Hurry up and wait doesn’t always work so well for Lakers fans with too much time on their purple-and-gold-stained hands.
The term “idle time,” in computer science, is defined as when “a piece of hardware in good operating condition is unused.” In this case, a Laker flag.
In industrial engineering, it’s the period, “during a regular work cycle when a worker is not active because of waiting for materials or instruction.” Here, it’s waiting for a TV schedule to catch up to the process.
In basketball, there’s no idle worshiping. Maybe Kobe Bryant embraces the moment to heal up injuries. Lamar Odom can reconnect with his Kardashian roots.
But for rooters of the NBA playoffs, controlled tightly by network schedules and profiteering mogels, time will tell if these six days off between the end of the Lakers-Jazz series and the start of the Lakers-Suns series is worth the wait.
Here are some suggestions on how to be productive until Monday’s Game 1 of the Western Conference finals:
== Have a rooting interest in the 2010 Miss USA pageant:
Brittany Bell, the 5-foot-8, 22-year-old from Chandler going in as Miss Arizona, is a Phoenix Suns dancer. Westlake Village’s Nicole Johnson holds the title of Miss California, succeeding the controversial Carrie Prejean, and admitting she loves gay people and has never starred in a sex tape. Although as recent as two years ago, she dated Michael Phelps.
== Organize an anti-Arizona immigration bill rally for outside Staples Center:
It’s been all the rage at Arizona Diamondbacks road games over the last couple of weeks. The Suns, aka Los Suns according to their Cinco de Mayo uniforms, are on board with those who’ve protested against the nebulous language of the state law that goes into effect in 70-something days. The backlash has already cost the Phoenix area nearly $100 million revenue from canceled conventions and events. And the 2011 MLB All-Star Game is also at risk. Go ahead. Mess with the Arizona economy.
== Gear up — and start with a new car flag:
Sure, go ahead and visit the Team L.A. Store. Knock yourself out. Amazon.com (linked here) and GotParty.com (linked here) have the traditional yellow and purple versions, some as high as $18. But we’re thinking a clean, crisp white one would really bring out the logo. Like this one on Craigslist.com (linked here), posting 1726810841, where someone named Mookie has ‘em for $10 or less if you’re ordering in bulk. That’s enough of an incentive to bulk up.
== Hug a cactus.
== Start sculpting your very own Mitch Kupchak statue outside Staples. With a block of ice.
== Hack into Ron Artest’s Twitter account:
Taking into account that Phil and Ron-Ron appear to have cleared the air over their recent misunderstanding, there does seem to be plenty of wiggle room left for you to help facilitate another artistic tantrum. The former TruWarier appears to be going with RONARTESTCOM (with 7,200 followers), but the tweets have been far too tame lately. Now, how do you actually bust into someone’s login? It must be pretty easy, if that’s the excuse he uses everytime there’s something posted that draws the raised eyebrow of someone.
== Break out your favorite pair of ‘Thunder’ Dan Majerle short shorts.
== Find a celebrity hottie for Adam Morrison (why should Lamar and Sasha
have all the fun?).
== Hold those cheers for the Cavaliers:
Some believe the Orlando Magic, who’ve already wrapped up their Eastern Conference series against Atlanta with one of the most lopsided sweeps in league history, is the team that Lakers fans should worry most coming out of the other bracket. A rematch of last year’s one-sided finals maybe undeniable. So if the NBA and everyone else wants to see LeBron James, Shaquille O’Neal and those goofy Ronald McDonald uniforms face the Lakers, the fix better be in quickly. This Cavs-Celtics series could be over by Thursday night if Boston gets its way. It’s time to invest in a rooting interest here.
By the way, that’s singer John Legend, following his girlfriend, model Chrissy Teigan, as they return to their seats to watch the Celtics-Cavs Game 4 in Boston on Sunday. What kind of legendary Laker fans can top this power couple?
== Bombard sports-talk jocks with your brilliant idea: LeBron to the Lakers!
== Spark up a conversation about the WNBA:
The Sparks launch their 2010 gal season Saturday. Against the defending-champion Mercury. In Phoenix. Let the rivalry take on a Bizarro element with an orange-and-white ball and a couple of teams playing below the rim.
== Start mashing on Steve Nash:
Go classy, like the Jazz fans, and start on your chants. “Yo, Nash, quit winkin’ at Dyan Cannon” … “You got something in your eye or are you really crying?” … “Is this how you go to a Black-Eye Peas concert?” Consult with Vic the Brick for more witty barbs.
== Find out where the Suns are staying and crank up the French alt-rock band
Phoenix all night.
== Build your own rock lawn.
== Catch up on “Basketball Wives” on VH1, Sunday nights:
They do know gold diggin’ drama. Shaunie O’Neal, soon to be ex-wife of Shaq, is an executive producer of a show that’s supposed to show how complicated crazy the life of an NBA spouse can be. It really shows that the women of OC have nothing on these snakes. There’s Jennifer Williams, wife of NBA forward Eric Williams; Royce Reed, the former Orlando Magic and Miami Heat dancer and mother of Dwight Howard’s son (now his ex-girl friend); Evelyn Lozada, ex-fiance of Antoine Walker; Matt Barnes’ fiance Gloria Govan and Suzie Ketcham, the former girlfriend of ex-Clipper Michael Olowokondi. If only Siovaughn Wade, in the middle of a divorce from high school sweetheart and Miami Heat star Dwayne Wade, could have made the cut. The storyline for this week’s episode: “Jen’s upcoming Haiti benefit inspires Royce; Evelyn questions motives.” Meanwhile, catch the new Common-Queen Latifa flick, “Just Wright,” which comes out Friday and deals with some of these manipulative relationship issues as well. Bottom line: Once you get the player’s mom involved, there’s no messing around.
== Stop accepting Donald Sterling’ evites for the annual Clipper lottery party on Tuesday.
== Go house hunting:
LeBron may be looking for a new place in New York, but if for some reason he’s headed for Clipperville, turn him onto this one: A six bedroom, 4 1/4-bath home in Anaheim Hills on the market that’s listing for $2.995 million. In addition to a private tennis court, 7-hole putting green, pool with a water fall, dog run, aviary, wine cellar, party pavilion, guest house and parking for a boat, there’s a purple-and-gold indoor basketball court (that’s really about the size of a racquetball court). Original listing price: $5 mil. MLS #: P694439. It’s listed here on Prudental (linked here)
You’ve got better ideas?
== Credit Daily News staffers Brian Martin and Vincent Bonsignore with contributions/suggestions/having too much time on their hands.