It’s Out of the Question: Can Oprah break Lance into a million little pieces?

O.J. Simpson once had his chance of media-theatre redemption  with Chris Myers. We came away unsatisfied. Alex Rodriguez had his chance with Peter Gammons. We weren’t convinced. LeBron James had his chance with Jim Gray. What a talented train wreck.

Tiger Woods did it without a caddy – he just admitted he screwed up his marriage in front of cameras, family and hand-picked friends, then did a walk-off.

With that kind of reference point, what are the chances of Lance Armstrong channeling his inner soul and owning up to his misdeeds on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN channel? We aren’t remotely interested, to tell you the truth.

An athlete can use the media to get his message across — explanations, apologies, career decisions – but it’s up to the media meathead to make sure to make him squirm.

Considering all the hell Armstrong once went through in beating cancer, why should he fear a middle-aged woman with a house-wife following on a network very few can even find on their TV?

Once upon a time, Oprah broke author Jim Frey into a million little pieces after he admitted he fabricated much of his tale of redemption that was so powerful she had recommended it as a “book club” selection. She took it personal, and dropped the hammer.

(And for the record, she apologized for her harsh treatment later. Why?)

Does Armstrong need to fear the same kind of arm-twisting? Hardly. This is a hand-packed, soft-serve interrogation. Morley Safer would be turning over in his grave if he wasn’t still alive.

As Oprah struggles to remain relevant, Armstrong has it worse.

We’re not even led to believe we’ll find out next week just what Armstrong is peddling this time. We’ve heard his spin cycle too many times to even care.

David Eldridge, the cycling writer for Australia’s The Sporting Journal website, wrote it best: “So Lance Armstrong has finally had a gutful of being a clam. Hoo-bloody-ray. … . It’s time for Armstrong to stop thinking of himself and spare a thought for those swimming in his bulldust. Oprah awaits. I wonder if she will remember to check what ‘gifts’ Armstrong leaves under the seats for the studio audience?”

== One of the new things they’re going to put into the renovated Dodger Stadium clubhouse is something called a “quiet room.” Dodgers manager Don Mattingly learned about such a space of meditation from talking to former Lakers coach Phil Jackson, and thought there was some merit in it.

In hockey, a “quiet room” is the designated area where they take players who have suffered possible concussions. In Dodgerville, is this the place where Zack Greinke will be chilling before every start?

== As long as we’re talking about PEDs and keeping players out of the Baseball Hall of Fame, why is it that no one has thought to classify Tommy John Surgery as a performance enhancing procedure that was never available to the likes of Sandy Koufax or Don Drysdale should they have wanted to prolong their eventual  Hall of Fame careers?

== The Philadelphia Eagles get turned down by Chip Kelly, then go to Brian Kelly about their head coach vacancy. Because they can’t track down the agent for Emmitt Kelly?

== Do the Sacramento Kings know that if they go to play in Seattle, there’s no more Kingdome?

== How many web hits again has Katherine Webb received since Monday’s BCS title game? Or, Evites to go out to lunch and enjoy an expensive Musburger sandwich?

== If we’re hearing this correctly, MLB is considering finally cutting the chord on the dugout-to-bullpen landline and allowing managers and coaches to converse to their closers via a cellphone.

We’ve endorsed for years this technology – let the skipper wear a Bluetooth, text his bullpen coach, even Tweet his decision to the umpire so that he doesn’t even have to leave the dugout to make a change.

But then, if it comes down to Bud Selig needing to sign off on this, will he first insist they upgrade only to using pagers?

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