Tuesday's column (living on $13 a week)

I spent a good part of Sunday trying to figure out what to do with an extra $13 a week.

That's what we'll all get for six months beginning in June as part of President Obama's ecomomic stimulus package. Thirteen bucks.

When I was a teenager, my dad used to scold me because (in his words): "Money burns a hole in your pocket."

Heck, I don't even have my first paycheck with a stimulus bump and already its spent. It didn't even get a chance to burn a hole in my pocket.

Maybe I should have been a politician, they definitely know how to burn money.

Take that 13 bucks.

In truth none of us will ever get to see it, because our state government is going to get their hands on the money faster than an Indian casino can get rich opening it doors to bus loads of foreign students.

They will get it in increased sales taxes, vehicle license fees, and smaller income tax credits for children and married couples. We are going to get nailed.

I pushed that out of my mind, so that there was nothing to stop me from dreaming about economic stimulus, rather than worry about any economic ruin the state is attempting to hasten.

At first I thought about taking my $13 and spending it on iTunes. Certainly that will stimulate the economy. After all rock and rap artists need our money so that they can buy drugs, guns, and outrageous clothing.

Take pop singer Chris Brown. He's certainly going to need a cash infusion to pay his lawyers.

Since that sickens me almost as much as paying for Octomom's brood of 14, I decided to think about turning the money to a more productive use.

Where better than a 99-Cents Only store? I hit one on Hacienda Boulevard somewhere between West Covina and La Puente.

The place was so crowded, I almost left.

But after walking in, I gravitated toward the food. Who knew there are so many staples available for just 99 cents?

A loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter and a jar of jelly - three bucks total - added up to lunch for a week.

A head of lettuce, some salad dressing and a six-pack of tomatoes? Salad with dinner for five or six nights.

And I still had $7 to spend, I went for three tins of spaghetti sauce, a package of noodles, two ham steaks and a box of off-brand cornflakes. Mmm mmm good - NOT.

Which is why I put everything back and decided to invest my $13 instead.

A package of tomato seeds, a package of onion seeds, some jalapeno seeds and carrot seeds cost less than $2. I took the rest of the money and spend it on compact fluorescent light bulbs.

We'll be having salsa and carrots all summer. And saving money on the Edison bill to boot.

After all we're going to need it. Someone's going to have to pay for all this stimulus and bailout stuff that's burning big holes in our economy's pockets.

The sad part is, it's going to be you and me.