We know you’re better than Steiner or Collins … go prove it


You drink in a Dodgers game on the radio — beyond the three inning simulcast — and you’re left to wonder: If only that was me on that call.

Then I wouldn’t have to hear (fill in the blank stare created by a fly ball to the shortstop that sounded a few seconds earlier as if it was going halfway up the pavilion).

Time to announce your intentions to fix that.

The Dodgers have offered this up to anyone who wants to call an inning of a Dodger game — as long as you meet the proper requirement (linked here).

And by “broadcast a game,” it means … we’re not sure who’s gonna hear it. Most likely, an Internet audience.


Should you be a gentleman older than 18 with no priors: (click here)

If you’re a woman willing to admit to being older than 18 with no inhibitions: (click here)

If you, as Steve Lyons would say, happen to habla Spanish and are older than uno-ocho: (click here).

Or if you’re just a kid 8 to 14 who needs a ride to the park with a parent, guardian or of-age older friend of your brother who you’re mom doesn’t really approve of but can at least drive without a suspended learner’s permit: (click here):

If you’re a teenager between that awkward age of 15 and 17, you’ld have better luck trying to buy O’Douls.

The signups began May 12 and end Sunday, August 22.

No purchase necessary. No cheering allowed.


The contest rules also specifically state: “Sponsor reserves the right to terminate” a semifinalists entry that, “in Sponsor’s discretion, is lewd, immoral, tasteless, lascivious, grotesque, or otherwise tends to undermine the character, reputation, or goodwill of Sponsor or its standing in the community.”

No McCourt mentions, obviously.

The winner who emerges from several stages of judging will do an inning of a yet-to-be-determined game, plus four field-level seats, a preferred parking pass, and a guest appearance on “Dodger Talk” with Josh Suchon and Ken Levine after his/her call. Your ability to express an opinion without the aid of Coors Lite will already put you into the top 5 percent of “Dodger Talk” callers.

(And if truth be told, Suchon and Levine, who have play-by-play experience, might as well fill out the form on this contest, win it outright, and then have a demo tape ready to go next time there’s an opening).

This could also fall through, according to the rules, “due to weather, an act of God, an act of terrorism, civil disturbance or any other reason.”

The phrase “any other reason” couldn’t have just been used without the other stuff?

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