What’s the deal without Pete Carroll or Jim Harbaugh occupying the Coliseum sidelines during a USC-Stanford game day, each trying to one-up each other on how to look serious while answering a nasally Erin Andrews question just before kickoff without bursting into laughter?
Bright lights, big city.
Dim the hot flashes. There’s something terribly missing here.
Then again, if you really want to make a Trojan hoarse, or a Cardinal red in the face, go ahead and ask him what’s the deal with:
Stanford, a point-spread favorite at USC for the first time ever? Is that a blind-side move neither Matt Kalil nor Jonathan Martin could see coming?
Lane Kiffin’s white-windbreaker, white-visor ensemble — the latter of which always seems to have a tag sticking up in the back? Add a scarf and mojito, and couldn’t he be coaching the Trojans co-ed intramural badminton team?
Stanford’s 38-for-38 success rate in that so-called, 20-yards-and-in red zone this season — 30 TDs, 8 FGs? Yeah, but how many failed two-point conversions after that can they boast about?
The 6-1 Trojans elevated to a No. 20 ranking after last week’s win at Notre Dame? Did you know that’s the farthest down in the AP poll that any USC team, on or off probation, has been with this exact win-loss record since the first ranking in 1936? Do you compute?
The NCAA allowing conferences to give an extra $2,000 in spending money to scholarship athletes? What could Andrew Luck or Matt Barkley do with an extra two grand? A trip to Lawry’s with a handful of lawyers to fill out their NFL draft-eligible paperwork over a six-course meal?
All this “Suck for Luck” strategy being played out among the NFL’s worst teams in the league? Did Carroll get the memo and keep it from Harbaugh?
== Student-athletes can’t look out for their own best interests, pull out of school and transfer without being penalized a full year of playing? But do-as-I-say, not-as-I-do athletic directors can follow rank and yank himself out of a conference and take a better cash deal somewhere else without worrying about setting any kind of poor example of sportsmanship?
== Does Joe Paterno even know his Penn State squad is the most under-the-radar 7-1 team in the country, about to go 8-1 against Illinois?
== Had T.O. (as in, Terrell Owens) arranged to have his workout in T.O. (as in, Thousand Oaks) instead of Calabasas, could more NFL scouts have found it on their GPS?
== Tiki Barber: Still unemployed NFL running back and TV broadcaster, or the new hot haircutting place next to L&L Hawaiian BBQ in Reseda?
== If the Galaxy could guarantee a goal a game from 16-year-old Jack McBean, how far would that go in keeping David Beckham interested in sticking around another season?
== Time to retire the Al Davis Halloween costumes this year?