic (slightly): A Million Little Pieces of Excrement” »

Superman’s Super Smile

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There seemed to be more mextrosexual actors than actresses scooping up freebies at the Platinum Guild International Jewelry Preview at the Luxe Hotel in Bev Hills this afternoon. LA.COMfidential reports that Rex Lee, who plays Jeremy Piven’s witty assistant on Entourage? (left), was sprawled on a bed, enjoying an organic Jurlique facial. Ashton Holmes, who plays Viggo Mortensen’s son in “A History of Violence,” had a one hand dipped in a frothy bowl of warm milk—part of The Paint Shop‘s chai latte manicure. “Superman Returns” star Brandon Routh (right) was perfecting his smile with a Zoom II teeth whitening treatment, made famous by Dr. Sherri Worth on The Swan.? (Well see if his choppers look brighter this Monday when he presents an award at the Golden Globes. We know the rest of him will sparkle; he snagged a $42,000 platinum watch and an $8,000 ring to wear on the red carpet.) Routh’s girlfriend, indie actress Courtney Ford, also opened wide for a treatment. She divulged that she met her super guy at Lucky Strike, where Routh was working as a bartender!

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People’s Choice: Masterson no master as a DJ

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We expected last night’s People’s Choice Awards after-party at the Shrine Auditorium to be bumping with celebs, especially since Danny Masterson (AKA DJ Donkeypizzle) was spinning. But the event was more like a craft services tent for famished industry peeps to eat while the celebs worked the red carpet. Jessica Simpson popped in and out and Natasha Henstridge swooped in for caviar and chips. “A History of Violence” heartthrob Ashton Holmes, who looked adorable in a pair of beat-up chucks, stuck around for a little longer, as did E!’s host of “The Soup,” Joel McHale, who couldn’t walk two steps without being told he’s the funniest man on TV. DJ Donkeypizzle didn’t fair as well. Despite his awesome mix of ’80s tunes by the Smiths and Joy Division, the dance floor was the most vacant area in the house, reminding us of the cringetastic party scene in “13 Going on 30.” It’s too bad Jennifer Garner, who won an award last night for Favorite Female Action Star, wasn’t there to request Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

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Ashton and Joel were two of the many people not on the dance floor. For more pix, click here.

Oscars: A gauntlet is thrown

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Today in the Daily News, we try to deflate awards’ season’s overly bulging balloon a smidgen with an argument that today’s best TV is better than the movies that we’re spending so much time celebrating on this blog.

Check out the story, linked below, then feel free to agree or disagree — as vociferously as you like. Call us — OK, me — any name that won’t get you censored. And we’ll respond. i-275e0b13cf70b71f59ec2fad30db9de2-kronketv.jpg
Blogs are about dialogue, and that’s what we want to start here, and if the give-and-take can be funny and insightful at the same time, all the better. (If you/we can only be funny, so be it; if it can only be insightful, the world may end.)

Daily News

Full disclosure: I used to be a movie critic — a real movie snob, to be honest — before reviewing TV for the Daily News (in fact, the Daily News was one of the local outlets for which I reviewed films; I’ve since withdrawn my membership from the LA Film Critics Association). Which either solidifies my position as a TV champion or makes me an abject turncoat. Which is your call.