Our Daily Dread: What media whores are trying to talk to Tiger? Uh, all of ‘em …

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HBO has already been snubbed in the “Get Tiger On Camera” pursuit, but ESPN and/or Golf Channel seem to be best positioned to land the first post-accident Tiger Woods Interview, according to those scrambling to find out such things.

A blog post on today’s Golf.com website (linked here) reports only on what USA Today is reporting (linked here), then adding its own four cents.

That dutifully reported, “60 Minutes” could be in the mix, “Oprah” is on the radar, since she was on the Tiger-Elin wedding guest list back in ’04, and … National Enquirer?

So let’s speculate more, because that’s what we happily do in the media these days without concern of repercussions, hoping to open a non-sensical dialogue that really means nothing in the grand scheme of the world’s rotation but fills five more seconds of dead time:

Our list of the best and worst Woods interview scenarios:

Best:
1. Bob Costas, for NBC: Makes the most sense, NBC does golf, although NBC also does “Saturday Night Live” (see a clip from last Saturday’s episode). If Costas could distance himself from that, maybe. Costas would also make this a bigger coup if he pulled it over the MLB Network.
2. Dan Patrick, for syndicated radio: He can use the velvet glove to get the story but also show some perspective.
3. Jim Rome, for Fox Sports Radio: He wouldn’t softpeddle anything.

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4. James Brown, for CBS: If Tiger’s first golf appearance in 2010 falls on a CBS broadcast, it could work. Also: Jim Nantz or David Feherty, but not likely.
5. Jeremy Schaap, for ESPN: He’d know how to handle it.

Worst:
1. Barbara Walters or Diane Sawyer: Seriously?
2. Jim Gray, Jimmy Roberts, Craig Sager, Jim Gray (yes, we know we already mentioned him), Matt Lauer, Whoopie Goldberg, Regis Philbin, Chris Myers, Roy Firestone, Scott Van Pelt, Chris Connelly, Chris Berman, Tom Rinaldi or Jim Gray: Individually, or collectively, like on a group pannel of “The View.” Just because. Because, because, because, because, because.
3. Katie Couric, Charles Gibson or Brian Williams, for CBS, ABC or NBC: Fire up the pretend hard questioning, soft lighting, and start the Emmy push for their biggest “get” of the year outside a woman with eight babies.
4. Oprah”: She’d likely have the couple on together, polished and with their stories straight, with a less-than-sympathetic audience ready to pound on him with their purses. Too controlled — which is probably how Tiger envisions things, but gets his message out.
5. Bryant Gumbel, for HBO: A “Real Sports” live event that would be more on Bryant and less on Tiger.

Most likely, if we were to get into his head:
1. Tiger does a live webcast on his website, picks his own interviewer (Rich Lerner, Feherty or Christiane Amanpour), draws millions of visitors, and the rights to the video have the TW watermark on them so when they’re rebroadcast on the networks, there’s the advertisement.

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Frankly, if we were Tiger, we’d do our first interview with a Japanese TV crew, and then claim we were misquoted.

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