What you’re missing on HBO’s “Hard Knocks” with the Bengals not showing their stripes

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With the Cincinnati Bengals, right?

What could you be possibly missing?

Episode 1, for starters.

Episode 2 launches tonight (10 p.m.), and according to the HBO turn-it-around-quickly editors, these are the highlights (should you choose to pass on this as well):

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== Quarterback Carson Palmer talks about his high standards for the perfect sports energy drink mix: “I’ve always been a Gatorade snob. Sometimes guys (who mix the drink) half-ass it. They don’t really put the right mixture of the Gatorade powder and water to create the best taste. Some guys mix is watered down. Some guys is too sweet. But (team athletic training staff member) Lemar (Mosley) has a wild-berry fruit punch mix, mixing three or four flavors, and it’s fantastic. That is an A-plus right there.”

== Linebacker Dhani Jones engages in a simultaneous application of acupuncture and an aggressive inside-the-mouth massage. His reaction to how he felt about the therapy: “What do you mean, ‘How do I feel?’ I am getting pain from all directions.”

== Receiver Laveranues Coles invites cameras into his dorm room to demonstrate his unorthodox therapeutic sleep recovery system.

== Receiver Chad Ochocinco visits a local establishment for an evening out on the town, but passes on all offers to buy him a drink. “You see how boring my life is?” he says. “All I have is Twitter.”

When do the cameras go to the police station for the perp lineup?

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