Recently in Weird/Humorous Soccer Category

If you need to get caught up on soccer news after the Easter weekend, you're in the right place:

*The Galaxy's Landon Donovan was named MLS Player of the Week today after his brace in Saturday's win over the Portland Timbers.

*The Galaxy reserves lost on Sunday, however, to the Timbers. (That's academy products and subs Justin Dhillon replacing Frankie Hejduk and English-born defender Matt Tilley replacing Bryan Jordan in case you were wondering).

Via the Galaxy:

Rancho Santa Margarita resident Dhillon plays for the Galaxy's U-16's, where he's scored seven times in 12 games, while Tilley, who recently joined the Academy program and now lives in Irvine, has scored once in his five games with the U-18's.

*Chivas USA, meanwhile, saw the senior squad beat the San Jose Earthquakes, but the reserves fall, 3-1.

*Could former Real Madrid star Guti be coming to the Galaxy or Chivas USA? He tweeted this weekend (translated by Google):

"Los angeles, new york to istanbul are my target for the year qque coming but still I have nothing decided in a month will decide all"

*Former Galaxy star Herculez Gomez, the streaky LA native, scored yet again this weekend and now has four goals in four games for Pachuca, which tied Queretaro, 1-1.

*Lawndale's kei Kamara had two goals in a losing cause as 10-man Sporting Kansas City blew a one-goal lead to lose 3-2 Saturday to the New England Revolution. Chivas USA nearly man Benny Feilhaber had an assist in his first game for the Revs after returning from Europe.

*Torrance's Shannon Boxx has played on three WPS teams that folded. Now she's playing for the weirdest team in the league.

*It turns out 19-year-old Loyola Marymount University soccer player David Kucera died in January from a "genetic disease that is the single most common cause of death for young athletes."

This picture is from Victoria Beckham's Twitter feed: Wonder who it is?

This has nothing to do with Southern California soccer, but sometimes you just can't resist stories like this - let alone make something like this up.

I'd like to poke fun at this story, but it's hard to know where to start.

It's a serious enough crime they would actually detain college students for doing something like this? In White County in Georgia? Really? Do we all feel safer now?

This is the sort of story that provides proof this country increasingly has no sense of humor and a very short fuse. And that's the truly weird part.

Read it and weep howl (with laughter):

CLEVELAND, Ga. (AP) -- Six men wearing costumes -- four Power Rangers, a ninja and a Spider-Man -- have been arrested and charged with disrupting or interfering with a girls' high school soccer game in Cleveland, Ga., authorities said.

Players and coaches said they didn't know what was going on, and were fearful as the men dashed onto the field and surrounded a goalie during Tuesday's Gainesville vs. White County game.

White County Coach Nathan Adams said it was scary to see the men charge the field.

"It's the craziest thing I've ever seen in a sport event," he said. "They were completely
covered, masks, all the way down to their feet."

Gainesville coach Mark Wade now describes the ordeal as a "childish joke" but says he was concerned about his goal keeper during the chaotic scene.

"I was scared for her safety," Wade told the Gainesville Times. "You immediately start
thinking about the bad things you see on TV."

After they surrounded the goalie, spectators pursued the men into a wooded area where most were found behind a log cabin.

The men told sheriff's officials they ran onto the field as a prank and that they were bored, a sheriff's report stated.

The Gainesville High player who was surrounded wrote in her statement to deputies that one of the men proposed marriage.

"Words said were meant to be funny, but weren't. 'May I please take your hand in marriage?'," she wrote in the report.

Two women were also arrested and accused of dropping off and attempting to pick up the men in a vehicle.

All eight suspects were booked into the White County Detention Center. Authorities say they are students at Truett-McConnell College, a private Christian college in Cleveland, Ga.

Clueless? Is Ruud Gullit, who once had a clue about human rights and admired Nelson Mandela, now ignoring similar issues in Eastern Europe all in pursuit of big rubles? (AP Photo)

The second column today isn't by me, it's by Associated Press columnist John Leicester. But it certainly holds plenty of interest for Galaxy fans still simmering at the coaching record of Ruud Gullit who was fired after a club-record 12-game winless streak in 2008, a season that ended with the Galaxy's worst-ever record of 8-13-9. And it begs the question, just how big of a nitwit is Gullit?

PARIS (AP) -- The query from my editor had the merit of being blunt: What's got into former Galaxy Coach Ruud Gullit?

So began a search for clues. How to determine whether one of soccer's most famous names, an elegant midfielder who led the Netherlands to European Championship glory in 1988, might have shown a colossal lapse in judgment?

Well, taking a coaching job in Chechnya -- yes, that Chechnya, of two wars in the past two decades, shocking brutality and Islamic terror -- might arguably qualify. The former manager of the Galaxy, as well as Chelsea, Newcastle and Feyenoord has agreed to an 18-month contract with Chechnya's Terek Grozny team.

Equally questionable: agreeing to work for Ramzan Kadyrov, the bullnecked president of both Chechyna and of Terek.

Kadyrov's opponents -- it's wise to chose words carefully -- have a habit of disappearing and turning up dead. Rights groups have accused his security forces of abducting, torturing and killing civilians. In a particularly chilling portrait of Kadyrov a few years ago, the Los Angeles Times said the Chechen leader smiled, put a knife in his mouth and bit down on it when the term "human rights group" was uttered in his presence. It also described Kadyrov delighting in using his pet tiger to scare his imported swans, pelicans and ducks, saying: "I'm going to make them scream."

Closer to home for Gullit, Kadyrov in 2008 also said that for Terek, "it's better to be dead than to be second."

Perhaps Gullit should have spent more time talking this through during his Christmas vacation in St. Barts. His wife, Estelle, told the Dutch magazine Miljonair that the 1987 European player of the year mulled over the Chechnya job when they mingled on the Caribbean island with Diddy, Demi Moore and Roman Abramovich, the billionaire who knows a thing or two about how soccer glitz can help gloss over the darker sides of his native Russia.

Or perhaps it's just the money. Maybe the problem, if there is one, is not with Gullit's
sanity but his moral compass.

"Of course, Ruud is going to be well paid. How much? I'm not saying. But you can assume it's a question of millions," Miljonair quoted his wife as saying.

"His budget will be unlimited and his salary is good by any measure," she reportedly added. "(The alternative was) a 48-year-old man sprawled on the couch. You don't want that."

After peace deals are negotiated, the resumption of sport can be a milestone in the return to normality after war. For instance, the Olympic Games -- not held in 1940 or 1944 because of World War II -- were organized in bomb-ravaged London in 1948, just three years after the conflict ended and despite continued rationing of vitals like gasoline and food.

Likewise, the Chechen capital, Grozny, is no longer the bombed-out moonscape it became when Russian forces and Chechen separatists fought. Gullit, if he ventures out, will discover restaurants, cafes, even sushi, a showcase new mosque, rebuilt schools and universities and, in Putin Avenue, a thoroughfare as nice as any in a provincial Russian city.

Terek, the team Gullit is acquainting himself with this week at a training camp in Turkey,
fell apart in 1994 amid the beginnings of the first Chechen war, its players scattering to
other clubs. Later reformed, it wasn't able to play at home in Grozny until 2008 because the city was deemed too dangerous. For the moment, while a new 30,000-seat facility is built, Terek plays at Grozny's Sultan Bilimkhanov stadium.

That is where Kadyrov's father, Chechnya's first Moscow-backed president Akhmad Kadyrov, was killed in a 2004 bomb blast.

So perhaps Gullit shouldn't be knocked for exporting his soccer expertise and big name to Chechnya, not if one also believes that its people should not be deprived of the hope and reconciliation that sport can foster. If nothing else, his appointment is focusing minds on both the good and evil in Chechnya. Another Netherlands great, Johan Cruyff, is among his defenders.

"It reminds me of my choice to play for Barcelona in 1973. Many critics said I was opting to play in the country of the dictator Franco, who was still in power in Spain," he wrote this week in the Dutch daily De Telegraaf. "Many people underestimate the power of sport -- which sometimes gives you the power to change things through play."

But sport's ability to capture imaginations, to rouse passions and pride, can make it a tool for savvy dictators, too.

That's what British lawmaker Lord Frank Judd fears is happening here. He's long kept a close and critical eye on human rights abuses in Chechnya and last visited the region a year ago. He says Gullit has fallen into a propaganda trap laid by Kadyrov. He also pointedly noted that South Africa was shunned, not embraced, by world sports during its apartheid years.

Gullit is "maybe motivated by a lot of goodwill," Judd said in a telephone interview. "But it
is exactly the type of endorsement that these tyrants are looking for.

"It is an exploitation of his expertise, prowess and knowledge. That is very sad for him," he added. "Things are not back to normal. That is exactly what Kadyrov and the Kremlin want us to think."

So is Gullit a pawn, a pioneer, or just plain ignorant?

In Grozny, he should have plenty to think about.

I'm burning up some vacation time with an extended midwinter nap on required furlough, so they'll be no column Tuesday (or next week for that matter) and blogging over the holidays will be minimal unless events warrant.

The weekend's EPL action, including Sunday's big game between Manchester United and Chelsea, was frozen out, but today's Manchester City-Everton game (noon ESPN2) is on. It's the last EPL game until Boxing Day (that's Sunday for those of you who don't speak Anglophile), so enjoy.

A belated congratulations to the Galaxy's David Beckham (it's not often you see his name and the word "personality" in the same sentence). And with that last shot I'm out of here.

No matter how you celebrate, enjoy the holiday season while we await the next MLS season.

And yes, in case you're wondering you can still score your soccer playing Jesus in time for Christmas (shouldn't he be wearing a No. 10 jersey?) if you order here today.

Peace.

This is cute:

Find out more about the book here.

And invariably the (insert modifier here) opportunities presented in his roster announcements ahead of upcoming U.S. Men's National Team games are journalistic gems to be savored. Ahem.

Let's play "spot the Bob Bradley banality."

Here's what Bradley said in announcing the roster today for the upcoming friendly in South Africa:

"This game is a good opportunity to look at some different players and assess their place in the pool as we continue to build for the next cycle."

Here's what Bradley observed Aug. 4 when the roster for the Brazil friendly in New York later that month was announced:

"This game is a great opportunity to showcase many players from the World Cup team who earned the respect and appreciation of fans across the country."

Here are Bradley's piercing insights into his roster selection announced Sept. 30 for the recent friendlies against Poland and Colombia:

"This is a fantastic opportunity to gather many of our players based in Europe and continue to build on the foundation we established during the last four years. We believe we have a strong nucleus of talented players, many of whom we are going to challenge to assume greater leadership roles during the next four-year cycle. We certainly have ideas on how we want to move forward, and these games will be the start of that process." 

Captain Bloody Obvious was back in a Feb. 25 press release revelaing the roster for the March 3 game against the Netherlands:

"This is a great opportunity for us to bring many of our European-based players together as we continue to finalize our plans for the World Cup roster. This is the final match before we bring the team together for the World Cup, so to have a match against one of the top teams in the world like the Netherlands is a big benefit and a good challenge for our group." 

Let us savor the opportunities presented by Bradley in a Feb. 4 press release announcing the roster for the game against El Salvador later that month: "These are important opportunities for these players as we continue to formulate our plans for the roster for the World Cup. This camp and the game against El Salvador provide a chance for the coaching staff to get one more long look at this group. " 

Here's what bubbly Bob said back in November 2009 in announcing the roster for the Slovakia game:

"These matches present a terrific opportunity to continue building on the nucleus of our team, and at the same time evaluate more of the player pool against very good opponents. We are very pleased with what we have accomplished in a long and challenging year, and we move forward with the goal of getting ourselves ready to be a competitive team in the World Cup."

And finally (are you still awake?) here's what boring Bob imparted ahead of the two final CONCACAF World Cup qualifying games electrifying and inspiring fans with his opportunistic turn of phrase in an Oct. 1, 2009 press release:

"These are hugely important games for us as we have the opportunity to clinch a spot in the 2010 FIFA World Cup. Each of these games presents an opportunity to advance, and we face two very different and difficult challenges against Honduras and Costa Rica. We have been preparing this group for the last three years to be ready for these situations, and we are confident in our ability to get the results we need to achieve our goal of qualifying for South Africa."

I could go on, but zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Just wondering:

Um, you do know what I mean, right?

Anyway, here's David Beckham's bit (ahem) on The Ellen DeGeneres Show Wednesday:

Back to your regularly scheduled soccer programming:

*The Tacoma News Tribune takes us back to the month that changed the Seattle Sounders' season ahead of Sunday's playoff game against the Galaxy.

*Don't forget, the MLS playoffs begin tonight when Columbus visits Colorado at 6 o'clock on ESPN2. The Galaxy, should the club progress to MLS Cup in Toronto, wouldn't meet either team until then, should either of them progress that far, too.

*The USWNT opens CONCACAF World Cup qualifying at 5:30 p.m. today. There's no TV coverage of the game. Read the game basics here.

A preview of the U.S. group is here:

Watch the game here.

*How big was that big Central Coast college crowd I blogged about Wednesday? Big. Told ya.

Cal Poly won 2-1.

*Cal State Northridge fell 2-1 at home to UCLA Wednesday, in a game that saw freshman forward Victor Chavez score two goals in the first 14 minutes of the game to lead the 15th-ranked Bruins to the victory. UCLA improved to 11-4-1, while Northridge dropped to 2-12-2.

In the third and latest installment of the on-going FIFA Soccer 11 series with the basketball star and Landon Donovan.

Parts one and two are here (part 2 is the most amusing).

Here's part three:

And so does basketball star Steve Nash and the Galaxy's Landon Donovan in the second installment of the ad series for the recently released EA Sports FIFA 11.

We haven't seen this much of the South Bay on film since the original "Gone in 60 Seconds" (a must-see for local residents, incidentally).

The ad gag: Nash attempts to gain entry into the EA Sports Pro Player Challenge, a tournament the company has created featuring only soccer players from MLS teams and teams throughout Europe.

The chronologically-minded can see the first installment here.

Part two is here:

*Also, the unprecedented and undefeated start to their conference schedule for the Loyola Marymount men (5-0 WCC) continued Wednesday with a 2-1 overtime victory over visiting San Diego at Sullivan Field. Sophomore David Ponce scored both goals and now has four on the season.

More here.

*The Cal State Northridge men (2-8-2, 1-2-1 BWC) lost 3-1 to Cal State Fullerton Wednesday night at Matador Field.