San Bernardino family remembers slain son, awaits trial

The latest hardship to hit the family is directly traceable to Anthony's death.

They were evicted last week from their home.

Anthony's father, Henry Ramirez, plunged into deep depression over his son's death. He sought professional counseling and also leaned on the bottle. The former pipefitter foreman began missing working and calling in sick. Eventually he lost his job and with it the counseling provided by his health coverage.

With Henry out of work, Michelle became the family's sole breadwinner.

She was able to keep things afloat until she too was laid-off from her job as a certified nurse's assistant in September.

Since then, the family has been unable to pay its monthly rent of $650. Monthly food costs to feed the three remaining boys typically run more than $700, Michelle said.

Anthony's three brothers -- Henry Jr., 18, Joseph, 16, and Chris, 12 -- have shared the grief and pain.

Six months after Anthony's death, their home was burglarized and several of Anthony's favorite treasures were stolen along with the family's computer which held a number of photographs of Anthony.

Borne by the scent, Michelle said, "A lot of times I wonder what things would be like if it never happened. What if everything was still the same?"

Packing away Anthony's things for storage was the most difficult part of being evicted from their home on Mount Vernon Avenue last week. The Rev. Reginald Beamon came to the Ramirezes' aid and gave them money to rent a storage unit for their belongings until they find a home.

Their last day was Tuesday.

On Wednesday, Michelle visited county offices and obtained hotel vouchers for 16 days, which the family began using the same day and $440 in food stamps.

Both Henry and Michelle feel guilt for the situation their children are enduring and swallowed their pride to ask for help.

Family members have offered to take them in, but Henry's mother has one small extra room and Michelle's mother has no empty rooms -- only the couch and the floor.

Henry sank into grief and guilt over his decision to move the family from Moreno Valley to San Bernardino six years ago to take advantage of the lower rents.

He says the move is his biggest regret. He believes Anthony would still be alive had they remained in Moreno Valley.

His work, of course, suffered.

"At that time I basically felt like I didn't want to be here anymore, because I was missing my son so much," Henry Ramirez said. "At that time I couldn't even get out of my bed. I didn't want to talk to people, I isolated myself, I shut myself off from the world."

In the year that followed Anthony's death, Henry often turned to alcohol to numb his pain.

His employer was aware of his troubles and urged him to enroll in counseling. He did, but business slowed for his employer, who implemented in a series of lay-offs. In September 2007, Henry found himself jobless and without health benefits.

To this day, the family has gone without significant grief counseling, something they say they need.

Michelle found a part-time minimum wage job through Kris Oxnevad. She'll start soon, but hopes it can transition into a full-time job with higher pay.

Anthony's brothers have their own problems. Joseph was wounded and Henry Jr. carried Anthony to safer ground in an effort to save him.

"It was hard going to my house one day and then going the next day and he wasn't there," Henry Jr. said of the days after his brother was killed.

Henry Jr. also became depressed and lost focus in school. He fell behind and enrolled in a continuation high school to make up missing credits.

"I didn't pay attention, I didn't really care about anything," he said.

Chris wasn't there when Anthony died but he's not immune to the grief. He lost a brother, too.

The family awaits the emotional onslaught of the trial of James Lemont Bagsby Jr., 17, who is charged with killing Anthony. He was 15 at the time.

About a week after Anthony's death, police arrested Bagsby. No trial date has been set.

Bagsby waived his right to a speedy trial, which has greatly delayed the process. If convicted, the youth could face life in prison.

When the trial does begin it will be an especially trying for Joseph and Henry Jr., who are expected to testify. The long wait has denied the family a sense of closure.

"It won't give us closure, but we need something," Michelle said. "I feel like our life's on hold, it's standing still.

It's still so hard to wake up in the morning knowing he's not here."

What the Ramirezes need most right now are jobs and housing. They can be reached by calling Henry's mother, Lilian Quiroz at (951)242-2042.

Henry has been searching for work for some time, but the woeful economy has made it difficult. Jobs are scarce.

Kent Paxton, Mayor Pat Morris' community safety liaison, has referred The Ramirezes to Catholic Charities for grief counseling and to the San Bernardino Employment Training Agency for help finding work.

Steve Parker, a social worker with the county's Department of Children's Services, is working to find the family housing, Paxton said.

"That family's been through a lot," Paxton said. "After a loss like that it's tough to get up in the morning and face the world. It's a long road back after you lose a child."

Beamon, who has worked with countless families dealing with the loss of a loved one, says grief associated with the death of a young child is something that can't be understood unless you experience it.

"Even though we caught the suspect there's no such thing as closure, there's constant grieving," Beamon said. "From my experience, it's probably the hardest loss that anyone faces.

"It affects work, it affects the way they worship -- they disconnect from mainstream society.

Unless you walk a day in their shoes, you don't know what they're going through."

michael.sorba@inlandnewspapers.com