Ted Lieu vs. the LPGA

I've been mostly out of town for the last couple weeks, so I missed Assemblyman Ted Lieu's classic showdown with the Ladies Professional Golf Association.

The thumbnail version is that the LPGA, which has become increasingly dominated by South Korean golfers, wanted its athletes to learn English in order to make it easier to market the sport to viewers and corporate sponsors. Asian-Americans, including Lieu, D-Torrance, protested, and the LPGA backed off last Friday.

Before they did, Lieu fired off a Swiftian "modest proposal" for the LPGA, which is so sarcastic and so out-of-character for the ordinarily mild-mannered Lieu as to be worth reproducing here, in full:

The new requirement by the Ladies Professional Golf Association (LPGA) that players speak English within two years is intriguing, but way too limited a requirement.  Why stop at English?  I have the following modest proposal.  I think the LPGA should require all of its players to pass a test of American History and be conversant in subjects ranging from Title VII of the Civil Rights Act to the Japanese American internment.  Women golf players should also be tested on their knowledge of physics, particularly in how much force is needed to strike a little white ball and drive it hundreds of yards.  Because golfers are busy people, a multiple choice test would suffice.

            The LPGA should also ban accents and direct players to achieve the "Stepford Wives" look.  Remember, it's better to look good and sound good, rather than be good in golf, which is of course a secondary consideration.  To help its more disadvantaged players, the LPGA can provide monetary grants for those who don't have blond hair and blue eyes to go through procedures that will change hair color and eye color.  A little plastic surgery might be helpful as well.  I heartily commend the LPGA for taking professional golfing to the next level, where how you talk and look matters more than how well you play.        

            To help the LPGA achieve its lofty goals, I intend to ask the LPGA to institute the full complement of reforms identified above by the end of this year.  Otherwise, I will bring a bill next legislative session banning LPGA tournaments from occurring in California.  After all, we can't have people playing golf if they can't say "fore" or "watch your head" or says things in ads like "I prefer Bud Light."  (We'll conveniently ignore the fact that Bud Light will be owned by a Belgian company).

Wow. Surveying the opinions on this, it is hard to find anyone defending the LPGA. In fact, I found only one person willing to step to the tee and give it a whack. Ladies and gentlemen, Rep. Tom Tancredo:

The English policy was aimed at helping players both on and off the course," Tancredo said. "Now it seems the LPGA has given in to the demands of the politically correct left and 'immigrant rights' groups."

The original policy was designed to help players learn English so that the mostly American audience could better understand the players as well as help them land endorsements from companies where the spoken language is usually English.

"The LPGA was setting an example the government should have followed," Tancredo concluded. "Unfortunately, it's the players on the tour that will pay the price in the long term for not learning English."

Strangely enough, the LPGA's largest source of revenue comes from its Korean TV contract. So maybe the ladies of the tour should be studying Korean as well.