It’s Out of the Question: Seek a worldly friend, now … one who can afford an island

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We probably should be seeking a friend for the end of the world.

From the Instagram tweet we just received from Skip Bayless – because, you know he’s way out there, without an oxygen supply — the Earth’s axis has apparently reached a tipping point to where little is making sense anymore.

What do you make of this?

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== While Abraham Lincoln is in my cineplex killing off vampires, college football has emancipated the Bowl Championship Series and sunk its teeth into – egads -a four-team playoff.

Pending university president endorsement and an understanding of how the millions in proceeds will be unequally divided.

Did you ever think you’d live long enough to see this happen?

How soon before that expands to eight, then 16, then 32 teams — the end of July?

Then again, if this idea is such a long time in coming, why wait to put into effect until 2014? Is this so that the ’12 and ’13 champions feel less entitled – particularly noting that odds makers have USC as the 9/2 favorite to win the bogus championship this fall, over 5/1 LSU, with 10/1 Oregon waiting in the wings, and UCLA swimming around in the 200/1 pool?

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== Dutch scientists say they’ve created a strain of the bird flu so easily spread that it’s possible a deadly virus could set off a global pandemic in humans. Just as Kings’ fans are hopelessly infected with Stanley Cup fever and want no part of an antidote.

The team announced it’s having a party for the famed trophy Monday on the Hermosa Beach Pier, then driving it up the strand toward Manhattan Beach in a mini parade.

Does stainless steel Stanley prefer 30 SPF sun screen, or would some Coppertone really give it that a new bronze tan?

When does the NHL acknowledge that palm leaves and sand castles speak more to puck fans today than Maple Leafs and Saddledomes?

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(AP Photo/Wilfredo Lee)
Miami Heat president Pat Riley celebrates in the locker room after Game 5 of the NBA finals against the Oklahoma City Thunder on Friday.

== The credit ratings of more than a dozen giant global banks have been slashed as the European economic turmoil is about to wreak havoc and trigger another recessionary downtown, yet the Miami Heat players are about to put their NBA championship trophy in the local safe deposit box at the First Bank of Spoelstra and expecting it to reap ginormous return.

LeBron James, when he’s finished reading The Hunger Games trilogy, says he’ll be starving for seven more titles, to make good on his promise when he took his talents from Cleveland to this land of decadence.

Does that mean Stand Pat Riley plans to be around for all ‘em, and then tell everyone this should be his NBA legacy as a GM, no matter what he ever did on the sidelines for L.A. Showtime?

Slick move, coach.

Did you also realize that Heat 12th man Juwan Howard, hanging on for his 18th season, is the first member of the 1991 University of Michigan Fab Five to have ever been a part of a Big Ten title, NCAA title, or NBA title squad?

We now go to TV commentators Chris Weber and Jalen Rose for their analysis.

By the way, what’s the most proper way to say this: The Heat are the champs? The Heat is the champs? Or the Lakers aren’t any closer to being the champs today than they were six months ago?

Is there anything in the NBA bylaws that prevent the Buss family from going to KickStarter.com in an effort to raise money to improve the roster?

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== There’s a tech billionaire who conned a pineapple billionaire out of the Hawaiian island of Lanai, buying it for about $500 million – or $1.5 billion less than what he could have had to get the Dodgers. It came on the same day that NCAA has told UConn its basketball team isn’t welcome to March Madness next season because its student-athletes didn’t perform very well in the class room.

The same goes for UC Riverside, Cal State Bakersfield and nine other schools.

Are you thinking what we’re thinking?

The field is set for the 12-team Non-Sanctioned March Badness College Quiz Bowl Tournament sponsored by The 7/Eleven Slurpee Brain Freeze.

The three-night, four-day event can be held in the Jack Lord campus library at University of Hawaii at Lanai.

If such an exotic place even existed on Google maps.

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