Laker fan vs. Clipper fan, 2012, and how to determine the lines of demarcation

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Andrew Bernstein/Getty Images

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A Lakers-Clippers head-to-head matchup at Staples Center has taken on a much different vibe since the lockout ended in November and all heck broke loose getting the rosters set for the 2011-12 season.

To use a circus analogy: Today’s Clipper fans are apt to show up early to watch the acrobats warm up, then be dazzled by the trapeze artists. No clowning around.

The Lakers fan arrives when he sees a way to make a grand entrance, takes in some of the freak show outside the main tent, then hangs out around the giant elephants to see if it’ll start flapping their ears and actually fly.

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C’mon, show us something we’ve never seen before.

Lob City vs. Rob Lowe still seems to be a rough line of demarcation between what a Clippers and Lakers fan banks on going into the second of three regular-season matchups Wednesday night. As we enlisted the help of those who would know — fans, broadcasters, team execs, more fans — we’ve concluded that the boundaries might also might also be determined by:

VIP PARKING COSTS:
Clippers fan: $50
Lakers fan: $200

AVERAGE TICKET PRICE:
Clippers fan: $104.71
Lakers fan: $171.75

COURTSIDE TICKET VALUE:
Clippers fan (for Jan. 30 vs. Oklahoma City): several choices between $365 and $2,600 on StubHub!
Lakers fan (for Jan. 31 vs. Charlotte): Only two offered on StubHub! for $5,136. Each.
Note: One listed for more than $6,000 on StubHub for tonight’s game

FAVORITE JERSEY TO BE SEEN IN:
Clippers fan: Blake Griffin, Chris Paul
Lakers fan: Magic Johnson

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TYPICAL APPAREL:
Clippers fan: Lob City T-shirt and jeans.
Lakers fan: The exact same Lob City T-shirt, only it’s blank. And costs $200. To go with $500 jeans and $600 sunglasses to be worn indoors.

PRE-GAME MEAL:
Clippers fan: Yard House
Lakers fan: Katsuya

POSTGAME HANGOUT:
Clippers fan: The Pantry
Lakers fan: WP24

TATTOO COUNT:
Clippers fan: 47
Lakers fan: 1 (that can be seen)

ARRIVES TO GAME:
Clippers fan: Ford Explorer with 200,000 miles on it
Lakers fans: A leased Mercedes Benz, with rollover mileage allowance.

TYPICAL COMPANION:
Clippers fan: Wife/brother or sister/son or daughter
Lakers fan: Hot blonde “niece”

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OFF-COURT DIVERSION:
Clippers fan: Clipper Darrell, Dodgers outfielder Matt Kemp (a friend of Blake Griffin)
Lakers fan: Jack Nicholson, whoever sits next to Nicholson

WHERE CAN I SEE THE OWNER?:
Clippers fan: Courtside (next to Billy Crystal)
Lakers fan: Skybox (next to Playboy bunnies)

STATE OF MIND:
Clippers fan: Contrarian with short-term memory loss (“I’ve told you we were just a point guard away from being great!”)
Lakers fan: Smug frontrunner (“Remember, we traded Kwame Brown for Pau Gasol”)

REACTION TO A 9-5 RECORD:
Clippers fan: We’re on our way!
Lakers fan: We’re on our way to the worst season ever.

BEST RETORT TO OPPOSITE FAN:
Clippers fan: Go back to the Forum.
Lakers fan: Go back to San Diego.

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HOW THEY DEFINE THEMSELVES AS A ‘TRUE FAN’:
Clippers fan: Had season tickets at Sports Arena … in San Diego.
Lakers fan: Doesn’t own a Lakers car flag.

REGRETS ABOUT THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY:
Clippers fan: Kobe Bryant (unless they became a Clipper fan because they were turned off by Bryant)
Lakers fan: Chris Paul

WHAT MAKES THEM RECOIL?
Clippers fan: The feeling of being snake bit
Lakers fan: Criticism of the Black Mamba taking matters into his own hands

DEFINITION OF BAD LUCK:
Clippers fan: Losing another one of their best players to injury.
Lakers fan: Not winning the NBA title.

DANCE TEAM APPEAL:
Clippers fan: Modern hot (The Clippers Spirit team is loud, proud and sexy)

Lakers fan: Retro cool (the same routines and music as they did back at the Forum, along with Lawrence Tanter’s exit line: “Laker girrrrrrrrrls.”)

THE GAME ISN’T OVER UNTIL:
Clippers fan: “Lawler’s Law” kicks in — first team to 100 points wins. How many times have the Lakers scored 100 this season? Once, in 18 games. Clippers? Six in 14 games.
Lakers fan: In a tribute to Chick Hearn, John Ireland asks Mychal Thompson if it’s time to put the game in the refrigerator. Even if many of the younger listeners on radio don’t know that that means anymore.

TRUMP CARD
Clippers fan: Buzz
Lakers fan: Banners

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