It’s Out of the Question: Sign us up for Leiweke signage

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LABusinessJournal.com

He’s glad-handling something here, picking pockets over there, photo-opping everywhere else there’s a swarm of cameras and an opportunity.

A song-and-dance mover, shaker and bellyacher right out of “The Music Man.”

So what prevents Tim Leiweke from selling name rights to Tim Leiweke?

Look at all that prime real estate available. A wardrobe ready to be converted to a NASCAR jumpsuit. Plenty of cap space, if chooses to wear a cap, or cap his teeth with that salesman-like smile.

Step right up and ride this mechanical bull to the fullest extent of giving people the business.

Sprint — that pretty much describes what Leiweke does most of the day from board room to interview room to restroom – can take the lead here, pointing its spotty cellphone towers in a new direction.

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Thanks, by the way, for buying into that Leiweke arena he built in Kansas City three years ago, with big dreams of having an NBA or NHL team jump in just because it was there.

How’s that Sprint Center working for you now? Just glad to have a “Toy Story 3″ ice show stay an extra couple of days, in hopes the crowd sleeps over for an Arena Football League game?

Matthew Perry is doing better with the ficticous Sunshine Arena than K.C. is doing with its sunshine bandbox.

(Hey, just a hypothetical — Would happen if Leiweke talked L.A. into letting him build a pro-football-ready downtown facility, and the NFL didn’t come?)

What if we give Sprint the right to logo every bright yellow tie that Leiweke wears for the next 15 years. Can you hear us now?

Oh, what about O2, the broadband company in the United Kingdom that named-up the AEG arena in London? Please tell us your knickers still aren’t in a bunch after trying to fill those AEG-sponsored 50 Michael Jackson concert dates that sadly fell through a couple of years ago? It’s bad, we know it.

What if Leiweke arranged to offer up the two panels of his rear end for your make-good signage? One on each of the cheeks he’s trying to turn in your favor. You’d be sitting pretty, eh?

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And how about our new friends at Farmers Insurance, who should be setting up a booth inside Staples Center for Lakers and Kings season ticket holders, offering them policies to protect their investment after watching their teams roll over against a sub-.500 opponent on any given night.

See all the pub you’ve received without even price-gouging one more current customer into helping pay for this $700 million Farmers Field? You’ve got the Dodgers pondering Farmer John Field in Chavez Ravine, unless Frank McCourt is told to do otherwise by his Farmer’s Almanac.

Put up some more pretend money and buy the rights to Leiweke’s future.

His personal services contract at AEG is up. He could be president (with a small ownership stake) of this pretend L.A. NFL franchise. Can you pretend to make it happen?

We’ll also give you first shot at bucking up Leiweke’s very sad Wikipedia page (linked here).

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