Breaking records in Vienna … more Schnitzel, scumbucket

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Calling all idiots.

We’re not suggesting a quick trip to Austria to attend the Vienna Recordia 2010 this Sunday — the fifth annual event where Guiness Book of World Records are set and reset to the amusement of those attending.

But if you’ve got some Rosetta Stone homework left undone, maybe you can get extra credit helping us figure out what this circus entails.

From the rough translation we were able to obtain on the official website (linked here), “this day of superlatives promises spectacular record attempts, to participate in as well as to marvel at! From the attempt to collect the milk of a coconut with the bare hands to the trial to destroy as many baseball bats as possible with one hand – last year again several record attempts managed to gain an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records.”

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Another part of the sight implies someone named “Sir Hugh Beaver” will be there to record the records (linked here). Give Sir Beaver your best shot.

Last year, some remarkable accomplishments were achieved:

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== Car cramming into a Smart Car: 15 cheerleaders from the Viennese American football team Vienna Vikings folded themselves inside a Smart car. This creates far more questions than answers: How did the Vikings do last season? Did Brett Favre retire from that team? Who had to sit on the back-seat hump? Did the stick shift get in the way? How smart was it really to do this? And did they remember to put on the seat belt?

== Most coconuts crushed by hand: Muhamed Kahrimanovic did 83. Previous record: Skipper, episode 43 of “Gilligan’s Island,” 1966. Kahrimanovic is also the guy who also holds the record for destroying 65 beer cans in one minute with his bare hands. So, he’s a one may recycling crew. Coconut beer has to be his next trick.

== Strongest Man: Franz Mllner turned a 600 kg Fiat eight times around in five minutes. Two years earlier at the Vienna Recordia, he pulled a 60-ton truck over 20 meters. In 2006, a 1.8 ton helicopter landed on his shoulders. Again, proving overseas health care is remarkable when compared to what we have the U.S.

== Longest Wiener Schnitzel: You ready for 9.55 meters? It took 500 people to eat it, with a free salad. Don’t go there.

== Most people solving a crossword puzzle: Some 443 participated on a puzzle for 10 minutes. We’re not even sure if they finished it. Easily, the most boring record broken that day. In fact it set a record: Most people standing in a crowd bored watching a world record broken.

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== Tallest man: Turkey’s Sultan Ksen was certified to stand 246.5 cm. That translates to 8 feet, 1 inch. To put that into perspective, that’s almost two Al Rokers (or seven of the late Gary Coleman’s). Kosen’s country sorely missed him at the latest FIBA World Basketball Championships. He was asked recently what he’d like to get out of this title: “To travel and see the world and have a car that accommodates my size! My biggest dream though, is to get married and have children – I’m looking for love.” He can kill that in one smooth move: Offer to help the cheerleaders get out of the Smart car.

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