Oscars: Cross-pollinating the nominees
As good as the Oscar nominees may be, could they have been even better had the characters from the sundry films bumped into one another?
Probably not.
“Hustle and Flow� and “Crash:�
Cameron: That last awards ceremony may not have worked out so well for us, but I’m feeling really good about tonight! I think “Date My Mom� has the inside track for the Best Reality Series Emmy!
Christine: And the helicopter footage of the last time I tried to escape from LAPD in a car chase is up for a local Emmy, which got me my SAG card!
DJay: Hey, hey, sorry to interrupt, but I’m in town trying to launch my new single, and in the meantime, I need to make me some money. What about you, young lady – you wanna work for me? You’re so fine I’ll give you a special deal – we split everything 60/40.
Christine: What?
Cameron: That’s my wife, you lowlife.
DJay: Whoa – take a look at you! You almost as handsome as me!
Cameron: Why, you’re practically my doppelganger!
DJay: Not only that, you practically my lookalike!
Cameron: You might be family – I’ll put you on the payroll at my production company.
DJay: It’s all pimpin’.
“Brokeback Mountain’s� Ennis and Jack visit the Los Angeles of “Crash� and bump into “Transamerica’s� Bree as a bonus:
Jack (on Santa Monica Blvd.): When they said there were hills and canyons here, I expected something different.
Ennis: No sheep to herd, either, ’cept for all those people we saw amblin’ ’round talkin’ on them teeny little phones.
Officer Ryan: So, what do we have here? Well, well: a couple of midnight cowboys.
Jack: We just wanted to do a little fishing together.
Officer Ryan: Fishing for what, eh? I should warn you: Like everyone else in Los Angeles, I’m just an unbridled cauldron of seething hatred for anything different from myself, so I’m going to have to do something unspeakable to you guys.
(Officer Ryan proceeds to do something unspeakable.)
Ennis (philosophically): If you can’t fix it, you gotta stand it.
Bree: Toby? Is that you? I’ve been searching for my reprobate son – officer, what are you doing to them?
Officer Ryan (taking in Bree): Oh, God, it just keeps getting worse – I’d pray for an apocalyptic storm of frogs to cleanse this city, but that movie didn’t come out this year.
“Capote� is wished “Good Night, and Good Luck.:�
Edward R. Murrow (on his celebrity-interview show): Now that you’ve taken the literary world by storm, will there be a Mrs. Capote soon?
Truman Capote: Silly boy.. I’d like another Mr. Capote, though.
Edward R. Murrow: Ohhh…
Truman Capote: Now Eddie, you yourself said we will not walk in fear of one another…
“Syriana� and “The Constant Gardener� erupt in an orgy of conspiracy theories:
Tessa Quayle: My research has revealed that in order to facilitate the movement of oil from the Middle East to America, you’ve had a pipeline built under the Red Sea connecting Saudi Arabia to the Sudan to avoid attacks from Islamic extemists, and when Africans learned of it and threatened to protest, you inoculated them with fatal tuberculosis vaccines. Right?
Bob Barnes: Yeah. Kind of amazing Oliver Stone wasn’t involved with either of our movies, isn’t it?
Tessa Quayle: My only other question is, why would a couple of thinking-person’s sex symbols expend all their energy getting involved with such nonsense? Shouldn’t we just be making out?
“Walk the Line’s� Johnny Cash hires Jack and Ennis as back-up singers:
Johnny Cash: You good ole boys have the look – so raw, so honest.
Jack: You have a real good fashion sense yourself, Mr. Cash. The all-black thing really works for you.
Johnny Cash: Well said, young fella. Now, boys, all you have to remember is hit your marks and keep away from my autoharp player – that one is mine, all mine.
Ennis: That shouldn’t be a problem, sir.
Johnny Cash: Great. Want some pills?
Edward R. Murrow uncovers the “Munich� plot:
Murrow: Weren’t you paying attention when I came out with that whole “We will not walk in fear of one another� thing?
Avner: Yes, Mr. Murrow. You can’t imagine the devastating emotional scars my assignment has seared upon my soul.
Murrow: Save it for “Oprah,� pal. McCarthy was behind this, wasn’t he? Or was it the contemporary figures for which our respective movies used our tales as metaphors?
“Capote� visits “Brokeback Mountain:�
Oh, please, I think we all know where this one is going.
