Recently in Weird/Humorous Soccer Category

Briefly:

*Don't forget, the second MLS playoff game between the Columbus Crew and Real Salt Lake is scheduled for 5 o'clock today on ESPN2.

*The Cal State Northridge men closed in on a post-season berth Wednesday with a 1-0 victory over Cal State Fullerton with the goal coming in the sixth minute of OT and now hold the tiebreaker over the Titans going into the final game of the regular season Saturday against UC Irvine.

*Riverside's Chad Marshall was named MLS Defender of the Year today (for the second straight year), while referee Alex Prus took the award for MLS officials. The Crew defender is a worthy choice, but I can't help wondering if MLS would benefit from officials like this one:

Well, OK, maybe not.

Ooh la la!

Leave it to those Italians.

Juventus' Paolo De Ceglie, left, and Giorgio Chiellini, right, not only gave their shirts to fans in the wake of the Italian club's 1-0 victory over Maccabi Haifa in Israel Tuesday, but their shorts, too. (AP Photo).

I offer this picture not so much so we can ogle Italian bums (although my wife, ahem, begs to differ), but as a vivid reminder that the UEFA Champions League is on again today.

The Arsenal-AZ Alkmaar is behind Sentanta's pay wall, but everything else can be seen on free TV (if you have El Segundo-based DirecTV).

The full schedule is here. Barcelona gets things off to an early start with a game at 9:30 a.m. today on Fox Soccer Channel.

One other note: the U.S. is out of the Under-17 World Cup in Nigeria having lost 2-1 today to the Italians.

And I'm guessing those Italian lads kept their shorts on at game's end.

Happy Halloween!:

Otherwise, Chivas USA or the Galaxy could hook up with this guy who e-mailed me last month in the wake of a recent column about the two teams' lack of scoring prowess:

Hi Nick, I read the article today. If Chivas USA or even the Galaxy need an effective playmaker to win the league, you should hook me up. I'm more skilled and faster than Landon Donovan, but much taller. (6'2") Give me a chance and try me out seriously, thank you. (Name deleted to protect the innocent).

If either Preki or Bruce Arena is reading this, I still have the guy's e-mail address.

Unbelievably embarrassing black eye (literally by the sound of it) for both programs.

I say send 'em all back down to AYSO for remedial training in sportswomanship.

"I've never seen anything like this in my life," Harbor coach Jim Lillie said.

They called campus police out to the field. Pathetic.

Read the ugly story here.

Notable: There is no mention of today's crucial Honduras-USA WCQ in the print edition of today's newspaper - but we do have the above story.

And in other women's college, um, action Friday it was Cal State Northridge 0 Pacific 1
and USC 1 Arizona 0.

Also, UCLA beat Arizona 2-0 Friday with Bruin Lauren Cheney scoring the second; the goal gave her 59 in her college career, good for second place on the all-time UCLA women's scoring list behind Traci Arkenberg.

My wife brought this to my attention.

Memo to self: buy her chocolates.

Couldn't resist passing along this item the Associated Press just put out on the wire (it's an attempted correction of an incorrect photo caption, BTW):

** CORRECTS DATE ** United States' Kyle Beckarman, left, takes part in
drills as Jonathan Bornstein looks on during a practice for a World
Cup qualifying soccer match in Sandy, Utah, Friday, Sept. 4, 2009.
Unites States plays El Salvador on Saturday. (AP Photo/George Frey)

Now will they correct the spelling of Kyle Beckerman's surname?

First off, if you only click one link in this blog post make it this one, a 16-picture gallery by readers of English newspaper The Guardian illustrating the Landon Donovan-David Beckham soap opera. Some hilarious stuff in there.

Donovan was still addressing the issue Friday in Kansas City before today's nationally televised game (live at 6 p.m. on ESPN2).

Three points separate the Galaxy and the chasing Kansas City Wizards in the Western Conference standings.

Here's more on the game from a local perspective and here's even more from Donovan including the apparently increasing likelihood he will head to Europe to play. (BTW, shouldn't he be updating that pic on his Web site?)

Those who like their soccer live should know that Premier Development League teams the Hollywood United Hitmen and Ventura County Fusion clash at 3 p.m. today at Pacific Palisades High School's Stadium by the Sea in the Southwest Divisional Final.

Here's a game preview.

Time constraints prevented much blogging this year about the PDL. but the Hitmen are in their first season in the league, having replaced the San Fernando Valley Quakes just weeks before the season started.

Their roster includes San Pedro's Peter Hazdovac (last seen playing professional football in the lower divisions in Croatia) and the San Fernando Valley's Willie Simms. The Fusion have former Chivas USA forward Anthony Hamilton on their squad.

Ooops, the Commish sticks his foot in his mouth:

NEW YORK (AP) -- Mention those empty seats at Yankee Stadium at your own risk.

Don Garber did.

A day after the Major League Soccer commissioner raised the subject, New York Yankees president Randy Levine blasted back.

"Don Garber discussing Yankee attendance must be a joke," Levine said Friday. "We draw more people in a year than his entire league does in a year. If he ever gets Major League Soccer into the same time zone as the Yankees, we might take him seriously.

"Hey Don, worry about Beckham, not the Yankees. Even he wants out of your league," he said.

David Beckham has been loaned from MLS' Los Angeles Galaxy to AC Milan through the end of the Italian Serie A season.

Speaking Thursday to the Associated Press Sports Editors, Garber said he'd noticed the unfilled seats at New York's two new stadiums. The Yankees' premium seats were more than half-empty for the five games following their home opener.

"It's incomprehensible that you watch a game, and there will be front-row seats empty," Garber said.

Told of Levine's comments, Garber explained his remark.

"When I mentioned the New York Yankees yesterday, my comments were part of a larger assertion that all businesses -- even the most successful sports entities -- are experiencing some impact from the economic downturn," Garber said through a league spokesman. "The Yankees are one of the world's strongest sports brands and the context of my comments about a few empty seats at Yankee Stadium was to illustrate the economic challenges we are all facing," he said.

MLS averaged 16,460 for 210 regular-season games last year, a total of 3.46 million. The Yankees averaged 53,070 last year in the final season at the old Yankee Stadium, a total of 4.3 million.

Defending W-League champion Pali Blues, now a feeder team for the WPS L.A. Sol, will attempt to set a new world record for most people juggling a soccer ball at one time at its May 9 season opener.

The current record, according to the club, was set by 627 people in 2007 in Vienna, Austria.

The idea, naturally, is to raise the club's profile, said Pali Blues General Manager Jason Lemire.

"Most people don't realize it, but amateur teams like the Pali Blues are a lot like public radio - we only exist with the support of our community," he said. "This is a chance for the soccer world to show that they support grass root organizations like the Pali Blues."

The second-year term plays at Pacific Palisades High School. To register for the record attempt scheduled for half time, call Lemire at (310) 264-4649. More about the club is here.

Wonder if this guy will be there?

AP Photo

Becks salutes fans in a final farewell after today's England victory over the Ukraine in World Cup qualifying.

President Barack Obama today announced MLS will qualify for millions in federal economic aid in an effort to retain Galaxy midfielder David Beckham and stop him from joining Italian giants AC Milan later this year, 100 Percent Soccer has exclusively learned.

President Obama made the shock announcement during his visit to England after watching today's Eastbourne Borough Blue Square Premier game against Ebbsfleet where he saw distant cousin Achtog Laprifolo play for Borough. The league had first disclosed his visit on its Web site.

"I may not know much about European football, but after watching this minor league game I have to say MLS has a long way to go to catch up to even this standard," the U.S. President said. "What better way to improve the American game than to continue to enjoy the splendid play of the world's greatest ambassador for the sport.

"Let me be clear," he added. "When we have titans of American industry like (Anschutz Entertainment Group owner Phil) Anschutz needlessly hurting in today's economic conditions, it behooves us to ensure billionaires like him don't become mere multimillionaires. He may have supported the Republican Party in the past, but we must move beyond such partisan bickering. Without the support of visionary businessmen like him MLS wouldn't exist. Plus, this will improve the chances of myself and Michelle scoring seats for the Coldplay concert this summer at Home Depot Center."

MLS Commissioner Don "the Godfather' Garber, reached at home where the noted wine lover was snuggled up with a bottle of 1992 Gevrey-Chambertin, said he was surprised the President made the announcement, which has been in the works for weeks.

"Mama mia!" he said. "We will not allow a nation of noted divers and whiners - at least on the football field - to steal David from us. The President has displayed remarkably good judgment in reaching this agreement we hope will allow David to play for many years to come so we can jack up the prices of game tickets even more."

Under the accord, known as "Sciocco di aprile," the federal government will funnel an undisclosed amount of money to MLS the league will then use to entice Beckham away from all that lovely lire and say "arrivederci" to Serie A.

Not all of Beckham's Galaxy teammates were pleased with the report though.

"Damn, I thought we'd got rid of that twit for good," said midfielder Stefani Miglioranzi, the closest thing the Galaxy has to an Italian. "Now I'm never going to make more than $29,684.22 a year with him soaking up all the cap money. I thought it was too good to be true - he doesn't know rigatoni from Michael Corleone."

The announcement came just minutes after Beckham and England had narrowly beaten the Ukraine 2-1 in a World Cup qualifier, captain John Terry getting on the end of Steven Gerrard's header from Beckham's free-kick with just five minutes remaining.

"David, he is beautiful," said England Manager Fabio Capello after the game. "I like him very, very much. And he isn't bad at the football either."

The week is young, but this is one of the funnier soccer-related press releases I've seen lately (and one of the briefest) from the PR staff of WPS team L.A. Sol in the wake of its inaugural game Sunday in Carson -

Attention media:

Please note that the team name Los Angeles Sol should be pronounced like "Soul" or "Sole" not "Saul."

Thanks

Leave it to a bunch of gringos to mispronounce a three-letter word and replace it with the name of someone's Jewish grandfather, (as one Jewish media colleague of mine observed). "Sol" means "sun" in Spanish, BTW.

The culprits were apparently several media outlets including the play by play team on national television.

Brevity

Does this guy live in the South Bay? Is he an MLS fan? Brevity is known for "obscure cultural references," according to Wikipedia, but still.

Also, after LA soccer blogger Jennifer Doyle wrote this scathing critique of the new WPS uniforms the following video was posted to my Facebook page; so things could be much worse:

Midfielder-defender Mike Randolph virtually invisible for the Galaxy in preseason, is apparently gone from the team if you believe this posting on Big Soccer from someone who is friends with him on Facebook.

I'm awaiting confirmation from Galaxy officials, but I have no reason to believe it's not true (and it's fascinating how social networking sites and message boards can play a role in breaking news). Goalkeeper Steve Cronin was first reported heading to Portland on a Big Soccer thread Monday and a source with the club all but confirmed that later in the day.

(Updated 1:44 p.m. Tuesday: Randolph is gone. He was at the club's offices today, but did not train. A formal announcement on his departure - and other cuts - is expected Wednesday).

In other Galaxy news, the club said Monday that Fox Sports West will show 18 Galaxy games this year, meaning only the Wednesday May 6 game against Real Salt Lake will not be shown on either local or national television.

That's one reason I'm giving up my $79 Direct Kick package for the first time (another is that too many games are on at the same time anyway, making them difficult to watch). BTW, there's a free preview of Direct Kick (available on DIRECTV, Dish and In Demand on cable) on March 21.

In New York later today, Women's Professional Soccer will unveil all seven team uniforms with Sol star Marta and Sol Swedish defender Johanna Frisk modeling the gear of the local entrant.

Incidentally, there's an excellent Marta profile covering her time in Sweden and eventual exit at the similarly excellent Web site The Global Game. It's a long piece, but well worth the time.

Read it here.

Finally, this has little to do with soccer in L.A., but Galaxy fans might be a little more willing to put up with a ghastly team if they received a pay-off like this.

Apparently.

Updated: And as if to confirm reality isn't too far from satire there's this manufactured report in today's L.A. Times that breathlessly tells us Mrs. Beckham says her hubby is "hooked" on Milan.

The actual news in the story is in the fifth graph.