Tuesday’s Column — “The Amazing Octomom”


You have to love the New York Post-style name that’s come to represent Whittier resident and mother of 14 Nayda Suleman.

It sums up the grotesqueness and the truly bizarre nature of something none of us can understand on so many levels.

It also sounds like the handle of a lame comic book villian. The kind writers come up with when the Joker or Magneto have challenged Batman or the X-Men one too many times.

“The Amazing Octomom!”

“Watch as she and her innocent brood take over the state welfare system.”

“Is Batman powerless to stop her?”

“Octomom” might make a great movie title too.

As others have pointed out there is a striking similarity between Suleman and actress Angelina Jolie. You can see Hollywood types jumping all over this one, praying for the opportunity to cast Jolie as the overwhelmed mother of 14 (count `em 14!) very active babies.

There’s other possible titles.

Comedy? “Cheaper by the Dozen, plus 2”

Tragedy? “Oceans 14”

The tragedy of course being that the franchise didn’t end at “Oceans 12.”

That said, Suleman denies she’s made any conscious effort to look like Jolie.

Jolie, on the other hand, reportedly said she’s “totally creeped out” by Suleman and the whole, sad tale.

I guess reality television might find a way to profit off this. But on the other hand, who wants to watch eight screaming babies for an hour? Or witnessthe endless diaper changes?

As the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons might say: “Worst villian ever.”

Back in the real world, the true villian may not be Suleman.

But, the thing is, there is villany here.

I think we all have to wonder what role Beverly Hills fertility specialist Dr. Michael Kamrava plays in this story.

Is he the mad scientist, whose experiments have gone horribly wrong?

Or is he an opportunist seeking his 15 minutes in the hopes of bolstering his questionable practice?

Fortunately Kamrava is under investigation by at least two state boards for what appear to be questionable ethics.

He has so far declined to comment on the whole sordid mess.

There are estimates that Octomom’s hospital stay and providing the necessary care for her children will cost California taxpayers upward of $1 million.

Who knows how much health care for the children will cost after they arrive home in Whittier?

Food stamps?

Social workers?

Foster care?

Numerous state investigations and hearings?

And we, each and every one of us taxpayers, are on the hook for each and every dime.

That said, the real tragedy is that these 14 innocent children are pawns in some larger game that has yet to make itself apparent.

There’s nothing that we can do but sit back and watch the story unfold and hope the children are somehow saved from the craziness.

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  • JOEL