It’s bigger than John Wooden’s Pyramid of Success, so it must be better.
It’s what Ron Swanson pulled out to show his new youth league basketball team that he was forced to coach in the season 2 debut episode of the NBC sit-com “Parks and Rec” on Thursday.
If you can’t read all of it because of the size we’re limited here, we’ll provide some of the highlights:
== The top square is “HONOR: If you need it defined, you don’t have it.”
== Under that: “BUFFETS: Whenever available, choose quantity over quality.” To its left: “AMERICA: The only country that matters. If you want to experience other ‘cultures,’ use an atlas or a ham radio.”
== Fifth row down far left is “DISCIPLINE: The ability to repeat a boring thing over and over again.” Far right is “SKIM MILK: That’s right. It’s on here twice. Avoid it.”
== Third row up from the bottom includes “INTENSITY: Give 100%. 110% is impossible. Only idiots recommend that.” And “OLD WOODEN SAILING SHIPS: They’re beautiful.” (Maybe that’s a tribute to John Wooden). And “B.O.: Cultivating a manly musk puts your opponents on notice.”
== Second row up has “FRIENDS: One to three is sufficient.” And “PERSPIRATION: Only sweat during physical activity or love making. No emotional sweating.” And “CRYING: Acceptable at funerals and the Grand Canyon.”
== And the foundation row includes “CAPITALISM: God’s way of determining who is smart, and who is poor.” And “POISE: Sting like a bee. Don’t float like a butterfly. That’s ridiculous.” And “HANDSHAKES: Firm. Dry. Solid. 3 seconds.” And “BODY GROOMING: Only women shave below their neck.”