What about actual news? Even on April 1, I question myself for even thinking that happens. Even by accident.

Twitter feeds remain the ball of yarn that a bored cat plays with, then suddenly finds itself at the core with nothing left except an unraveled mess that the vacuum cleaner doesn’t even want to get near.

I got sucked into pondering this tweet that Jeanie Buss posted earlier this week:

“Phil having lots of basketball dreams. That’s a #goodsign.”

How does she know this, through some DeCaprio-Inception mind tricks on him in the middle of the night?

Stupidly, it led to more curiosity. And you know what that does to a cat, right? I began clawing through whatever my 146 peeps decided to put up in a 24-hour cycle, thinking I might stumble on something relevant.

Then, I surrendered:

== From the Lakers’ Matt Barnes, a two-part tweet in response to how Dallas’ Jason Terry said on a sports-talk show that Barnes seems now empowered since wearing the Lakers’ jersey as opposed to what he real journeyman: “NO ONES worried bout wat Jason Terry is talkn bout everyone remembers the 07 season … Me & the Golden St homies laid out the blueprint on how to beat Dallas.. ‘PUNK’EM’ Aint (naughty word) changed homey . . . So enough w/the small talk.”

Which English classes did you take again at UCLA? The ones followed by “as a second language”?

== From the Lakers’ Ron Artest: “My left gluteus medius is smaller (than) my right gluteus maximus I’m so confused.”

Is this why you are the butt of so many jokes over the years?

== CNBC reporter Darren Rovell: “Best thing I’ve seen today? The @jethawks serving sweet po-tater tots w/side of syrup for $3!”

That’s a new snackstand item from your Single-A Lancaster JetHawks. Do they have to put the calorie intake numbers on the overhead menu like at McDonald’s?

== Sports Business Journal reporter Liz Mullen: “What’s the best lines to pick up a woman in a coffee shop? My BFF guy pal wants to know.”

How about: What’s news?

== Later, from Mullen: “His usual line is Do you wanna get a cup of coffee? But he was already in cafe. LOL.”

Lots of . . . latte?

== Again, from Mullen: “NFL lockout leverage centers on whether NFLPA decertified as union. If so, NFL lockout, salary cap may be illegal.”

== Plus: “Ex-NLRB Chair Bill Gould: ‘It’a role reversal. Usually employers R trying to get rid of unions. In this case, they have 2 have the union.’”

== And: “If the NFLPA is not a union, all the restrictions on player: Salary cap, NFL Draft, franchise tag, etc. are antitrust violations.”