The most tortuous, arm-twisting, just-plain-wretched wager you’ve ever followed through on based on the outcome of the USC-UCLA football game?
Loser has to sing the other school’s fight song on demand by the winner for a full year? Yawn.
Loser has to put the alumni license-plate frame of the other school on his car? Snicker.
Loser has to run through his office space in either a cardinal-red or power-blue Speedo? Hmmm.
Loser has to put on the other school’s T-shirt and get their picture taken next to either the Tommy Trojan or Bruin Bear statue on the other campus? Getting warmer.
Loser has to wear a Christmas ornament of the rival school as a nipple ring through the rest of the holiday season? Aye caramba.
Loser has to drive Dillon Baxter back to the locker room in a golf cart stolen from the Brookside Course equipment shack? Keep going . . .
You got a better wake-up call for an otherwise snooze-snooze situation for USC and UCLA?
== So, whatever happened to Mike Garrett?
== Oregon is blindsided by Oregon State, and Auburn is tripped up by South Carolina . . . and we’ve looking at a computerized TCU-Stanford national title game? With full knowledge, based on the scoreboard test, that Wisconsin could cow-tip anyone in the country right now?
== Does Nevada’s football team realize they flushed a few hundred thousand dollars in BCS shared revenue by virtue of beating previously unbeaten Boise State last week?
== Qatar, hero; U.S., zero?
The last time the Americans lost anything to . . . . wait, it’s pronounced “Cutter?” Like, Lenny Dykstra’s kid?
And this unbiased vote to decide who’ll host the 2012 World Cup – as if half us will even be alive when they hold this event in 170-degree weather, considering how bad global warming turns by then — makes the world of kickball think it’s making a statement, that there’s no corruption involved in this, screening out all those profitable U.S. companies that would have boosted the global economy by quadrupling its orders to China, Pakistan and Indonesia for more T-shirts, jerseys and obnoxious horns?
Does this harm the next U.S. attempt to keep the next MLS Cup within its borders?
== About this sexy LPGA story that seems to be generating more clicks than its own season-ending championship event: Does a transgender player have an edge in endorsing a company pushing a new hybrid club?
== By the way, what product you not buy because of your embarrassment for the sports person connected to it: Rent-A-Center, with Troy Aikman and Hulk Hogan, or Ugg-for-men boots, which Tom Brady just signed on to promote?
== In the NFL, it’s a more punishable offense to tweet during a game than fight during one?
== A Chicago Tribune online poll Friday asked readers: In your estimation, should Ron Santo be inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame? Of the first 10,000 respondents, how stunning is it that 1,055 actually voted “No”?