Our Daily Dread: Sports’ magic pitchmen, or get there now before Gary Coleman beats you to it

Your pick: The most ridiculous commercial you’ve seen pop up lately during a sports program has been:

A) Frank Thomas, for ZizZazz Explosive Energy Mix:

What we know: Thomas has a lot of muscles. Still. But no big-league team wants him. Maybe he’s just too hyped up. The Website also shows Manny Pacquio, Aaron Rowand and Archie Griffin involved in the marketing of this. Plus Paris Hilton. And singer Nelly and actor Jesse McCartney are listed as co-owners of the company. But Big Hurt? This hurts to watch.

B) Larry Zbyszko, aka “The Living Legend,”for Morphoplex Massive:

What we know: It’s $89.95 a 120-capsule bottle that’ll only last you a month. We can’t be sure why Zbyszko is a legend, other than having two “z”s and a “y” in his name. The fact he’s screaming about athletes who’ve died and ended up in a grave yard is a classy way to open a sales pitch. It’s as if he’s got the secret to getting bigger and stronger and quicker and more legal. Be careful what you promise.

C) Magic Johnson for either San Manuel Casino, Rent-A-Center, Jackson Hewitt Tax Prep or T-Mobile (with Julius Erving and Charles Barkley):

What we know: Magic’s people can’t be far from talking to Cash4Gold, willing to have someone yank teeth out of his head so he can put it in an envelope and mail it off to some prospectors somewhere up near San Francisco.

He could align himself with the Dakota Magic Casino in Hankintown, North Dakota, with plenty of RV parking (linked here), handing out ShamWows, Snuggie blankets and Amish rolling electric fireplaces to all customers who hit $20 on the big wheel.

Does any of that creep you out as much as last year’s NBA playoff promo that he did with Larry Bird?


Compare it to the rest of Magic’s body of endorsement work, and see how it comes back to haunt him when he finally decides to run for mayor of L.A.:

== Magic and Anne Meyers for 7-Up in 1982:

== Magic and Larry for Converse in 1986:

== Magic telling kids to Say No To Drugs in 1987:

== Magic for Diet Pepsi in 1989:

== Magic for Slice soft drink in 1990:

== Magic for Kentucky Fried Chicken “Hot & Spicy” in 1991:

== Magic for NBA authentic gear in 1990:

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