Thursday's column (Calling Gov. Arnold's bluff)

In your face Governor Musclehead.

You tried to hold the state hostage by putting a gun to our heads and threatening us with dire consequences if your budget plan didn't pass.

It didn't. Now it's up to you and your dysfunctional cronies in Sacramento to fix California. The sad thing is that none of you have the political skill to pull the state out of the mess it's in.

Here are some suggestions from me, an average voter, living an average life in an average California suburb.

Don't threaten to release the dregs of the state's prison population into our streets. Instead renegotiate contracts with the prison guards. If they don't want to work, fire them. There's plenty of out-of-work Californians who would would relish any sort of job that would permit them to take care of their families.

No doubt many are qualified to work as prison guards.

Move on from there by throwing the special interest lobbies out of the Capitol - get the money changers out of the temple now.

Then, give back the cash you've stolen from local governments and let the people decide how best to spend their own money in their own neighborhoods.

Also, privatize useless bureaucracies like the state lottery. Contract out to the lowest bidder all maintenance, engineering and testing work done by Caltrans.

Force school districts to cut back on bloated administrations that include $100,000-salaried assistant superintendents. Get rid of mandates that force teachers to teach to the test instead of teaching to the natural abilities of their students.

Eliminate stupid multi-million dollar scams like the California Air Resources Board's plan to force gas station owners to check tire pressures using a state-approved gauge.

Don't believe there's such a thing?

Check out what the Redding Searchlight wrote back on March 28:

"The air board passed new rules governing tire inflation. They require oil-change shops, smog stations and auto mechanics to check and properly inflate the tires of each vehicle they service, using state-authorized gauges and up-to-date manuals, and to keep records available for inspection by the tire-inflation police."

UNREAL!

And you, Governor Musclehead, had the nerve to blame California voters for the mess we are in ???

Clearly your campaign was the equivalent of cutting out individual letters from newspaper and magazine articles and pasting them on a yellowed piece of lined paper.

"PAy uP NOW or YOUr staTe DiEs!"

If we don't negotiate with terrorists in this country, why the hell would we give in to your demands?

Nice try. Use the remaining 18 months of your term to fix this state. If you can't do that, then get back to Hollywood now, perhaps you can pair up with Danny DeVito for Twins II.

After all, as your character Julius Benedict said in the original, "If you choose to bluff, you must be prepared to have the bluff called."