Sure, this comes with a giant asterisk, because the nefarious list that the former Clippers owner made was far from gentlemanly. He was one of 25, along with sporties such as Derek Jeter, Roger Goodell, Dwayne Wade and the Brazilian soccer team, lumped into a lineup of “The Least Influential People of 2014.”
Deadspin.com’s Drew Magary wrote about Sterling in that piece:
“The racist/slumlord/pervert/nudist ex-NBA owner displayed a remarkable lack of power in 2014. He failed to keep his girlfriend from recording him saying a bunch of horrible (stuff) about black people. He failed to keep the NBA team from taking over his Los Angeles Clippers. He failed to keep his wife from selling the Clippers to that bald guy from Microsoft. He failed at every attempt to sue his way back into ownership. He failed to win even a shred of our sympathy in a hilariously misguided interview with Anderson Cooper. And the best part is that it all caught him completely off guard.”
Thursday, when we give overwhelming thanks for all the things we are supposed to appreciate in our lives, we know there is a tomorrow when we’re trying to calculate our depreciation of our Friday assets: The Tupperware container of crushed cranberries, a bag of off-green green beans with Bac-o-Bits and two cans of yams that didn’t even get opened.
On our scale of 1-to-10, he’s the No. 1 person we’ll be referring to 10 years from now in analogies of something that’s gone incredibly wrong.
We serve him up as the main course on our turkey day. On a tarnished sterling platter, obviously. All ready to be a leftover.
Say, why not make this a real pity party? For those who did such a spectacular job in falling from grace in L.A. this year, and likely to be gone for good from our line of sight in the future, take a spot at our November Nine table with the cornucopia of rotting gourds as the center piece:
The former Lakers coach is best served cold, as our minced-meat appetizer. That’s because of the way he was carved up repeatedly by Kobe Bryant during the course of a 67-win, 87-loss staycation over two seasons. He came in as Mike Brown’s relief man, picked over Phil Jackson, yet it came to an inglorious end when the 63-year-old walked away from the organization in April because he wasn’t given a contract extension. The latest reports is he’s still looking for a gig, but turned down going back to his alma mater, Marshall University. Maybe they played too much defense to his liking.
Care for some extra gravy on those Nash-ed tater tots? Careful lifting the heavy ladle. It could lead to major back-to-back back issues. The future Hall of Famer who is the oldest NBA player under contract – he turns 41 in February – isn’t come back any time soon. Nor is the coach of his current employer waiting for a return call any more. Next time you want to send a letter of apology to unnerved Lakers fans, at least wait until this team puts together a three-game winning streak. In other words, never. Continue reading