Alyssa Milano update: Next time, just Twitter it so we don’t have to decipher the gnarly conjunctive adverbs

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Famed MLB stalker Alyssa Milano , whose last TV project got shelved because it probably wasn’t any good for creative reasons, has signed on to star in a comedy pilot for ABC, playing a single mom.

Who’s the daddy? Start guessing. The Hollywood Reporter says she’s playing a girlfriend of someone (Eric Christian Olsen) who’s torn between her and his needy best friend.

Go with the guy. It’s safer.

We say this as excerpts from her upcoming (March 24) book, “Safe At Home: Confessions of a Baseball Fanatic ” have come out at Deadspin.com (linked here)

She writes:

“Carl Pavano — Yes.

Tom Galvine — No.

Barry Zito — Yes.

Josh Beckett — God, no (although I do think he is an amazing pitcher).

Brad Penny — Yes.

Russell Martin — No.

OK, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, let me preface this by saying, I am friends with almost all my exes that I have had substantial relationships with. Except for one guy who wasn’t a ballplayer but was a player nevertheless and just an overall jackass (you know who you are). Carl, Barry and Brad are amazing guys, and I have nothing but respect for them. I really look back on that time of my life with great fondness. I don’t have much of a social life, but I do have season tickets for the Dodgers. …

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Yeah, I dated three baseball players. Not only that, they were all pitchers, imagine that. (But the one in the middle was a lefty so I don’t know if he really counts). All three were very different men but nevertheless clearly heroes in the eyes of a girl who idolizes baseball players. I am not a total dolt. I saw that I was repeating a pattern that had to be broken. Each lasted seven months too: further proof of a definite pattern.”

That, and you can save $22.99. Or, spend it so she can afford some new Manny dreadlocks.

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  • http://malibuconstruction@live.com harry price roberts

    hi alyssa, wow have you grown up from a little kid with alien and tony banta. to wonderwoman. ive watched for quite a while. and your doing great. you and the sisters are full on hotties. since i am new to malibu i only know a few people. i love baseball too. the pattern you have recognized is connected to a leadership figure. your patterns of dating ball players is deeper. my username is tigerman007. i mixed up display name. now you know my real name. some of these sign ups are confusing. give me a call sometime and we can play some baseball. i go to the park and hit the ball with my kids when i can. and just because you love baseball doesnt mean you need to date ball players to love the game. you can appreciate the players without being intimate. and that can be for anybody and any trade.