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January 31, 2006

Oscars: I'm thrilled, I'm proud, I'm honored, I'm tedious

Check out the gushy, uninteresting statements issued today by the nominees (posted elsewhere on this site) and your eyes will soon glaze over. A mere couple of examples:
"I am so thrilled to be nominated for something I loved working on every single day. I'm in such good company." - Judi Dench, best actress contender for "Mrs. Henderson Presents."
"Being nominated for an Oscar - and in such sterling company - is an honor, and I'm so proud to have been a part of Ang Lee's 'Brokeback Mountain' team." - Rodrigo Prieto, nominated for best cinematography for "Brokeback Mountain."
And so on.
These are creative people -- can't they say something vaguely creative?
Props to Terrence Howard for breaking out of the rut. Nominated for Best Actor for "Hustle & Flow," which also received a Best Song nomination for a number he absolutely nailed in the movie, he joked, "I wonder if that means I have to get up there and sing 'It's Hard Out Here for a Pimp'?"
Access the quotes, only if you've had sufficient caffeine:

Nominee effluvium

Oscars: Too lazy to listen

Herewith, the Academy Award nominees for Original Song: "In the Deep" from "Crash;" "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp" from "Hustle & Flow;" "Travelin' Thru" from "Transamerica."
That's it? In a category that traditionally hosts five nominees, members of the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences (simply calling it the Academy makes it sound like we're on more familiar terms, which we're not) could only find three songs they liked? Out of hundreds of movies?
Well, that's just lazy. I'm not going to list any songs I think should've been nominated (though really -- nothing from "Corpse Bride" or "Sarah Silverman: Jesus is Magic?") -- I'm going to ask you to do it for me. What songs do you think should've filled out those final two spots in the Best Song category?
(I must confess, though, I'm mightily looking forward to the performance of "It's Hard out Here for a Pimp" at the ceremony; I think it deserves to win -- it really lifted that movie in an infectious manner. Plus I like the idea of a song praising a pimp receiving such a revered award.)

Oscars: Spielberg's Rope-a-Dope?

In the Rumble in the Jungle in Zaire, Muhammad Ali withstood round after round of Joe Frazier's punches, leaning against the ropes, until Frazier was exhausted and Ali was still fairly fresh (if a bit sore) and Ali pummeled Frazier to the mat. The strategy was thereafter deemed the rope-a-dope.
Could Steven Spielberg have been doing the same thing in marketing "Munich?" He was extraordinarily quiet when the film came out, giving just enough interviews so that people would be somewhat aware that the movie was out.
spielberg2.jpg
There was no response to the sundry political sniping at the film.
Now, "Munich" wheezes across the Oscar nominee line. And Spielberg's fresh; now he can talk about this movie, which seems more relevant with every passing day. On the other hand, everyone's heard as much will-"Brokeback Mountain"-be-accepted? as they can stand. Can "Munich," by dint of being the biggest Best Film nominee with an outside chance of winning that people have likely heard the least about, finish with a flourish and snatch the Oscar from Ennis and Jack?

January 30, 2006

Wendy Wasserstein, 1950-2006

Tony- and Pulitzer Prize-winning playwright Wendy Wasserstein died today in New York after a long illness. She was 55. Best known for wry comedies such as "The Heidi Chronicles," her plays often concerned women who, as contemporary and fiercely independent as they may have been, still found themselves defined in old-fashioned ways by society. But she wasn't a polemicist: "I want my plays to be open and interesting to as many people as possible," she wrote in 1995. "I wouldn't want an audience of only upper-class Jewish women to come to The Sisters Rosensweig. I wouldn't want an audience of only feminists for The Heidi Chronicles. I wouldn't want an audience of all Wendy Wassersteins for any of my plays. That would be terrible!"
Off topic a bit, but worth noting.

(off topic, but exponentially more important): Bob Woodruff

Bob Woodruff, who assumed the co-anchor duties of ABC’s “World News Tonight� earlier this month (with Elizabeth Vargas), was seriously injured Sunday in Iraq while following a unit of the Iraqi army expected to replace American forces at some point in the war in Iraq. A mere eight days earlier, Woodruff was in Pasadena, talking up ABC News’ new approach to newsgathering and its two-anchor strategy. He was both witty and wise; herewith, some of his thoughts on TV news circa 2006:

On his new role as co-anchor/reporter: “Peter (Jennings) said to me when he was alive, ‘You know, this is a difficult job because I’m not able to get out and report the stories in the field the way that I love to do them – and be careful for what you wish for, to some degree, because it may not be able to happen. Now, not only because of technology but because of having another anchor that can be back in New York at the seat at the time, I think you’re going tot see a lot more of this, and I think you’re going to see probably more people following suit. I think the viewers demand it in many ways.�

On the hierarchy of being a news anchor: “I don’t understand the value of being on a pedestal. . . . This is a different world just in terms of pure numbers. . . . We completely understand that (Walter Cronkite’s world is not) what we live in right now (where one man can direct a nation’s political sensibility). . . . To try to attain a pedestal . . . would be a disservice to the viewer.�

On Jennings: “Sometimes you didn’t get the sense that he was mentoring you. It was more of an endurance. . . . I’d much rather follow in his footsteps no matter how big they are and how much pressure that creates than anybody else, and I think that’s the way all of us feel about it.�

On ABC News’ afternoon podcast: “Those of us who still feel very strongly about serious news and informing our children, especially, this is a great new opportunity for us on so many fronts. It’s really good for the reporters in the field, too, to know that when they do all this work and sometimes risk their lives to do it, there’s a place that an audience can find it."

On deciding upon who – Woodruff or comely co-anchor Vargas – gets to cover a story: “It’s a mud-wrestling match.�

Obviously, he was joking then, and just as obviously, we wish things were just so that his joke would remain just as funny today. That not being the case, we wish the best for Woodruff, his cameraman Don Vogt (who was also injured) and every soldier serving America’s cause in Iraq until the conflict can be resolved.

January 29, 2006

SAG: And that's a wrap

Another shocker (imagine the word "shocker" in a really sarcastic typeface): Philip Seymour Hoffman is named Best Actor for "Capote." Oscar nominations won't even be announced until Tuesday, and already they're old news.
"The only way to act well, is to know that other actors have your back," says Hoffman, as good a way of acknowledging one's (presumably trophy-less) co-stars with disingenuous humility as I've heard in a while.
The evening's final presenter, Morgan Freeman, is kind of over-selling the importance of all this, but that's just the kind of voice he has.
"Crash's" cast wins the Ensemble "Actor," SAG's equivalent of the Best Film Oscar. Well, the film certainly had the most cast members of the nominees. Terrence Howard turns the thank-you over to Don Cheedle leaning on a cane, who, referring to his limp, warns America, "Pay your gambling debts. You don't want this happening here."
Holy cow! An awards show without a trophy for "Brokeback Mountain?" I demand a recount!
Here's guessing "Crash" beat "Brokeback" mainly because the former has a much bigger cast than the latter, and SAG is trying, as I earlier recommended, to give everyone in SAG a SAG Award, so this was just more efficient. But "Crash" emerges as the only remotely significant competition to "Brokeback" once the Oscars are announced. Nonetheless, still no reason to watch the Oscars at this point.

SAG: Nearing the end now

Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal were laughing as they came onstage to introduce their film "Brokeback Mountain" and laughed all they way through as they read the description. I'm not going to theorize what happened backstage that gave them their cases of the giggles.
Yet again: Reese Witherspoon is named Best Actress for "Walk the Line." Honestly, is there any point in watching the Oscars at this point? "I can't shake the feeling that I'm just a little girl from Tennessee," she says, less convincingly than she was in "Walk the Line." Not a bad tribute to June Carter Cash, though, talking about how she labored, undeservingly, in Johnny's shadow. But then, thanking her co-star Joaquin Phoenix, she said, "Without your John, there's no June." Wait -- but you just said ...

SAG: Old news categories

Not much drama in these categories, since the winners have been honored for these roles since last September.
S. Epatha Merkerson won her third Best Actress in a TV Movie/Miniseries trophy (following the Emmy and the Golden Globe) for “Lackawanna Blues.� “I have to say a public thank-you to my divorce lawyer,� she declared, laughing so maniacally that, without knowing anything about him, you kind of felt sorry for her ex.
Paul Newman – another trophy, another no-show. He won Best Actor in a TV Movie/Miniseries for “Empire Falls� (following, like Merkerson, Emmy/Globe wins, though his Emmy triumph was in the Supporting Actor category). He clearly knew what he was doing when he bought the rights to Richard Russo’s book.

Interest SAGs...

How come they give Supporting Actor “Actors� for films but not for TV? How come they give out “Actors� for comedy and drama for TV but not for movies? Why ape, sort of, the formats of other trophy shows? Why not strike out boldly on their own? Don’t they want to hand out as many of these things as possible, like at the Emmys, where there’s about a couple dozen acting categories? These people shouldn’t rest until everyone in SAG has a SAG award.
Paul Giamatti was named Best Supporting Actor for “Cinderella Man,� which seems a makegood for snubbing him last year for “Sideways.� Giamatti insightfully reflects, “Being an actor is a hell of a thing. A hell of a thing. It’s up and down; it’s great.� He then thanks everyone with whom he ever ate a donut. Honest. People are running out of people to thank, it seems.
And now, the requisite montage of dead people. Do they do that at the Pulitzers? The Nobel Peace Prizes? Just wondering.

SAG: The bit where you can best take a bathroom break

SAG President Alan Rosenberg is giving the usual blah-blah-blah about the significance of all this folderol, concluding with a nod to the “men and women in uniform who are enjoying this broadcast in bases throughout the world.� If “enjoying� is the right word.
Now, Dakota Fanning is presenting the Lifetime Achievement award to Shirley Temple Black. Fanning, of course, is the new Temple, but she’s so eerily poised – she’s reading the teleprompter far better than anyone else has to this point – that she absolutely must be a robot.
News flash: Jamie Lee Curtis tripped on her way down the stairs to continue the Temple Black tribute. Dakota Fanning would never stumble like that.
Temple Black takes the stage to the most lugubrious rendition of "Good Ship Lollypop" you'd ever want to hear. That explains the standing-O: The actors want to drown that buzzkill out.

SAG Award blog entry without a lame "SAG" pun

"Desperate Housewives"' Felicity Huffman won the SAG for Best Actress/Comedy; she also won the Emmy for same last September. (Mary Louise-Parker won the Globe in the same category, competing against four "Housewives" nominees; Huffman was the only housewife nominated here, thereby not dividing voters.) She said she's happy she's an actor because "I was never very good at math." Last I checked, there are a lot of jobs out there that don't require math skills, but maybe they've all been outsourced overseas.
Huh? Sean Hayes won his third Best Actor/Comedy for "Will & Grace," which is quite reasonably calling it quits after this season. (Jason Lee, who probably should've won, was a no-show because he has chickenpox.) "I would like to thank Ang Lee for taking a chance on me," Hayes says of "Brokeback Mountain's" director. "Everyone in Hollywood knows it's such a risk to play a gay character."
Ensemble/Comedy Series goes, for the second time, to "Desperate Housewives." The ensemble trophy is kind of like SAG's Best Series award. You know, these acceptance speeches are kind of no more than mutual admiration societies -- The award is saying, "Thank you for such sterling acting," and the acceptance speech is, "No, thank YOU for honoring such sterling acting," ad nauseum.

Spirits SAGging: So where's the kitsch?

This is a kind of tasteful ceremony, which makes it kind of a drag to watch. The opening was a smidgen self-serving, but hardly over the top in the aggrandizement area.
For that, we need to go to the commercials: There's one for a pay-per-view wrassling show, "The Royal Rumble." Apparently, connoisseurs of the Thespian arts are big wrestling fans or the spot was egregiously placed.
Uh-oh, spoke to soon: William Shatner introduced a kind of half-hearted tribute to actors in TV commercials. The commercial performers are actually discussing their acting "choices." "I feel lucky," the actress concluding the bit says. And so do we, for experiencing that stirring time waster.

Continuing to SAG: "Lost" without a bigger teleprompter

Pulse-pounding update: Presenters Peter Graves and Barbara Bains can’t read the teleprompter. But they rallied and presented the cast of “Lost� with “The Actor� for Best Ensemble/Drama. Terry O’Quinn called his co-stars “paranoid . . . grasping . . . losers and shmoozers.� But apparently they will have to divvy up a single trophy amongst themselves. Anyone got a buzzsaw to help them?
Rachel Weisz of “The Constant Gardener� becomes the Oscar front-runner with her second big Best Supporting Actress win – she also won the Golden Globe. Someone must’ve pointed her to my blog entry complaining about how she appeared that night because she looks exponentially better tonight. Thanks for caring, Rachel.

SAG Awards: More trophies to distribute

The Screen Actors Guild Awards ceremony opened with a group of random actors – whose names must’ve on balls pulled out of a Lotto machine (Randy Quaid, Anne Hathaway, James Denton) – telling their little stories of aspiration, followed by success, making it all seem so easy. They each end their spiel with “My name is . . . and I’m an actor.� Which’d be more impressive if they had really interesting tales and be saying “I’m a fireman� or “I’m a teacher.�
Winner are announced with the declaration, ‘‘The Actor goes to …’’ Which sounds like something a sleazy producer with a casting couch and equally seedy friends would say.
Sandra Oh won Best Actress/Drama, after winning a Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actress. She’s still overly excited, thanking, among others, her stand-in; you’d think she’d get used to this sort of thing.
Kiefer Sutherland won his second SAG Award for Best Actor/Drama for “24.� He showed much restraint, refraining from shooting anyone in the thigh or stabbing anyone in the eye with some scissors.

January 26, 2006

Oscars: Predicting the Future for Dummies

Hmm, seems like only yesterday I was hearing from the so-called Oscar experts -- rather insistently, as if a finger were being poked into my chest -- that "Munich" and "Memoirs of a Geisha" were going to be the movies to beat in the Oscar race. Though both could still nab a nomination or two, they have receded far from the heated race, while the pundits, Nancy Grace-style, blithely ignore their errors and continue to blather away, their credibility unsmudged in their minds, about who's gonna win NOW. And while I would bar no blogger from as much self-gratification as s/he can muster, it might be nice if they could write the occasional essay explaining why anyone should care about such pie-in-the-sky mooning. Analyzing and putting a social context on actual results is one thing (though I'd accept your argument that not everyone on the planet need be doing it), but just making it up as you go along just to hear your fingers clack on your keyboard is another altogether.

January 25, 2006

Confessions of a Red Carpet Escort

A few years ago, an alarming number of celebs starting "wearing Mom to the Oscars." A sweet thought, but LA.COMfidential says the trend made the extravaganzas look about as glamorous as a Sunday brunch. Perhaps the reason for the family affair is that stars are incapable of finding bathrooms on their own, or introducing themselves to other celebs. Mommy did little things like that (publicists being too busy keeping press at bay). Well, where there's need there's opportunity: enter the celebrity escort. It's not what you think it is, says Movieline's Hollywood Life magazine.

...a celebrity escort is not, in fact, a hooker, but one of the best-kept secrets in Hollywood—the person assigned by the production to shadow a predetermined star at all times, from the red carpet to the after-party, and get them where they need to go.

Celeb escort Christopher Laslo, who has herded the likes of Carmen Electra, Rosie and Pamela Anderson to events, says the pay is low but there are unexpected perks—like the time a '70s male pop star offered some extreme relief after a grueling night on the red carpet.

wave.jpg

Stars can wave on their own, but they need help with everything else

Oscars: I'd like to thank...

Write that pretend acceptance speech and have the camera handy. Starting Feb. 10, this year's Oscar statuettes -- minus the winners' names, of course -- will be on display for three weeks in a free exhibition, "Meet the Oscars: The 50 Golden Statuettes." Visitors at the Hollywood & Highland display will be allowed to hold a real Oscar. Then they can go down to a tourist trap shop on the boulevard and see just how cheesy those knockoffs are.

SAG Awards: It's in the bag

The celeb goody bag at this weekend's Screen Actors Guild Awards includes, of all overblown items, a Swarovski-crystal embellished electronic Sudoku game from Techno Source. Make your own bargain version: Get a bag of paste jewels from a craft store, paste them around the frame of your monitor, and play the Daily News Sudoku game for free online.

TV Critics' Press Tour: Move along; nothing to see here

A mere two days have passed since the conclusion of the TV Critics Association's winter press tour in Pasadena and already two much bigger TV stories have broken than any that occurred during the tour itself: Paula Kerger being named as president of the Public Broadcasting System and, of course, UPN and The WB merging into a new network, The CW. (NBC also announced "The Book of Daniel" had been canceled, but that hardly qualified as a surprise.) Only an idiot would believe these announcements weren’t ready to be made during the press tour itself, and only an idiot would not be able to figure out why they weren’t made before the collected group of journalists who are TV specialists. Why break these things to journalists who would know what questions to ask of the executives involved when you can do so later and get what essentially amounts to a free pass in subsequent reportage?

In the case of revealing the creation of The CW, journalists were alerted via Email Tuesday of a “significant announcement� a mere three hours before the press conference. (Said Email was sent at 5 a.m. Pacific time, with the press conference occurring at 8 a.m.) After the announcement, the resulting press conference, despite the wide-ranging repercussions of the merger, probably didn't last but 20 minutes.
TV press tour has always been a hodgepodge of bald promotion and glib, nearly useless, gibberish-cluttered press conferences. I lost count this year of how many actors called the mere opportunity to work (i.e., draw a paycheck) on a "quality" show (regardless of what they were actually appearing on) “a blessing� and "a joy" and declared that their current project was the most fun/rewarding/significant work they’d ever done. Which is not news, and which makes the fact that there are some 200 journalists on hand to record such drivel so galling. One network has even admitted it coaches panelists in advance to refrain from being provocative or even interesting during those press conferences.
Which makes me wonder: How much longer will newspapers from around the country pay thousands of dollars in travel expenses simply so their correspondents can report that Ed Cavanagh, star of CBS’s “Love Monkey� (a show that was probably already on life-support when the press conference began), gushed of his former “Ed� co-star Julie Bowen, “She’s a fabulous person?� If it's roundly understood that nothing of substance comes of press tour, how long can it reasonably endure?
And what will be announced today? That NBC is shutting down?

January 24, 2006

"Bubble" bursts film distribution notions

Oscar-winning director Steven Soderbergh will challenge traditional assumptions of film distribution when his latest film, "Bubble," a murder mystery set in a toy factory, opens in theaters, goes on sale on DVD and premieres on HDNet on Friday. This is the first of six films Soderbergh is making for Mark Cuban's 2929 Entertainment. Cuban, who was a producer on a couple of 2005's most interesting films, George Clooney's "Good Night, and Good Luck." and the documentary "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room" (and, of course, is the Dallas Mavericks' maverick owner), recently told me that the film only needs to make $500,000 theatrically and sell 50,000 DVDs to break even, which, given Soderbergh's status as an auteur, seems easy enough to accomplish.
All well and good, but the big question is: Who should review "Bubble?" Film critics, DVD critics or TV critics? I say: Have all three do it. TV critics could say, "It demands to be seen on the big screen;" movie critics could write, "Wait for video;" and DVD critics could conclude, "Just catch it on cable."

January 23, 2006

Steve Carell: Award-winning plagiarist

Steve Carell won the Golden Globe last week for his role on "The Office," and gave a funny speech he said had been written by his wife, which scolded him for sundry selfish behaviors. Carell's also up for a Writers Guild Award for his screenplay (with Judd Apatow) for "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." So, who's writing that acceptance speech for him?
"I found that online," Carell joked during a Television Critics Association winter press tour event.
"I didn't think I'd win, honestly," he continued. "So I wrote it just so I'd have a piece of paper with names on it and so I wouldn't forget anybody. I ran it by my wife the night before and she gave it a thumbs-up. I thought she played it great. When the camera kept cutting back to her, it was perfect."
"The Office" is also up for Writers Guild trophies, as is "My Name is Earl," which won a People's Choice Award but came up short at the Globes. "Earl" star Jason Lee was a no-show at press tour -- he's been diagnosed with chickenpox. But "Earl" creator Greg Garcia notes, "We think it's chickenpox. I saw him shake Charlie Sheen's hand at the Golden Globes, and the next morning he woke up with bumps all over him, so it could be anything."

January 20, 2006

Off topic (again): A Million Little Examples of Inaccuracy

People have been attacking James Frey – whom Oprah’s Book Club (which, remember, for our purposes here, is an award unto itself) made a gazillioinaire – for making up his alleged memoir, “A Million Little Pieces,� as he went along. But, being the crack investigative reporter that I am, I’ve been scouring the New York Times non-fiction best-seller lists, and have discovered a number of books that have played fast and loose with the facts. And I’m, as they said in “Casablanca,� shocked, I tell you, shocked. (Full disclosure: That’s a grievously inaccurate replication of that line.) Herewith, ostensibly nonfiction books that get it all wrong:
"Are Men Necessary?", by Maureen Dowd: She doesn't define her terms: Is it "necessary (adj.): that cannot be dispensed with; essential; indispensable" or "necessary (Dial.): a privy or toilet"?

“The Year of Magical Thinking,� by Joan Didion: Her thinking really isn’t all that magical.
“Marley & Me,� by John Grogan: Marley wasn’t a lovably rebellious dog. He was a lazy gerbil who wouldn’t come out of his wheel.
“The Truth (With Jokes),� by Al Franken: There are no jokes in the book.
“The World is Flat,� by Thomas Friedman: Actually, it’s round.
“Tuesdays with Morrie,� by Mitch Albom: On some weeks, Mitch visited him on Thursdays because the Pistons had a home game.
"Our Endangered Values," by Jimmy Carter. Values? What values?
“The Tipping Point,� by Malcolm Gladwell: Things don’t change because of a decisive, fateful moment in the Zeitgeist, mainly because things don’t change, period.
“Magical Thinking,� by Augusten Burroughs: See Joan Didion, above. If they both cook up the same essential title, how magical can their thinking be?
“Chronicles: Volume I,� by Bob Dylan: Turns out he’s not really a singer. Or a harmonica player.
“Nickel and Dimed,� by Barbara Ehrenreich: Rather than living paycheck-to-paycheck on minimum wage, she spent her evenings partying with Tyco CEO Dennis Kozlowski.
“Me Talk Pretty One Day,� by David Sedaris: He actually never learned to talk pretty. However, his book “Naked� is pretty accurate.
“How to Talk to a Liberal (If You Must),� by Ann Coulter: If you’re an Ann-Coulter-style conservative, you don’t have to. In fact, it’s recommended that you don’t. In fact, is “talking� really one of your skills?
“My Friend Leonard,� by James Frey: James Frey no longer has any friends. Nor should he.

Feel free to add more of your own.

Oscars: Third consecutive posting with a "can't quit you" reference

On Tuesday and Wednesday, according to estimations by boxofficemojo.com, "Brokeback Mountain" was the No. 1 film in America, despite the fact that it was playing in fewer than a third as many theaters as the No. 2 film, which had just opened last weekend. It's already earned twice its budget here in the States, something "King Kong" can't claim (though, yes, "Kong's" made scads more money). At any rate, can we all finally put to rest the notion that American filmgoers are too limited by ideology to embrace a good movie and focus on something that's really important, such as whether Harrison Ford has found his way home yet after the Golden Globes and if Angelina Jolie has outsourced her womb to Cambodia?

January 19, 2006

Oscar, I wish I knew how to quit you

Alonso Duralde recently joked to me that this year will offer the spectacle of the gayest Oscar race in history, and he should know – he’s the author of the new book ``101 Must-See Movies for Gay Men’’ (Advocate Books, $14.95). Though I’ve known Alonso for almost two decades (a fact dropped to make both of us feel old), as a straight guy, I’m not allowed to use puns like oscar.jpg “Oscar, is that a sword in your hands, or are you just GLAAD to see me?� So I’ll just let Alonso talk us through this year’s Oscar race.

Alonso and I worked together in Dallas in the 1980s, where he came out to a group of newspaper entertainment writers: Imagine a 20-something admitting he’s gay – in Texas, in the ’80s, in his first major newspaper job – and you’ll get an idea of Alonso’s brass. His book offers funny essays on films ranging from obvious choices to quirky entries, such as the Liz-Taylor-and-Richard-Burton bomb "Boom!" to "Fight Club" to "Jackass: The Movie." Today, when he’s not busy counting his book royalties, he’s the arts and entertainment editor of The Advocate. Herewith, his insights:

Q: You've called this the gayest Oscar race in history, and even neophytes are beginning to realize that, but could you just point out some of the more engaging points of your argument?

A: Admittedly, I'm being somewhat facetious when I say it, but when "Brokeback Mountain" is the movie dominating the general awards season conversation -- and then, on top of that, you have Philip Seymour and Felicity doing the Hoffman-Huffman one-two in the acting categories, playing, respectively, one of America's most legendary gay authors and a transgender woman -- then it's all about what bloggers like to refer to as "The Ghey." The Golden Globes even threw in Cillian Murphy's trans performance in Neil Jordan's underseen "Breakfast on Pluto" for good measure.

Q: In your estimation, how can “Brokeback Mountain� NOT win the Best Picture Oscar at this point? Is there something you liked better?

A: There's always the possibility that "Brokeback" seemed like such a done deal early on that Academy voters might assume it's a shoo-in and vote for something else. But certainly, from where we're standing right now, it's the movie to beat. "Brokeback" was my favorite movie of 2005, but it's got two very close runners-up: "Capote" and Gregg Araki's powerful, heartbreaking "Mysterious Skin."

Q: The Globes this year were far more political than before -- films like “Syriana,� “Good Night, and Good Luck.� and “Munich� all pointed to issues that seem to me to be of far more urgency to Americans. Yet “Brokeback Mountain,� which in its artistry assiduously seemed to avoid political commentary, seemed to inspire more op-ed pieces than those other films that were gunning for them. What's your take? Was the idea of gay rights simply more palatable than anti-Bush-administration propaganda (the anti-gay thing having pretty much disappeared after he got re-elected)?

A: I think there are two kinds of political movies -- you've got your "Fahrenheit 9/11"s and your "Syriana"s that wear their politics on their sleeves, and then you've got your "Passion of the Christ"s and your "Brokeback Mountain"s that, due to their very subject matter, just wind up pushing people's buttons. In the case of "Brokeback," I think many people have had to face, for the first time, the idea that being gay is about love as much as it's about sex, and that's something that the demonizing evangelical Christian Right would just as soon you not think about. People have also had to grapple with the whole "gay cowboy" paradigm -- If I love Westerns, will my Real Man status be compromised be seeing this film? Is America ready for representations of gays that goes beyond the minstrelsy of "Will & Grace"? Is Hollywood cramming its lefty perversions down the nation's throat? These questions, and more, have piqued a lot of pundits' imaginations.

Q: What was your take on all the will-“BBM�-play-to-the-heartland stories? And is there a reason, beyond the artful storytelling, that audiences country-wide are embracing the film?

A: There has been a thriving queer independent cinema movement for at least 15 years in this country, but since most of those films don't get theatrical play outside of major urban centers that have thriving gay populations, no one ever asked if those movies would sell "tix to hix in the stix," as Variety might have once put it. And I don't think anyone worried that the cartoonish antics of "The Birdcage" or "In & Out" wouldn't play in red-state America either. But in "Brokeback," you have almost a perfect storm -- acclaimed director, hot actors (with firmly-established hetero credentials), and Larry by-god McMurtry, even. So since there was a chance that "Brokeback" *could* do well around the country, that opened the whole discussion. In the final analysis, people are going to see "Brokeback" for the reasons they went out to see "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" or any other movie that defied demographic expectations -- it's a good movie, and people are telling other people to go see it.

Q: The New York Times recently ran a story that suggested that the film was meeting with resistance in some portions of the country, that it was still controversial, though most evidence seems to suggest that mainstream audiences are OK with it. Who do you believe? And if it's not the NYT, why do you think the paper insisted on positing the film as still controversial?

A: I think sometimes the media can be late in getting the memo about what people in general really think. Commentators like to think they shape public opinion -- and, occasionally, they do -- but I think that for the most part, the public leads and the opinion-makers play catch-up. So while a movie like "Brokeback" can seem controversial on its face to people who see the nation in black and white -- or blue and red -- it doesn't take into account all the brave LGBT folks in all the small towns who are starting gay-straight alliances in high schools and who are being honest about their lives to their friends and families and communities. The box office numbers prove that America is ready for "Brokeback Mountain" and ready to treat gays and lesbians like human beings. Not that there aren't still several major bumps in the road, of course, but things are improving all the time.

Q: Do you consider “BBM� ground-breaking, or just a really good movie? Or, of course, both?

A: Well, it's really good, no question. I don't know that it's thematically ground-breaking, in the sense that there have been so many other notable gay-themed films, but it's certainly the right movie at the right time. "Brokeback" arrives at a time in the national dialogue when the queer community is becoming more and more welcome at the big table. And I think the film has the potential to be the "Uncle Tom's Cabin" of gay marriage -- Harriet Beecher Stowe's novel opened many people's eyes to the evils of racism, and I think "Brokeback" shows people that there's a real, human cost to bigotry and homophobia.

Q: What're your takes on “Capote� and “Transamerica?� Can they win Acting Oscars or will Academy members fret that they're honoring too many "gay" films in one year?

A: I don't think Academy members operate with that much of an agenda. I mean, no one worried about honoring two African-American lead performances a few years back. Ultimately, I'd like to think they're picking the best performances, and the best ones this year -- and I still think Heath Ledger will be serious competition for Hoffman in the Best Actor category -- happen to be queer characters.

Q: Why should everyone who knows how to read buy your book?

A: At least three different people have told me I've written the best bathroom book ever written, and that's a money quote right there. But I hope people find my book funny and informative. I'm the kind of person who gets asked by friends to make them lists for going to the video store or creating their Netflix queue, so now I've finally found a way for people to pay me to do it.

January 18, 2006

LAFCA: Can't quit the big green guy

So Ang Lee was rolling along at the Los Angeles Film Critics Association dinner Tuesday in Century City, making what must have been his 587th or so award acceptance speech this year for directing "Brokeback Mountain." He thanked these writers, those producers, the studio executives who kept the faith in his gay cowboy movie, yadda yadda yadda. But then, suddenly . . .

"These few weeks, I seem to walk in something like a dream," the Taiwanese filmmaker said in his slightly ajar English. "A dream I have to share with so many other people. So, my thanks go to Avi Arad of Marvel for giving me such a great chance; to Dennis Murren and everybody at ILM for those groundbreaking works; and to Stan Lee for his great inspiration."
Of course, those were all people involved with Lee's previous film, the overproduced, critically savaged broke-blockbuster "The Hulk."
"Please forgive me for dreaming," was Lee's deadpan punchline, which cracked the roomful of reviewers up. "But more importantly, thank you, too, for sometimes also waking me up."

LAFCA: Oscar's loss

German director Werner Herzog, in accepting his award for the documentary "Grizzly Man" at the Los Angeles Film Critics Association dinner Tuesday night, shrugged off the fact that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences failed to include his widely acclaimed film on its short list of nominees for this year's documentary Oscar.

"I think we should not spend any sleepless nights over the attitude of the documentary department of the academy," Herzog said.
Maybe the Oscar show's producers can lose a little shuteye, though, over not getting to hear Herzog make eloquent statements, such as the following from his LAFCA acceptance speech, about the very nature of reality in an image-inundated culture.
"I believe that there's a very, very big, momentous question behind all of this, and the question is the following: In the last 10 to 15 years, we have been overwhelmed by new forms of reality. Virtual reality. The Internet. Reality TV. Wrestlemania! We have to ask, What does PhotoShop do? What do visual effects do to movies?
"There is something out there that is much more important. And that is how to define truth in images. I have always tried to find an ecstasy of truth in my feature films and documentaries. And that, of course, puts me in conflict with mainstream films and documentaries. And that's all right, I'd like to continue."
Somehow, I just don't think we're going to hear anything that intelligent from the podium on March 5.

January 17, 2006

LAFCA: It's a girl!

Those who follow such things know that the Los Angeles Film Critics Association gave their best actress award to little-known Vera Farmiga for the seen-by-12-people drug addict drama "Down to the Bone."
Well, the actress was so thrilled about the recognition that when she accepted her plaque at Tuesday night's awards dinner in Century City, she promised . . .

. . . "I will name my first-born daughter Lafca in your honor."

Clad in a green gown with a neckline that plunged to her waist, Farmiga, who has moved up to movies directed by Martin Scorsese and Anthony Minghella since the no-budget "Bone" was made, also wanted tapes of L.A. Weekly critic Ella Taylor's praise-filled presentation speech.

"Can I have a recording of that for my Momma?" Farmiga asked. "And one for my home equity loan officer?"

Globes: Still hung over from the "party of the year"

Forgive me for this late posting ... but hey, when it's the day after the self-proclaimed "party of the year," morning's first light can be a cruel one. (One can only imagine how Harrison Ford feels today ... but I digress ... )

The evening's few moments of "fun" confirmed what my colleague, the esteemed David Kronke, wrote last week, namely that TV has it over movies in spades. Who gave the best speeches? TV winners Steve Carrell and Hugh Laurie. Who gave us the wacky, toilet-paper-stuck-to-my-shoe moment? Sandra Oh, taking a cue from Spinal Tap ("Hello Cleveland!") in her brave attempt at locating the stage.

Carrell was so good delivering that speech "written by his wife" that it confirmed he should have won movie honors for his work in "The 40-Year-Old Virgin." Instead, the best actor comedy/musical went to Joaquin Phoenix, who correctly noted the absurdity of his placement in that category from the winner's podium.

The Globes' effect on the Oscars has always been negligible, despite myths -- propogated by the HFPA and bought hook, line and sinker by gullible studios and publicists -- to the contrary.

What I wrote six weeks ago remains true today: Brokeback Mountain is a lock for best picture.

How do other categories shape up?

Actor: Heath Ledger or Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Joaquin Phoenix also a possibility.

Actress: Reese Witherspoon. Lock.

Director: Ang Lee, Brokeback.

Supporting actress: Fairly wide open. Michelle Williams from "Brokeback" and Globe winner Rachel Weisz ("The Constant Gardener")are the favorites, but it's a category that often delivers a surprise winner, so Catherine Keener ("Capote") and newcomer Amy Adams ("Junebug") could play spoilers.

Supporting actor: Again, there's no favorite. Clooney ("Syriana"), Paul Giamatti ("Cinderella Man"), Jake Gyllenhaal ("Brokeback") and someone from "Crash" -- Matt Dillon or Don Cheadle -- are the leading contenders.

Golden Globes: And the Oscar race comes to an end...?

Sorry, technical difficulties. Final thoughts on the 63rd annual Golden Globes:
Don’t you hate it when the Oscar horserace is finished before the ballots are even in? “Brokeback Mountain� was considered the Best Picture frontrunner; it won big tonight (besides Best Picture/Drama, Ang Lee took home the Best Director trophy and it also won for Best Screenplay, wins likely to be repeated come Oscar night, as well as Best Song). “Capote’s� Philip Seymour Hoffman and “Walk the Line’s� Reese Witherspoon were prior favorites for the Best Actor and Actress Oscars: Done, and done. Outside of a quirky upset, don't expect major deviations in all the upcoming awards ceremonies, which will seem increasingly redundant as the season unfolds.
The only major Oscars that might deviate from the Globes tonight are the supporting acting categories; George Clooney and Rachel Weisz appeared in films that the Motion Picture Academy might have trouble warming up to.
That said, “Brokeback Mountain� certainly is the Zeitgeist movie of the moment. Films like “Good Night, and Good Luck.�, “Syriana� and “Munich� all cried out to be vociferously debated on the nation’s op-ed pages – they all, to different extents, comment on current political travails. But I’ve seen more op-ed pieces on “Brokeback Mountain� than those three films combined.
Perhaps those movies wore their agendas on their sleeves too much. “Brokeback Mountain� was intent merely to tell its heartbreaking story, without editorial commentary. And the fact that, despite what some pundits may have suggested, the film is being embraced in places it could have been eschewed is a testament to the power of its filmmakers.

January 16, 2006

Oscars: Where's the ABBB?

That would be Anything But BrokeBack.
With both the vast majority of legitimate critics and now the starstruck moron groups (Broadcast Critics, Hollywood Foreign Press Association) declaring the gay western 2005's best movie, academy members have an extremely limited pool of pictures to choose from if they want to maintain the illusion that they're not influenced by organizations that are either smarter or dumber than they are.

Plus, there's that whole men lovin' men thing, which despite conservative yahoos' misconceptions, probably doesn't sit too well with the old Hollywood establishment guys who make up the majority of the motion picture academy's members.
But how slim are these alternative pickins to what is, let's face it, the most emotionally intelligent film of the year?
A month ago, there was some hope King Kong could be a best picture contender. But when the great, undiscerning mass moviegoing audience decided they preferred Talking Jesus Lion to Big Monkey Love, that was the end of that.
Those who waste so much of their lives handicapping the Oscar race from sometime around June each year had annointed Munich the sight-unseen one to beat for months. Then people saw it, and it was even more controversial than Brokeback. Plus, it had a sex scene that was 100 times ickier than anything two men could ever do together onscreen.
So much for the (now empty) big guns. Smart indie contenders, then.
Capote? Uh, makes them cowboys look awfully manly.
Constant Gardener? A key character turns out to be gay when you least expect it.
Good Night, And Good Luck? Not actually gay (unless you're counting McCarthy's staff), but how come we only ever see those CBS guys all hanging out with each other? Plus, it's in black and white.
A History of Violence? David Cronenberg and Viggo Mortensen kissed each other at the Golden Globes. It's dead.
So, that leaves us with . . . Oh, here's one. Crash. Moving up in the guild nominations. Writer-director Paul Haggis got overlooked last year for his Million Dollar Baby script, so he's owed. Plus, he had a heart attack while filming this labor of love project (inside industry sentimentality points). And it's about that hard-hitting subject, prejudice, in good ol' hometown L.A. - but there's not a single gay character in it!
Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a contender.

Globes: All is forgiven

The Hollywood Foreign Press proved there’re no hard feelings to “Desperate Housewives,� even though the latter kicked the Globes’ hindquarters last year in the ratings (thus necessitating the Globes moving to Monday this year), and named it Best TV Comedy again.
S. Epatha Merkerson had her (lengthy) acceptance speech mostly etched in her memory (she lost it down her dress at the Emmys and had to improvise) when she was named Best Actress in a TV Film or Miniseries for “Lackawanna Blues.� Best Actor in a TV Film or Miniseries went to Jonathan Rhys Meyers for playing “Elvis� – Elvis has an Irish accent?
Larry McMurtry and Diana Ossana continued “Brokeback Mountain’s� march to Oscar glory in winning the Best Screenplay Globe. Presenter Harrison Ford couldn’t be bothered to put his drink down to appear before the camera. (OK, another nice gown: co-presenter Virginia Madsen’s).
Inspired commercial to run during an awards ceremony: A promo for NBC’s “The Biggest Loser.�
Would they stop referring to this as “the party of the year?� A, it’s not true, and B, even if it were true, all the tagline does is remind us that we weren’t invited and make us bitter and resentful and not want to watch anymore.

Globes: The Beat Goes On

Reese Witherspoon began her march to an Oscar with her Best Actress in a Comedy/Musical Globe win for “Walk the Line.�
Mary-Louise Parker blew past all the “Desperate Housewives� to win the Globe for Best Actress in a TV Comedy for her role as a pot-dealing suburban mom, even though presenter Chris Rock noted that while “Housewives� is viewed by all of America, “‘Weeds’ is only watched by Snoop Doggy Dogg.�
Steve Carrell was named Best Actor in a TV Comedy for “The Office.� He did a funny bit reading an acceptance speech he claimed was written by his wife, which thanked her copiously and pointed out a few of his flaws.
Oh, this is interesting – not the Globes, where “Empire Falls� won for Best TV Movie or Miniseries – but this article in yesterday’s New York Times about the LA Philharmonic and Esa-Pekka Salonen. Who’d’ve thunk the NY Times would admit LA Phil is a world-class outfit?
Just a thought – on a day that offers a former Vice President of the United States accusing the current President of breaking the law “repeatedly and persistently� in addition to the Globes and Shaq/Kobe II (or IV, depending on how you count it), what do you think Los Angeles will be talking about tomorrow?
Have to say, not a big fan of the majority of the gowns tonight. Mary-Louise Parker’s dress was understated in a way too many of the others aren’t. Michelle Williams, too.

Globes: Hey, the winners actually deserve it (more or less)

Early winners include:

George Clooney was named Best Supporting Actor for “Syriana:� He declared, “I want to thank Jack Abramoff, just because.� (Abramoff just pled guilty to all sorts of corrupt behavior in Washington, which threatens to bring down a whole bunch of politicians, most of which share an ideology at odds with Clooney’s own liberal sensibility.)
Rachel Weisz won the Best Supporting Actress trophy for “The Constant Gardener.� As great as she was in the film, her makeup looked kind of odd and there was a bow the size of a Buick on the front of her dress and she’ll probably appear as part of tomorrow’s fashion don’t’s.
Not only was Geena Davis named “Commander in Chief,� she also received the Globe for Best Actress in a TV Drama and got a big laugh, besides. She told a heart-warming tale of feeling a tug at her skirt on the red carpet and seeing a young girl who told her she wanted to be President someday. After the appropriate pause, she added, “Well, that didn’t actually happen.�
Hugh Laurie bested a group of ladykillers to be named Best Actor/Drama for “House.� Noting he made a list of winners that extended to 172 names, he said he had put three on individual slips of paper and would thanks those whose names were on the three he drew at random: “The rest can just lump it.�
Best Supporting Actor in a TV movie/series/miniseries was, predictably, Paul Newman for “Empire Falls.� Predictably, he was a no-show.
“Grey’s Anatomy’s� Sandra Oh gave the requisite gushy speech when she was named Best Supporting Actress in a TV movie/series/miniseries. She seemed to get lost on her way to the stage, weaving back and forth between the star-studded tables, then announced, “I feel like someone set me on fire.� She thanked her support staff with a heartfelt, “Oh, God, I don’t remember any of your names.�

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Globes: Oh, God, make it stop

NBC’s telecast of the 63rd annual Golden Globes began with what they considered “highlights� of their red-carpet interviews. If these were their best moments, just imagine how jaw-droppingly insipid the other conversations must've been:
Mariah Carey, on her past year: “It’s been amazing. It’s been a blessing.�
Asked his favorite role, Anthony Hopkins answered, “There’ve been so many; I don’t know.�
Johnny Depp on “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory:� “We had a wonderful time making that film.�
The opening song, a Weird-Al Yankovic-style, Globes-themed version of Pussycat Dolls’ “Don’t Cha?� was so determinedly unhip, you’d swear they cut away from the Globes to an AARP rally.
Queen Latifah opened the ceremony dedicating it to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.’s legacy. Because, you know, he was always really concerned with who won the Globes.
The good news about the Globes is that there’s no host. The bad thing is there’s no host to make fun of.

Oscars: One week only!

Do any of films that do a one-week limited-engagement, Oscar-qualifying run in December, then disappear only to return at a later date (The World's Fastest Indian and Hookwinked were a couple that did it this year), ever actually get any Oscar nominations? I'm guessing not, but if someone can think of an example where this strategy actually worked, I'd be interested. Otherwise, it seems really stupid. It's a drain on a film's marketing campaign -- either you spend a lot of money just for one week's business, or you spend just a little and the film plays to empty houses while moviegoers to the heavily hyped holiday films. Then, you have to start all over when the film returns, and you're not helped as much by the local media because a lot of outlets have already run their reviews. Forget Oscars -- do any of these films ever actually turn a profit?

January 13, 2006

Patrow's Dad Nixed Script

Gwyneth Paltrow still misses her father, who died three years ago. LA.COMfidential reports that last night, the pregnant actress mentioned him numerous times during a Q&A following a SAG screening of Proof in Beverly Hills' Fine Arts Theatre. The film is about a young woman dealing with the death of her father, with whom she had a particular bond. Paltrow said that she herself was in grief over her own dad, Bruce Paltrow, during the making of the film, and she described her portrayal of Catherine, "I was very grave, dark, and utterly heartbreaking." She adds, "I think I lost my sense of humor." But then she told a funny story: When she was getting into the biz, around age 19, she considered a role in a Vanilla Ice film. She asked her father for advice on whether or not she should do the film, and he asked to see the screenplay. "There's this part in the script where [Vanilla Ice] asks for my phone number," she explained. "And I say, '555-6969'"—with emphasis on the 6-9—"and my father says, 'Over my dead body.'"

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How Gwyneth has matured: now she does nude scenes.

January 12, 2006

Off topic (slightly): A Million Little Pieces of Excrement

I'm going to pretend that getting named to Oprah's Book Club is an award unto itself and offer some thoughts on James Frey's "A Million Little Pieces." Frey, as you probably know, has come under fire from thesmokinggun.com for essentially making up his memoir of life as an abject addict (the publisher has since agreed to refund money to those who bought the book and feel ripped off).
Which I don't get -- if you know just a little about his book, you know sundry storylines are dubious -- for example, it begins with Frey, waaaay messed up, on a plane he didn't even knew he boarded. Most airline policies, for many years, are to not allow such inebriated passengers to board -- they'll come up with any excuse, and Frey's description of himself -- bloodied, etc. -- would seem to fall into such parameters. Also: While most people may not expect lurid bios of this sort to be utter nonsense (but think about it -- if these people are this messed up, how can they lucidly recall their ignoble pasts?) -- I personally, actually, appear in one: I play David, the Dallas Times Herald Music Critic, in Elizabeth Wurtzel's bestseller "Prozac Nation," and nothing in the three or so pages in which I'm mentioned actually happened. (I come offf looking pretty good, relatively speaking, in the book, in case you're wondering, though my dialogue feels very stilted; I may be the only character in the book Wurtzel didn't sleep with -- I'll leave it to you to guage my dismay in this arena.)

The point is, these people write books simply to get a rise out of the very conventional humans who review such books, and anyone who thinks otherwise is touchingly deluded. Think of Katherine Harrison's The Kiss, in which she elucidated her sex with her father -- is this something you want to share with America, or something that'll sell books.

Bad behavior sells; merely moderately bad behavior is the norm and none of us care. When Frey appeared on the utterly clueless Larry King tonight, a recurring theme was: Memoirs are a relatively new art form. Hmmm, if you say so, though I recall reading "The Confessions of St. Augustine" two decades back. Which, if memory serves, was written a least a millenium ago and included accounts of sex in a church by a man who became an icon of the Catholic Church. Everything old is lurid again.

January 11, 2006

Superman's Super Smile

There seemed to be more mextrosexual actors than actresses scooping up freebies at the Platinum Guild International Jewelry Preview at the Luxe Hotel in Bev Hills this afternoon. LA.COMfidential reports that Rex Lee, who plays Jeremy Piven's witty assistant on “Entourageâ€? (left), was sprawled on a bed, enjoying an organic Jurlique facial. Ashton Holmes, who plays Viggo Mortensen's son in "A History of Violence," had a one hand dipped in a frothy bowl of warm milk—part of The Paint Shop's chai latte manicure. "Superman Returns" star Brandon Routh (right) was perfecting his smile with a Zoom II teeth whitening treatment, made famous by Dr. Sherri Worth on “The Swan.â€? (We’ll see if his choppers look brighter this Monday when he presents an award at the Golden Globes. We know the rest of him will sparkle; he snagged a $42,000 platinum watch and an $8,000 ring to wear on the red carpet.) Routh's girlfriend, indie actress Courtney Ford, also opened wide for a treatment. She divulged that she met her super guy at Lucky Strike, where Routh was working as a bartender!

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People's Choice: Masterson no master as a DJ

We expected last night's People's Choice Awards after-party at the Shrine Auditorium to be bumping with celebs, especially since Danny Masterson (AKA DJ Donkeypizzle) was spinning. But the event was more like a craft services tent for famished industry peeps to eat while the celebs worked the red carpet. Jessica Simpson popped in and out and Natasha Henstridge swooped in for caviar and chips. "A History of Violence" heartthrob Ashton Holmes, who looked adorable in a pair of beat-up chucks, stuck around for a little longer, as did E!'s host of "The Soup," Joel McHale, who couldn't walk two steps without being told he's the funniest man on TV. DJ Donkeypizzle didn't fair as well. Despite his awesome mix of '80s tunes by the Smiths and Joy Division, the dance floor was the most vacant area in the house, reminding us of the cringetastic party scene in "13 Going on 30." It's too bad Jennifer Garner, who won an award last night for Favorite Female Action Star, wasn't there to request Michael Jackson's "Thriller."

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Ashton and Joel were two of the many people not on the dance floor. For more pix, click here.

Oscars: A gauntlet is thrown

Today in the Daily News, we try to deflate awards' season's overly bulging balloon a smidgen with an argument that today's best TV is better than the movies that we're spending so much time celebrating on this blog.

Check out the story, linked below, then feel free to agree or disagree -- as vociferously as you like. Call us -- OK, me -- any name that won't get you censored. And we'll respond. kronketv.jpg
Blogs are about dialogue, and that's what we want to start here, and if the give-and-take can be funny and insightful at the same time, all the better. (If you/we can only be funny, so be it; if it can only be insightful, the world may end.)

Daily News

Full disclosure: I used to be a movie critic -- a real movie snob, to be honest -- before reviewing TV for the Daily News (in fact, the Daily News was one of the local outlets for which I reviewed films; I've since withdrawn my membership from the LA Film Critics Association). Which either solidifies my position as a TV champion or makes me an abject turncoat. Which is your call.

January 10, 2006

People's Choice: One Down, 83 More Awards Shows To Go

Declaring "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" "Life with the dull bits cut out" (citing Alfred Hitchcock -- though the show is really more lurid behavior with all the real-life bits cut out), Donald Sutherland wrapped up the evening. (Too bad the People's Choice Awards didn't have the dull bits cut out.) William Petersen called people liking his show "a very special gift," which apparently so disgusted the orchestra's conductor that he for the first time this evening interrupted an acceptance speech.

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And here's a shocker: A post-show disclaimer confessed, "The favorites were notified in advance."

People's Choice: Amen, Tyra

Finally, someone got annoyed by the over-caffeinated crowd: Tyra Banks interrupted her spiel on Favorite Song in a Movie to bark, "You guys are distracting me -- be quiet!"

(Need you ask? We mentioned Jessica Simpson was in the crowd -- she opened the show with a number -- so naturally it was her "These Boots Were Made For Walkin.'")

People's Choice: Karma works

Did I call it or what? "My Name Is Earl" -- about a lovable hick who tries to reverse his bad karma by righting every wrong he ever did -- beat the odds and was named Favorite New TV Comedy. "This show really was made for the people," declared star Jason Lee. As opposed to the three-toed sloths.

They've shown that CSI cast members are on hand, so Favorite TV Drama is a no-brainer.

People's Choice: Everybody Loves Spoilers

More giveaways: Craig Ferguson pointed out Ray Romano in the audience earlier. Now he's onstage accepting the Favorite TV Comedy trophy for "Everybody Loves Raymond."
News tease: Lindsay Lohan has a “stunning� new statement about her health. “Stunning� – according to a TV journalist. Stunning.
Jason Lee’s in the audience, making “My Name is Earl� the odds-on favorite for Favorite New TV Comedy.
“Harrison Ford lowered himself enough to be here – isn’t that amazing?� declared presenter George Lopez (did he read this blog before going onstage?). He then insulted Nick Lachey and “The Dukes of Hazzard� in front of Jessica Simpson. Then he said something that got bleeped out. Here’s guessing he went off-script.
But maybe the funniest thing he did was name Sandra Bullock as Favorite Female Movie Star (conveniently, Bullock produces Lopez’s sitcom). She had to hold up her dress as she bent over to high-five those in the mosh pit. “I’m very shocked,� she said. “I think you picked the wrong person, but I’ll take it.� We understand her confusion: She beat out Angelina Jolie and Nicole Kidman, even though her significant work this year was a small part in the ensemble drama “Crash.�

People's Choice: A Prison

You know, the director is giving away the game -- he shows you who's in the audience and you can figure out who's going to win things.

For example: Owen Wilson sits there dutifully. Sure enough, he won Favorite Screen Duo with Vince Vaughn and "Wedding Crashers" was named Favorite Comedy Film.

"Prison Break" was named Favorite New TV Drama. Stars Wentworth Miller and Dominick Purcell were in the lobby when it was announced, underscoring just how much they must've wanted to be there.

Host Craig Ferguson's hair is mussed, but not enough to look trendy. Just enough to look like someone's not paying attention.

People's Choice: American Idiots

Green Day -- whose album "American Idiot" was released in 2004 -- was named Favorite Group. (Which means the Beatles could've been a nominee, I guess.) Doris Roberts of "Everybody Loves Raymond" presented the award, so someone somewhere on site has a sense of humor.

Jennifer Love Hewitt is a nominee for Favorite Female TV Star. Just let that sink in.

Jennifer Garner won, however. She also won for Female Action Star. She's such a choice of the people that ABC has cancelled her show at the end of the season.

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People's Choice: Harrison Ford lowers his price

Harrison Ford -- named favorite all-time star or some such a few years back -- is on hand to present Favorite Movie. One of the nominess is the last "Star Wars" film. Guess who won.

"This is a very important award to me," George Lucas says. "I'm not a big favorite of the critics --" huh? That didn't used to be true, and this last one got plenty of good reviews -- "but who listens to them?" Ouch. "I'm not a favorite of the industry, either..." -- now, wait. Where is he getting this stuff? "The reason I make movies is for you -- the audience rules." Oh, I get it. It's pandering, pure and simple.

Jennifer Aniston won an award for her hair. I'm sure she's so proud. It was one of those awards-that's-really-a-commercial, so she obviously wasn't anywhere in sight.

People's Choice: Eva and Johnny

Eva Mendes presented the Favorite Male Star award -- she, as every presenter does, emphasizes that "You" voted for these people; these are "Your" awards. People also often seem to run through and high-five the shriekers in the crowd up front. Johnny Depp won. Appearing via "satellite" and speaking with a vague British accent, Depp was a little too subtle for the room. Which didn't keep that contingent of the audience from whooping and howling during his speech.

Favorite Female Singer: Kelly Clarkson. The other nominees -- including Gwen Stefani, who obviously just enjoyed a career year -- didn't seem to be there.

Cameron Diaz won one of those lame trophies that comes with product-placement attached. Sensibly, she was a no-show.

People's Choice: Craig Ferguson

By the way, this thing is being hosted by Craig Ferguson, who hosts the show on after Letterman. He seems a very genial guy, but his sense of humor -- well, it'd seem to fit more on a daytime talk show rather than a late-night one. He just squirted the audience with water. Maybe he was trying to hose them down and get them to behave.

People's Choice Awards: Thrills aplenty

American Idol was just named Favorite Reality Show Competition. When she announced the winner, presenter Nicolette Sheridan let out a yelp-y little enthusiastic yowl that, to be honest, was belied by the bemused expression on her face.

Now the "star of 'Paparazzi'" -- whoever that is, whatever that was (a movie that lasted 5 minutes in theaters? two years ago?) -- is presenting Favorite Male Action Star to Matthew McConaughey, who called "Sahara" "the first major motion feature" his production company produced. And that was pretty much the most coherent thing he said.

I've just started watching this thing, and it already seems suspiciously like one of those the-winner-is-the-person-who-shows-up deals.

The producers have filled the audience with a group of people who scream like giddy assault victims at every. Damn. Thing. Honestly, Mr. McConaughey is a nice guy, but there's no rational explanation on this planet for the shrill shrieking that greeted his appearance. Imagine young girls seeing Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt and Heath Ledger simultaneously -- that's how Matt was received. Sometimes, TV people must think we're idiots.

More to come. If you can stand the excitement.

Broadcast critics awards: In case anyone cares

Since no one pays attention to these jokers, their efforts to produce a solidified front were justified tonight, when they gave awards more or less to the films everyone more or less expects to win.

Anyway, here's your key graf from the press release:

King Kong received a special Distinguished Achievement in Performing Arts Award to recognize the revolutionary cinematic achievement in synthesizing visual effects with an actor’s performance to create the character. The award was accepted by actor Andy Serkis, animation director Christian Rivers, animation supervisor Joe Letteri and via special effects, King Kong himself.

And so, the magic continued:


BEST PICTURE:
Brokeback Mountain

BEST ACTOR:
Philip Seymour Hoffman – “Capote�

BEST ACTRESS:
Reese Witherspoon – “Walk the Line�

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR:
Paul Giamatti – “Cinderella Man�

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS:
Amy Adams – “Junebug�
Michelle Williams – “Brokeback Mountain�

BEST ACTING ENSEMBLE:
Crash

BEST DIRECTOR:
Ang Lee – “Brokeback Mountain�

BEST WRITER:
Paul Gaggis and Bobby Moresco – “Crash�

BEST ANIMATED FEATURE:
“Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit�

BEST YOUNG ACTOR:
Freddie Highmore – “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory�

BEST YOUNG ACTRESS:
Dakota Fanning – “War of the Worlds�

BEST COMEDY:
The 40 Year-Old Virgin

BEST FAMILY FILM (LIVE ACTION):
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe

BEST PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION:
Into the West

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM:
Kung Fu Hustle

BEST SONG:
“Hustle & Flow� – performed by Terrence Howard, written by Al Kapone – “Hustle & Flow�

BEST SOUNDTRACK:
Walk the Line

BEST COMPOSER:
John Williams – “Memoirs of a Geisha�

BEST DOCUMENTARY FEATURE:
March of the Penguins

# # #

January 9, 2006

SAG: Other great actresses

That last week's Screen Actors Guild's best female movie lead nominations overlooked:

Joan Allen in "The Upside of Anger" and Maria Bello in "A History of Violence."

Two more reasons to ask the musical question: Judi Who?

January 5, 2006

"Munich:" No comment, no love

spielberg.jpg
Can we all agree now that Steven Spielberg's decision to stand mute on his latest film (while chirpily chatting with the usual suspects for "War of the Worlds") was a disastrous miscalculation; that, for better or worse, willingly and cheerfully grinding oneself up in the star-making machinery is just an occupational hazard come awards season? (And why wouldn't someone want to discuss a movie of such serious intentions, anyway? Why leave it to op-ed-page columnists to deconstruct? Why deprive people of a story that'd be infinitely more interesting than Nathan Lane and Matthew Broderick reminiscing about yokking it up one last time for "The Producers?") Who wants to bet we'll see a couple of very high-profile profiles of Spielberg just before the Golden Globes (and, coincidentally, just before Oscar ballots are due)?